1. < Mental Health

Dissociative identity disorders (DID) from vicious childhood abuse

Posted by seekinghero @seekinghero, Mar 10, 2018

Ohgosh... where to start?
I have multiple personally disorder. From viscous abuse infent-12yrs old. I was not born with DID.
I am learning more each time i poke around the internet 4info.
My brain feels like sometimes a vehicle trying to stall out. I blank out 4 a few seconds. Scarey.
I've started hypnotic sessions & made healthy strides. Tho i don't think all my personalities have come forward. How do i get in touch with the others? Thanks

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Parus | @parus | Apr 11, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@brightwings Hate is evil. As a child I prayed God would send His angels to take me home before the age of 12. We somehow have survived.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | May 12, 2018

This-all of this-it never happened. Abuse does not occur rather it happens. I do not understand how others can do the things they do. Truth is I do not want to understand the kind of mind that enjoys hurting others and feel justified in doing so. I keep hearing about genetics so this must be why.
A thought.

REPLY
1 reply
peach414144 | @peach414144 | May 13, 2018
In reply to @parus "This-all of this-it never happened. Abuse does not occur rather it happens. I do not understand..." + (show)
@parus

This-all of this-it never happened. Abuse does not occur rather it happens. I do not understand how others can do the things they do. Truth is I do not want to understand the kind of mind that enjoys hurting others and feel justified in doing so. I keep hearing about genetics so this must be why.
A thought.

Jump to this post

@ I hear you.

REPLY
Brightwings AKA Cute Susie | @brightwings | Jul 20, 2018

Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense withdrawal process from my antidepressant. Wow it's sucks big time. But its getting better. And it was the right thing to do for me to stop my antidepressant.
.
Ok, truthfully, I miss my brain. All my brain circuits have to rewire themselves to work without the drug. And I have multiple sclerosis so my neurons keep dying and a thought has to be rerouted. I have to tell you sometimes its like a pinball going crazy to get a thought completed. Its funny but its not.
Remember, I like to be playful cuz stories like I reread here tonight are just plain awful. And many more words come to mine but I am too much of a lady to say them...most of the time, winking.
So I play to balance the dreadful pain that comes with these stories, only they are not stories, these were our lives.
.
Ok I was so surprised to find 3 pages of comments here. WHAT?????
So I sat back and reread the pages and the stories we all shared and thought about how we are using it.
In my humble opinion, we are in the introductory stage...hi, bright wings here. This happened to me, Oh sorry that happened. This happened to me. Next person same. I am NOT CRITIZING only observing and sharing those observations.
.
Now who am I to be able to say these things and you guys care to listen?
R.N. 21 years, alcoholism treatment center 6 years. Years of inpatient psych units AND MY 32 year RECOVERY and integrating more than 250 personalities.
Ok so why all the words Susie?
.
Question for all.
What do you think if we put a focus of one topic up for all to think about and after a period of time we come together and share about it.
We could choose topics and then either work things out here and respond to each other when someone pops in or all do it together the same day.
.
I was in therapy from 1986 to 2011 with a 10 year break somewhere. It helped...but the groups, gosh.
I learned to be comfortable with myself and with others. Groups are like the difference between using a diving board to enter the water or diving in the pool from the side. I grew more from the groups, its a different kind of focus than 1/1.
I learned how to care for others and learned it was ok to allow someone to care for me. I learned it was ok for me to be me. And that I could be safe around others.
Now we would still be folks helping each other.
Frankly, as I spent almost 2 hours writing this, I had to ask myself, why Susie...what will you get out of this?????
The truth is, I need it. I do not have any place in the world to go to And tell how I am really feeling and be understood and cared about. No one gets me if I am real. I know you all will "get" me and allow me to be weak once in a while. That's why all the words.
I give and give and give and give in my real life. Sometimes it would be nice to receive. But that is just me.

This is our group.
How do we want to use it?

Moderators, can you call everyone in here? I am too tired. Smiling at you all, bright wings

REPLY
4 replies
Parus | @parus | Jul 20, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense withdrawal process from my antidepressant. Wow it's sucks big time. But its getting better. And it was the right thing to do for me to stop my antidepressant.
.
Ok, truthfully, I miss my brain. All my brain circuits have to rewire themselves to work without the drug. And I have multiple sclerosis so my neurons keep dying and a thought has to be rerouted. I have to tell you sometimes its like a pinball going crazy to get a thought completed. Its funny but its not.
Remember, I like to be playful cuz stories like I reread here tonight are just plain awful. And many more words come to mine but I am too much of a lady to say them...most of the time, winking.
So I play to balance the dreadful pain that comes with these stories, only they are not stories, these were our lives.
.
Ok I was so surprised to find 3 pages of comments here. WHAT?????
So I sat back and reread the pages and the stories we all shared and thought about how we are using it.
In my humble opinion, we are in the introductory stage...hi, bright wings here. This happened to me, Oh sorry that happened. This happened to me. Next person same. I am NOT CRITIZING only observing and sharing those observations.
.
Now who am I to be able to say these things and you guys care to listen?
R.N. 21 years, alcoholism treatment center 6 years. Years of inpatient psych units AND MY 32 year RECOVERY and integrating more than 250 personalities.
Ok so why all the words Susie?
.
Question for all.
What do you think if we put a focus of one topic up for all to think about and after a period of time we come together and share about it.
We could choose topics and then either work things out here and respond to each other when someone pops in or all do it together the same day.
.
I was in therapy from 1986 to 2011 with a 10 year break somewhere. It helped...but the groups, gosh.
I learned to be comfortable with myself and with others. Groups are like the difference between using a diving board to enter the water or diving in the pool from the side. I grew more from the groups, its a different kind of focus than 1/1.
I learned how to care for others and learned it was ok to allow someone to care for me. I learned it was ok for me to be me. And that I could be safe around others.
Now we would still be folks helping each other.
Frankly, as I spent almost 2 hours writing this, I had to ask myself, why Susie...what will you get out of this?????
The truth is, I need it. I do not have any place in the world to go to And tell how I am really feeling and be understood and cared about. No one gets me if I am real. I know you all will "get" me and allow me to be weak once in a while. That's why all the words.
I give and give and give and give in my real life. Sometimes it would be nice to receive. But that is just me.

This is our group.
How do we want to use it?

Moderators, can you call everyone in here? I am too tired. Smiling at you all, bright wings

Jump to this post

@brightwings Hello again and like your words. Comic relief is just that even though it may be a stretch with sarcasm and cynicism. Okay and yes I am laughing. Calling all DID's together who have become this way because of what others DID to them. I read all of your words. Some of us still hide to keep the whole safe.
Smiling back at you. I come here to share as sharing anywhere else could result in more hurt and even expulsion. Giving is sharing. Take care.

REPLY
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Jul 20, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense withdrawal process from my antidepressant. Wow it's sucks big time. But its getting better. And it was the right thing to do for me to stop my antidepressant.
.
Ok, truthfully, I miss my brain. All my brain circuits have to rewire themselves to work without the drug. And I have multiple sclerosis so my neurons keep dying and a thought has to be rerouted. I have to tell you sometimes its like a pinball going crazy to get a thought completed. Its funny but its not.
Remember, I like to be playful cuz stories like I reread here tonight are just plain awful. And many more words come to mine but I am too much of a lady to say them...most of the time, winking.
So I play to balance the dreadful pain that comes with these stories, only they are not stories, these were our lives.
.
Ok I was so surprised to find 3 pages of comments here. WHAT?????
So I sat back and reread the pages and the stories we all shared and thought about how we are using it.
In my humble opinion, we are in the introductory stage...hi, bright wings here. This happened to me, Oh sorry that happened. This happened to me. Next person same. I am NOT CRITIZING only observing and sharing those observations.
.
Now who am I to be able to say these things and you guys care to listen?
R.N. 21 years, alcoholism treatment center 6 years. Years of inpatient psych units AND MY 32 year RECOVERY and integrating more than 250 personalities.
Ok so why all the words Susie?
.
Question for all.
What do you think if we put a focus of one topic up for all to think about and after a period of time we come together and share about it.
We could choose topics and then either work things out here and respond to each other when someone pops in or all do it together the same day.
.
I was in therapy from 1986 to 2011 with a 10 year break somewhere. It helped...but the groups, gosh.
I learned to be comfortable with myself and with others. Groups are like the difference between using a diving board to enter the water or diving in the pool from the side. I grew more from the groups, its a different kind of focus than 1/1.
I learned how to care for others and learned it was ok to allow someone to care for me. I learned it was ok for me to be me. And that I could be safe around others.
Now we would still be folks helping each other.
Frankly, as I spent almost 2 hours writing this, I had to ask myself, why Susie...what will you get out of this?????
The truth is, I need it. I do not have any place in the world to go to And tell how I am really feeling and be understood and cared about. No one gets me if I am real. I know you all will "get" me and allow me to be weak once in a while. That's why all the words.
I give and give and give and give in my real life. Sometimes it would be nice to receive. But that is just me.

This is our group.
How do we want to use it?

Moderators, can you call everyone in here? I am too tired. Smiling at you all, bright wings

Jump to this post

Dear Parus and Brightwings: Thank you both for being there. As far as I am concerned groups are the best way to help the healing. There are many places where here are no groups or the persons in need of the group cannot physically get to the groups. Brightwings suggestion to have the groups held on this site is a good idea. Perhaps not as good as being there physically but better than nothing. I myself need the group but still waiting for one near me. I am sure that there are many more people needing this care. What to do? The need for mental health can change the world for the better. To me EVERYTHING IS COORDINATION AND MONEY. Love to all Peach

REPLY
Brightwings AKA Cute Susie | @brightwings | Jul 20, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense..." + (show)
@brightwings

Hello everybody, glad to be back here. I was gone so long because of the intense withdrawal process from my antidepressant. Wow it's sucks big time. But its getting better. And it was the right thing to do for me to stop my antidepressant.
.
Ok, truthfully, I miss my brain. All my brain circuits have to rewire themselves to work without the drug. And I have multiple sclerosis so my neurons keep dying and a thought has to be rerouted. I have to tell you sometimes its like a pinball going crazy to get a thought completed. Its funny but its not.
Remember, I like to be playful cuz stories like I reread here tonight are just plain awful. And many more words come to mine but I am too much of a lady to say them...most of the time, winking.
So I play to balance the dreadful pain that comes with these stories, only they are not stories, these were our lives.
.
Ok I was so surprised to find 3 pages of comments here. WHAT?????
So I sat back and reread the pages and the stories we all shared and thought about how we are using it.
In my humble opinion, we are in the introductory stage...hi, bright wings here. This happened to me, Oh sorry that happened. This happened to me. Next person same. I am NOT CRITIZING only observing and sharing those observations.
.
Now who am I to be able to say these things and you guys care to listen?
R.N. 21 years, alcoholism treatment center 6 years. Years of inpatient psych units AND MY 32 year RECOVERY and integrating more than 250 personalities.
Ok so why all the words Susie?
.
Question for all.
What do you think if we put a focus of one topic up for all to think about and after a period of time we come together and share about it.
We could choose topics and then either work things out here and respond to each other when someone pops in or all do it together the same day.
.
I was in therapy from 1986 to 2011 with a 10 year break somewhere. It helped...but the groups, gosh.
I learned to be comfortable with myself and with others. Groups are like the difference between using a diving board to enter the water or diving in the pool from the side. I grew more from the groups, its a different kind of focus than 1/1.
I learned how to care for others and learned it was ok to allow someone to care for me. I learned it was ok for me to be me. And that I could be safe around others.
Now we would still be folks helping each other.
Frankly, as I spent almost 2 hours writing this, I had to ask myself, why Susie...what will you get out of this?????
The truth is, I need it. I do not have any place in the world to go to And tell how I am really feeling and be understood and cared about. No one gets me if I am real. I know you all will "get" me and allow me to be weak once in a while. That's why all the words.
I give and give and give and give in my real life. Sometimes it would be nice to receive. But that is just me.

This is our group.
How do we want to use it?

Moderators, can you call everyone in here? I am too tired. Smiling at you all, bright wings

Jump to this post

@parus.....hahaha, I caught all that! Loved it.
I also respect that some peeps won't participate, Hurrah for them. Somebody's got to keep the big safe, right? You all are so important to the whole of you. I have a little smile for you cuz I don't want to scare anyone off.
I do want to ask one thing of everyone's littles...that is, stay here with us and watch. Keep guard if you have to or want to but just see how this works out, Okay?
Parus, that is the funniest defination of us and others I have ever heard. And right on too. Excellent!
Expulsion, oh how that could happen to me too. I feel/see the attitudes of others who know/knew my story. Now I am the crazy lady who says she healed.
I know the local restaurant in town had a lengthy discussion about how crazy I was/am. It was lead by a waitress who was a teen when I went to visit her mom who is bedridden with MS, someone from my church. Only her hands work. As I said before, I am one of the lucky ones with MS. So the mom told the kid my stories. Still haunts me today. Only 700 in this town. Not like I can lose myself in crowds. Later, gator...BW

REPLY
Brightwings AKA Cute Susie | @brightwings | Jul 20, 2018

@peach414144
I too, I need the group. While I integrated in '11, I will never BE normal. Nor would I be allowed to be normal. Its nice to know I can speak and be heard. Not blown away for what I think or say.
Coordination and money, huh? Well if you want me to coordinate, I can if you guys want me to. It won't be my group, but our group. Money is not an object here is it?
So it sounds like parus and peach and cute Susie are in...any more takers?
How ever, I am going to change the subject.
.
We need to play. So I am proposing a Halloween party. Come in costume and maybe post a picture of your costume. What ever costume or character you choose to be and can stay in thru the party wins a prize. Virtual of course. . I found a picture on the internet for the last party I attended like this. We can choose a date later. How does this sound,
I know I have what feels like a very important birthday coming up in September. How about birthday party's too?
Its summer, can we please have a picnic? Who would like to set up the picnic for us all? I am giggling cuz there won't be any clean up and I am into that for sure. Who is bringing what food?
Ok, headed to the ceremony grounds for a work party. I will return after dark probably. Places to go and things to do. Keep throwing out ideas if you have any.
Now do we want this a closed group or open one? Do we want to invite Lisa and colleen to come to our parties.
Come on, throw out your ideas. Smiling At you all, I am heading down the road. Bye, Bright Wings

REPLY
6 replies
peach414144 | @peach414144 | Jul 20, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "@peach414144 I too, I need the group. While I integrated in '11, I will never BE..." + (show)
@brightwings

@peach414144
I too, I need the group. While I integrated in '11, I will never BE normal. Nor would I be allowed to be normal. Its nice to know I can speak and be heard. Not blown away for what I think or say.
Coordination and money, huh? Well if you want me to coordinate, I can if you guys want me to. It won't be my group, but our group. Money is not an object here is it?
So it sounds like parus and peach and cute Susie are in...any more takers?
How ever, I am going to change the subject.
.
We need to play. So I am proposing a Halloween party. Come in costume and maybe post a picture of your costume. What ever costume or character you choose to be and can stay in thru the party wins a prize. Virtual of course. . I found a picture on the internet for the last party I attended like this. We can choose a date later. How does this sound,
I know I have what feels like a very important birthday coming up in September. How about birthday party's too?
Its summer, can we please have a picnic? Who would like to set up the picnic for us all? I am giggling cuz there won't be any clean up and I am into that for sure. Who is bringing what food?
Ok, headed to the ceremony grounds for a work party. I will return after dark probably. Places to go and things to do. Keep throwing out ideas if you have any.
Now do we want this a closed group or open one? Do we want to invite Lisa and colleen to come to our parties.
Come on, throw out your ideas. Smiling At you all, I am heading down the road. Bye, Bright Wings

Jump to this post

It is a very lonely life when you are different. People do not understand you and then become afraid of you because of the differences. That is when they pull away. When I watched the movie "The Accountant" is when I realized this most important thing with relationships. This movie is educational for all of us. But the loneliness is a killer. Somehow try to hang in there.

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Jul 20, 2018
In reply to @brightwings "@peach414144 I too, I need the group. While I integrated in '11, I will never BE..." + (show)
@brightwings

@peach414144
I too, I need the group. While I integrated in '11, I will never BE normal. Nor would I be allowed to be normal. Its nice to know I can speak and be heard. Not blown away for what I think or say.
Coordination and money, huh? Well if you want me to coordinate, I can if you guys want me to. It won't be my group, but our group. Money is not an object here is it?
So it sounds like parus and peach and cute Susie are in...any more takers?
How ever, I am going to change the subject.
.
We need to play. So I am proposing a Halloween party. Come in costume and maybe post a picture of your costume. What ever costume or character you choose to be and can stay in thru the party wins a prize. Virtual of course. . I found a picture on the internet for the last party I attended like this. We can choose a date later. How does this sound,
I know I have what feels like a very important birthday coming up in September. How about birthday party's too?
Its summer, can we please have a picnic? Who would like to set up the picnic for us all? I am giggling cuz there won't be any clean up and I am into that for sure. Who is bringing what food?
Ok, headed to the ceremony grounds for a work party. I will return after dark probably. Places to go and things to do. Keep throwing out ideas if you have any.
Now do we want this a closed group or open one? Do we want to invite Lisa and colleen to come to our parties.
Come on, throw out your ideas. Smiling At you all, I am heading down the road. Bye, Bright Wings

Jump to this post

Am hanging in even if only by my toenails at times. Loneliness can be crippling when we allow it to do so. There are times there is strength in numbers.

REPLY
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