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seekinghero
@seekinghero

Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 11, 2018

Dissociative identity disorders D.I.D.

Posted by @seekinghero, Sat, Mar 10 8:07pm

Ohgosh… where to start?
I have multiple personally disorder. From viscous abuse infent-12yrs old. I was not born with D.I.D.
I am learning more each time i poke around the internet 4info.
My brain feels like sometimes a vehicle trying to stall out. I blank out 4 a few seconds. Scarey.
I've started hypnotic sessions & made healthy strides. Tho i don't think all my personalities have come forward. How do i get in touch with the others? Thanks

REPLY

Hello @seekinghero, Thank you for starting this discussion. Welcome to Connect.

If you're comfortable sharing, can you talk a little more about what lead to your diagnosis? I'm glad to see that you have taken measures to get help and making healthy strides. What were the first steps you took in seeking treatment for yourself?

I would like to introduce you to some other members that have discussed similar experiences- @hlp4son, @susieqpants, @gailb @jimhd @aultsisterofpsychosis and @marylynette

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

God Bless you @brightwings.

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

I know without a doubt God is blessing me. He keeps leading me to where he needs me to be, either to help myself or others.
I died 5 times before I was 5 years old from severe abuse. Each time I went to heaven, I saw the bright light that was God and an Adobe like structure with the gates locked tight. Each time God said to me," Susie, you have to go back. I have things for you to do."
I believed I was too bad to have a place in heaven and that's why God hated me so much I was not allowed to stay in heaven. Children do not understand things like this. So when I turned 5 and could finally attend the long awaited vacation school, I was going around in a circle with 6 other kids singing, Jesus loves the little children….I absolutely knew that was true….for every child in the world….EXCEPT ME.
NOW FOR ANYONE READING THIS: YES JESUS does love all the little children. Even me. It was my childish thinking that gave me that idea. I had no other way to explain getting kicked out of heaven 5 times.
Once in my recovery, I remember screaming at God, "where were you when all this was happening to me?". I instantly saw a very old face, with long white beard and hair. That face was streaming tears as I am right now. I instantly knew God grieved thru all my abuse but he could not stop any of it because he gave man free will. That meant He couldn't stop my abuse.
Now to be fair, He saved my life 5 times. Each time I was sent back, I was given a gift to use in my work for him. I don't remember them all at once because those gifts are not about me. They are to assist in His work and when those gifts get to be about me, I lose them until I am humble again.
I always remember I fight evil. I have known great evil in my life. Evil still hates me.
I can also use angels to help folks when I get a message to use one. But remember, those gifts are not about me but HIM. Smiling at you all, Bright Wings

Ok I hear your plea. The most helpful info I can say is start journaling. I have 32 journals because of the scope of my abuse. I was taught to write with my non dominant hand to allow other peeps to have a voice also. It worked and yes, you can write or print with your other hand.
Most of my journaling was done with my right hand but I am so glad I found a way to give my "others" a voice too.
Those journals are the history of my healing. I am so glad I did.

@brightwings

Ok I hear your plea. The most helpful info I can say is start journaling. I have 32 journals because of the scope of my abuse. I was taught to write with my non dominant hand to allow other peeps to have a voice also. It worked and yes, you can write or print with your other hand.
Most of my journaling was done with my right hand but I am so glad I found a way to give my "others" a voice too.
Those journals are the history of my healing. I am so glad I did.

Jump to this post

Wow good for you. Journaling is an awesome thing to do. I have Journal before. Might be a good thing to start again.

Great, let me know if you get stuck. Oops, I just remembered when I was journaling, if I didn't know what to write, I wrote just that. I don't know what to write over and over, somehow that got the "pressure" off me and suddenly volumes would come pouring out of me. I do not pretend to know everything, but I am willing to share or even just support you. Plenty of folks helped me when I was WILLING TO LISTEN. its ok if one of your peeps doesn't want to do something. They will come around in time. Smiling at you, Bright Wings

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

Hi, @brightwings — I like that your username seems to capture where you are trying to go with your life now. I'm also very glad you are not done with groups like this. Great to have you here. I'm picturing you now blowing bubbles and watching them float away into the sky.

I'm extremely sorry to hear about the abuse you endured as a little child and the multiple personalities that developed. I thought you might like to meet @ilovejesus, @peachy, @kecsystem, who may have some thoughts for on your history with dissociative identity disorder, formerly called multiple personality disorder, from their personal experiences. Also wanted to introduce you to @parus @amberpep @lafaye @gagelle @peach414144 @vsinn2000 and @wendallzmom, who will understand your experience with abuse and whom I hope will share some of their insights with you from the situations from which they have emerged.

What would you say has been key in helping you take your life back from the abuse? What was needed for you to fully integrate your hundreds of personalities?

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

Thank you for your kind reply. I clicked on your profile and was taken back by your posted name. It felt scary on one side of me, while I "know" I am not being abused now.
What helped me to be in control? That is how I am choosing to answer this question? I got mad, I had already been a victim, poor me, and so afraid to leave the house in case "someone would hurt me again"
Yes, I had been abused tremendously. AND I ALLOWED THE MEMORIES OF ABUSE TO END MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT.
As I said before God continually leads me to the next place for healing. IF I AM LISTENING.
I was lead to a group in a church full of other survivors of sexual abuse. I jumped in with both feet. They were singing my songs.
I finally learned I could be angry about my abuse. I was not being abused anymore. No one would kill me any more if I got mad., a definite possibility when I was a child.
So I got mad, angry, pissed, add any word you want, I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL IT. I VOWED I WAS TAKING BACK MY LIFE. The slogan I used was and is….I WILL NOT LET THEM WIN.
NO matter how hard the memories or the denial got, I kept putting one foot in front of the other and kept going. Why??? BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN. AND I AM WORTH WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO HEAL.

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@brightwings I am so glad that you found Connect! Thanks for adding your remarkable story to this discussion.

I look forward to hearing from you again

Teresa

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@Dear, dear, dear Brightwings: take it from an 80 year old woman woh has been tortured mentally and physically by both my mother, father and sisters: IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM. You are loved by Jesus and all of the rest of us on this planet whether they know you or not. It was not until I ran away from my family (and ran to the authorities) that I found the truth. God loves me and I love me. It took many years but here I am and here you are. When you believe in yourself it all comes together. I have made it to 80 and am looking to go as far as I can. I could continue on but you will eventually see> With love and careingly, Peach

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@Dear Brightwings, I need to add this to my previous reply: I lived in a godless family. This made it a long, long journey for me. It is only very recently I have found god. There are so many stories. HANG IN THERE! Peach

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

For anyone with DID it is not your fault!!! Would that the medical world would not judge because of such a diagnosis. I wanted no one knowing and because of all the sharing within medical groups this has happened. People read and watch too much and are ignorant. Be brave and I hope others do not experience/abuse due to ignorance. I am partially integrated and I much prefer the DID. Not easy being us at times.

@brightwings

Ok I hear your plea. The most helpful info I can say is start journaling. I have 32 journals because of the scope of my abuse. I was taught to write with my non dominant hand to allow other peeps to have a voice also. It worked and yes, you can write or print with your other hand.
Most of my journaling was done with my right hand but I am so glad I found a way to give my "others" a voice too.
Those journals are the history of my healing. I am so glad I did.

Jump to this post

@brightwings Yes, it is true. Even my art work has different styles when the others are not working together. Thank you for your post. The others do deserve to be heard. you are brave.

@brightwings

Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.

Jump to this post

@peach414144 The mother was a religious fanatic and it was severely abusive.

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