Depression and Chronic Pain

Posted by sharlynn62 @sharlynn62, Nov 27, 2016

I have been dealing with episodes of major depression and dysthmia since I was a teenager and now I am in my 50’s and have moderate to severe arthritis in my lower back and knees along with chronic daily migraines and I am in pain just about every minute of every day. I wake up in the morning disappointed that I am still alive and have to go through another day. I feel that I am a huge burden on my family and am nothing but a “shell” full of negativity. I don’t have a decent doctor who will work with me to address all of my problems and help me with other methods since I can’t take opiod meds and NSAIDS (I had bariatric surgery) and now my insurance company wants to stop paying for my weekly therapy sessions (they’re cutting them back to twice a month.
I feel so hopeless and trapped. I don’t want to live like this. I will never end my life, though, because I know what suicide would do to my family and I would never put them through that. I used to be able to work and that was how I coped; I’m no longer able to work and it’s killing me. I have no one to talk to that understands and doesn’t mind listening to someone who is not Miss Bubbly and full of interesting stories to tell. Insights anyone?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety group.

@parus

@merpreb I also have PTSD. That dark voice comes from the past. There are times it is hard to silence the rage of that voice.
Medications messed with me in ways that are difficult to talk about.
A call from a sibling is upsetting. Why I am struggling for now. She and my mother found pleasure in tormenting me. Brings that back.
Sorry as I get dragged back to a place that no one needs to experience.
I am working on trying to not beat myself up when I do something I enjoy and that it is okay and it is only the past trying to still punish me. Working on it.

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@parus. It sounds like you are tormented by what you experienced in the past. I wish that you could've gotten some help from medications. I take some that help me get through the day. Are you seeing a counselor or therapist? What you bring up regarding things that happen (a call from a sibling) that cause you to feel the pain from the past are "triggers". I experience the same kind of thing and I have developed a "Trigger Action Plan". so that when I get triggered by something that occurs or by someone, I have a plan for what to do to to deal with the thoughts and feelings that get stirred up. For example, I will listen to music or play the piano. Sometimes, when I'm really struggling, I'll just get myself up and find something that requires some kind of physical effort, like vacuuming. It seems to divert my attention and is an outlet for my feelings. It helps me calm down and get some control.
I hope this might be helpful to you. Hang in there. The past may continue to "haunt" you at times, but there are things you can do in the present that will help distance you from the past as you get used to, as they say, "be present in this moment".

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@sharlynn62 – That sounds like an excellent plan. I hope that you have a huge success with it. What has helped me is my blog and writing on here. I can blow off a lot of steam from my triggers just by writing. My twin, who died several years ago, was a borderline personality and drug addict.. She was some tough character. My blood would boil every time she called because it meant that she wanted something. I wont bore you with all the details but I also feel guilty that I wasn't more understanding. I think that she just wore me out. I've almost come to terms with it. But if I hear a person with her tone of voice I cringe and get angry.

Here are several tips on dealing with triggers.
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-triggers-and-coping-strategies-2797557
https://www.verywellmind.com/developing-a-safety-plan-for-ptsd-symptoms-2797577

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@merpreb

@sharlynn62 – That sounds like an excellent plan. I hope that you have a huge success with it. What has helped me is my blog and writing on here. I can blow off a lot of steam from my triggers just by writing. My twin, who died several years ago, was a borderline personality and drug addict.. She was some tough character. My blood would boil every time she called because it meant that she wanted something. I wont bore you with all the details but I also feel guilty that I wasn't more understanding. I think that she just wore me out. I've almost come to terms with it. But if I hear a person with her tone of voice I cringe and get angry.

Here are several tips on dealing with triggers.
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-triggers-and-coping-strategies-2797557
https://www.verywellmind.com/developing-a-safety-plan-for-ptsd-symptoms-2797577

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@merpreb Thank you for sharing the info. Maybe it will offer some suggestions. Endeavoring to recover from last syrupy call knowing there is another scheme in the making. A religious fanatic like our mother was. Grrrrrr

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@parus- Oh boy, very hard to deal with. Is there anyway that you would want to sever your relationships with them? I would probably feel as you do. Against what we are brought up to believe in, honor your mother and father, sometimes the best plan is complete severance for self preservation. It wasn't until the very end of my twin's life that I became involved in a closer way. I just couldn't deal with the negative energy and what it was doing to me. She died in my arms. She had spent her whole life wanting to die.

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@parus

@merpreb I have that dark voice that tells me I don’t deserve to feel good. Wondering if anyone else with depression feels the same way. I don’t believe I am undeserving yet that old message seems to return. I keep as busy as I can. I am sad for what others go through. Medications were a disaster. I am thankful I stumbled up this community as I am continually learning. A fortunate stumble thus far.

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So glad you stumbled onto Connect, @parus . Connect is better because you are here.

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@hopeful33250

So glad you stumbled onto Connect, @parus . Connect is better because you are here.

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@hopeful33250 Aw shucks. Thank you.

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@parus

@hopeful33250 Aw shucks. Thank you.

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@parus You are more than welcome!

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@parus- I always look forward to your posts because they are full of wisdom and great advice. And often you are our cheerleader! I'm very glad that you are on Connect.

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@jimhd

Hi, @sharlynn62. I’ve been treated for depression for around 13 years, though I know now that it was a problem to some degree since I was a child. I’m 66 now, and have been retired for 11 years, on Social Security Disability for mental health issues, including multiple suicide attempts. Around 5 years ago, I found out that I have peripheral neuropathy, usually connected with diabetes, but not in my case. The cause of the nerve damage can’t really be determined, but by now, I have constant pain, along with numbness and pins and needles. It’s a burning pain in my toes and the balls of my feet and the top part by my toes. The combination of depression and chronic pain is a really tough one. I’m glad you don’t consider suicide to be an option. Rationally, I have the same feeling about as you. I wish I could say that the thoughts are never a problem, but I think about it nearly every day. Cognitive therapy has given me tools to deal with the thoughts, but they’re still there. For pain, I take morphine sulfate contin, Cymbalta and Oxycodone for breakthrough pain. I put Lidocaine cream on my feet at bedtime, to numb them so I can get to sleep, and at other times when the pain is bad. I recently got some Marijuana from the local dispensary, and made cannabutter, and if I use enough, it does reduce the pain for a couple of hours. The pain specialist told me to get low THC and high CBD. I may apply for a green card, so I can get the stronger medical Marijuana. That process is expensive, so I’ve put off doing it. I also take Bupropion for depression, and Klonopin to keep me from kicking during the night and injuring my wife. The Klonopin also helps when I’m in a stressful situation that might start a panic attack. Sometimes I take Orphenadrine, a muscle relaxer, when my back is hurting (I fell 12 ft. when my ladder started sliding off to the side, and had 3 compression fractures in my lower back.) Several things have helped me, some of which might resonate with you. I have a psychiatric service dog, who’s always with me; I’ve seen therapists for many years until 2 years ago, when the LCSW left our little town for a better paying job with a VA hospital; my wife is very supportive, though not always understanding; I’m a retired minister, and my faith in God is an important part of my life; we live in the country, on ten acres, where it’s peaceful and quiet; I play the piano for the Sunday evening service at our church; and I’m a Hospice volunteer, and visit patients weekly for an hour or so. Time for bed now, so that’s a good reason to quit rambling on. I hope you’ll find things that will help you with your own pain and depression.

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Hi I was just reading your response and stop dead after reading about you getting your green card for CBD or the other stuff. I’ve learned this by a great doctor in Ohio. A neurologist. He said people who suffer from depression, anxiety or panic disorders too stay far away from that stuff. It worsens all of them. I tried one that was for panic attacks and let me tell you, I ended up at the ER. I thought I was having a heart attack. It was a panic attack. My BP was 189/125 something like that and it scared the heck out of me. Now I see what this doctor meant. If interested I could find his name as he you tubes a lot of stuff.

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Hi rucyrious, I have also been doing research on CBD oil. What did you mean when you said you “tried one for panic”? Was it CBD ? I would be interested in knowing the doctor’s name, if you could find out. I really appreciate it! ……….Karen

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@rucyrious

Hi I was just reading your response and stop dead after reading about you getting your green card for CBD or the other stuff. I’ve learned this by a great doctor in Ohio. A neurologist. He said people who suffer from depression, anxiety or panic disorders too stay far away from that stuff. It worsens all of them. I tried one that was for panic attacks and let me tell you, I ended up at the ER. I thought I was having a heart attack. It was a panic attack. My BP was 189/125 something like that and it scared the heck out of me. Now I see what this doctor meant. If interested I could find his name as he you tubes a lot of stuff.

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What this doctor said is true, but not for everyone. I can’t use medical marijuana because it does make my panic, anxiety 100 times worse. I’ve tried it several times and each time I was in a fetal position for hours. I do use CBD oil with no THC that you can buy or order and it works great. Even better is the CBD gummy’s

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@rucyrious

Hi I was just reading your response and stop dead after reading about you getting your green card for CBD or the other stuff. I’ve learned this by a great doctor in Ohio. A neurologist. He said people who suffer from depression, anxiety or panic disorders too stay far away from that stuff. It worsens all of them. I tried one that was for panic attacks and let me tell you, I ended up at the ER. I thought I was having a heart attack. It was a panic attack. My BP was 189/125 something like that and it scared the heck out of me. Now I see what this doctor meant. If interested I could find his name as he you tubes a lot of stuff.

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@rucyrious I am not a doctor, am not giving medical advice, just my opinion. I feel you are painting this with a broad brush. There are many responses to any medication, by many people. What works for some, doesn't work for another. It's a fine line. The mind and body is a complex and miraculous machine. I take CBD oil for anxiety and the anti-inflammatory properties, with no negative side-effects.
Ginger

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