divorce

My husband blames me for everything. When he was told he could not drive anymore he was livid. He said I was the reason. No, it was his Seizures. He told our Primary Dr. that he knows when he is going to have a seizure because he sweats right before one. He honestly told the Dr. that he could get off the road. Boy was I thankful that the Dr. said to him" by the time it happens you could kill someone possibly your wife". I wanted to hug him. I had been parking behind his truck and hid his keys. He really thought that the Neurologist would not send information to the DMV. He still to this day blames me for everything that he does or condition he has. Thank God we don't have his vehicle any longer. Many years prior he used the accelerator instead of the brake. Messed his truck up. I had bruises across my chest and my head went forward and I felt like he had hit a building. Last time I ever rode with him. He will never drive my vehicle. He claims he has great skills. It will be a cold day in you no where if he ever finds the spare keys. He won't. I think he really was more angry at me than anyone else. We have been married 52 plus years and dated 3.5 years before. He has a temper and it is all my fault he has Parkinsons. I just try not to engage him when he is unreachable. He did not marry a stupid women. I know he is sick..but this has been going on since 2013. I am tired and actually worn out. His sibling has Dementia and he is mean and hateful to strangers mainly. I did say to him that if liked I would be glad to take him to his brother and they could duke it out. I know to some of you this sounds uncaring. He is mean and says bizarre stuff all the time. I am called names, yelled at and told that I am glad he is having more symptoms as time goes on. He told me don't worry he will be in bed eventually and die. Yes he talks normally at times..but it is less frequently. I know I will get alot of comments on this. I have no reason to deny anyone's feeling's. I had to live through my Dad doing the same thing with his Parkinsons. My brother has Parkinsons and he never does these things. By the way my brother is in his sixties. He is kind and asked me what might be something that he can do as his disease process progresses. He is always kind and caring. So, I just cry and pray that my husband will be kind today and everyday. I don't want to offend anyone. I love this man but I hate this disease. It is like a nightmare versus a little bit of kindness some days.

Have you discussed this emotional abuse with his doctor. There are meds that can help with emotional outbursts. I will be thinking of you.

Yes! Two of the physician's are aware.

Why are your physicians not helping you manage the situation? Emotional abuse can escalate to physical abuse in a heartbeat.

Hi @sillybone, I realize that if it gets to the point that my husband gets mean, abusive, violent to the point at which I can no longer manage him or my safety is at risk, he will go into a care facility and I will not be guilty. There is only so much we caregivers can do.

Hi @saa76, you could call the Alzheimer's HelpLine available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They have trained counsellors who can talk you through incidents like this, The number is 1-800-272-3900.
My husband's memory is so bad that when we do have a dustup, which is rare, I just disappear for a while. He forgets about it, and we're back on track 10 or 15 minutes later.

Saa76, This is the roughest ride of a lifetime. He has dementia, so he said something demented. He doesn't want a divorce. I hope there is a way to hear the voice of the disease separate from the voice of the man who has loved you all these years. Either way, it is just too painful.

@saa76 I see you have gotten a lot of support and suggestions here. Two years is a long time to deal with memory loss on your own. Do you have anyone you can turn to for relief or even to vent after a dustup? Do your family members know what is happening behind closed doors, and can they give you an occasional break?

I was the one who took my Mom for a driving evaluation after her stroke - when an independent evaluator decided she shouldn't drive. She was furious, and reminded me regularly right up until her death 5 years later. I understood the loss of independence, but at least I had the support of family, telling me it was the right decision.

Hugs to you - caring for a loved one who is no longer rational is one of the hardest jobs on earth!

I was informed of the legal/financial liability of allowing an individual to continue to drive after a dimentia diagnosis. Since we are relying on our retirement funds to pay for future medical care we can't take risks. We also have to consider the safety of ourselves and others. I was lucky that that he turned over the keys and allowed me to take over the driving. But he still says it was my choice at every opportunity and others have questioned me about it too.

We are going through a period of relative calm right now after lots of tension early on. Maybe I have learned not to challenge the disease?