@merpreb I also have PTSD. That dark voice comes from the past. There are times it is hard to silence the rage of that voice.
Medications messed with me in ways that are difficult to talk about.
A call from a sibling is upsetting. Why I am struggling for now. She and my mother found pleasure in tormenting me. Brings that back.
Sorry as I get dragged back to a place that no one needs to experience.
I am working on trying to not beat myself up when I do something I enjoy and that it is okay and it is only the past trying to still punish me. Working on it.

@parus– I think that all depression begins in childhood! I am sorry to hear about your family's behavior. Some people can be very mean, even in families.

You are not alone…Keep writing your thought down, hopefully the energy and support you receive from this group will help you cope better.

@tiredat61

You're not alone, there is always someone in worse shape and I am one of them. Make a game plan and don't let life beat you down, start fighting back. I have to deal with some major surgeries before I even get to square one. There are options for pain, marijuana, cognitive behavioral therapy, sit in a hot tub with your favorite drink, support groups, church, find another doctor. Keep fighting back.

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Hi, @tiredat61 – you mentioned being in worse shape, I believe with dealing with pain as well as depression? Will you share more about that?

@merpreb

@parus– I think that all depression begins in childhood! I am sorry to hear about your family's behavior. Some people can be very mean, even in families.

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Merry, it's the families that often hurt us the worst. If you in your life have not experienced that, you are truly blessed. I can so identify with the thoughts expressed here. I want to encourage everyone who has lived through these kinds of things and come out on the other side, to know that they are not alone. There is strength in numbers. Shared pain is lessened. When I can reflect on my words that I want to say, I will share more of this. I do not want to trigger anyone by revealing my stories regarding toxic family behavior. So I will simply say this. Enjoy your holidays! Do the things. Have the fun. Live your life. Because you, precious friend, deserve it. Of all people, you deserve it. You survived. And now, you can thrive.

Until later,

Mamacita

Mamacita- I surely have experience with them. And part of my family was certainly involved in causing a lot of emotional pain. I agree that this site is where sharing and supporting each other is a blessing. I have shared a lot of these on different posts here. Have a great holiday season too.

@merpreb

Mamacita- I surely have experience with them. And part of my family was certainly involved in causing a lot of emotional pain. I agree that this site is where sharing and supporting each other is a blessing. I have shared a lot of these on different posts here. Have a great holiday season too.

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Much love and light to you, darling. You help make everything better. What a lovely place we have here. How glad I am to have found this part of my tribe!

Mamacita

@freshair

I have discovered over the years that depending wholly on my doctors gets me little or nowhere. When my health problems began a decade ago, I did some research, discovering that inflammation run amok is a major cause or contributor to all kinds of issues. While the doctors were doing what they did, which was precious little at times (I'm actually being generous here), I was treating myself with affordable herbs and vitamins focused initially on treating inflammation. It got me out of the wheelchair, and more mobile. It worked in helping virtually all symptoms and disease processes, including depression. Life is one of those things that you can't live again, but you can heal and begin to make up for lost time by feeling better and beginning to live that. Don't give up. Determine to depend on yourself in the health and healing department, rather than someone else, wherever possible. Remember, you are your own best advocate. You are also your own boss. Caring for yourself and following through are your best tools to better health.

Also, confirm that your migraine pain is not sinus issues. If you have sinus problems, these symptoms can be confused as migraines. You may find that something as simple as Ocean nose spray (it's essentially buffered saline) or better yet, its generic, will change your life where sinus and nose problems are concerned. If someone told me that a dollar bottle of nose spray could help me quickly through regular use, I might be tempted to disbelieve. However, the simple act of using saline nasal spray saved me from being led down the primrose path of sinus surgery by my doctors at the time. And yes, migraines had been a major issue for me, sometime after relocating to a new area of the country.

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@freshair, I agree with you 100%. I also know what you mean about migraine pain and Ocean nose spray. Some times I use Floniase if my allergy symptoms are kicking up. I have Burning Mouth Syndrome and my experience is that most doctors are not well informed. Thanks for the tips.

@gailb

Everyone, this post by @sharlynn62, originated in 2016. We don’t know if she's still having an issue. Please notice the year, as well as the month and day of the posts as they are cumulative. I've commented on old posts several times myself.

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Guess what? sharlynn62 is still around; still here in November, 2018 with the same issues, for the most part. I thank all of you who responded to my post and am sorry that I did not reply. It really means a lot to me that you all took the time to share your thoughts and suggestions with me; I don't know why I didn't respond back then, but I wanted to let you all know, now, that I appreciate all of your comments. I have read them all and already feel uplifted by the positive and supportive ideas you had. Some of you shared your challenging experiences and even though I understand and empathize with the difficulties you are experiencing, it is helpful to know that I'm not alone in the struggles we face. I certainly realize that there are people who have things a lot worse than I do and sometimes it's hard not to feel like I'm being selfish and pitying myself, when talking about my problems. However, I respect that everyone is effected in different ways by the issues that challenge them no matter how trivial or serious they may seem to others. (I can share this with others, but have a hard time putting it into practice with myself).

Again, thanks for caring about me and I hope to be a more active participant in further discussions.' Best to all…

@parus

@merpreb I also have PTSD. That dark voice comes from the past. There are times it is hard to silence the rage of that voice.
Medications messed with me in ways that are difficult to talk about.
A call from a sibling is upsetting. Why I am struggling for now. She and my mother found pleasure in tormenting me. Brings that back.
Sorry as I get dragged back to a place that no one needs to experience.
I am working on trying to not beat myself up when I do something I enjoy and that it is okay and it is only the past trying to still punish me. Working on it.

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@parus. It sounds like you are tormented by what you experienced in the past. I wish that you could've gotten some help from medications. I take some that help me get through the day. Are you seeing a counselor or therapist? What you bring up regarding things that happen (a call from a sibling) that cause you to feel the pain from the past are "triggers". I experience the same kind of thing and I have developed a "Trigger Action Plan". so that when I get triggered by something that occurs or by someone, I have a plan for what to do to to deal with the thoughts and feelings that get stirred up. For example, I will listen to music or play the piano. Sometimes, when I'm really struggling, I'll just get myself up and find something that requires some kind of physical effort, like vacuuming. It seems to divert my attention and is an outlet for my feelings. It helps me calm down and get some control.
I hope this might be helpful to you. Hang in there. The past may continue to "haunt" you at times, but there are things you can do in the present that will help distance you from the past as you get used to, as they say, "be present in this moment".

@sharlynn62 – That sounds like an excellent plan. I hope that you have a huge success with it. What has helped me is my blog and writing on here. I can blow off a lot of steam from my triggers just by writing. My twin, who died several years ago, was a borderline personality and drug addict.. She was some tough character. My blood would boil every time she called because it meant that she wanted something. I wont bore you with all the details but I also feel guilty that I wasn't more understanding. I think that she just wore me out. I've almost come to terms with it. But if I hear a person with her tone of voice I cringe and get angry.

Here are several tips on dealing with triggers.
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-triggers-and-coping-strategies-2797557
https://www.verywellmind.com/developing-a-safety-plan-for-ptsd-symptoms-2797577

@merpreb

@sharlynn62 – That sounds like an excellent plan. I hope that you have a huge success with it. What has helped me is my blog and writing on here. I can blow off a lot of steam from my triggers just by writing. My twin, who died several years ago, was a borderline personality and drug addict.. She was some tough character. My blood would boil every time she called because it meant that she wanted something. I wont bore you with all the details but I also feel guilty that I wasn't more understanding. I think that she just wore me out. I've almost come to terms with it. But if I hear a person with her tone of voice I cringe and get angry.

Here are several tips on dealing with triggers.
https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-triggers-and-coping-strategies-2797557
https://www.verywellmind.com/developing-a-safety-plan-for-ptsd-symptoms-2797577

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@merpreb Thank you for sharing the info. Maybe it will offer some suggestions. Endeavoring to recover from last syrupy call knowing there is another scheme in the making. A religious fanatic like our mother was. Grrrrrr

@parus– Oh boy, very hard to deal with. Is there anyway that you would want to sever your relationships with them? I would probably feel as you do. Against what we are brought up to believe in, honor your mother and father, sometimes the best plan is complete severance for self preservation. It wasn't until the very end of my twin's life that I became involved in a closer way. I just couldn't deal with the negative energy and what it was doing to me. She died in my arms. She had spent her whole life wanting to die.

@parus

@merpreb I have that dark voice that tells me I don’t deserve to feel good. Wondering if anyone else with depression feels the same way. I don’t believe I am undeserving yet that old message seems to return. I keep as busy as I can. I am sad for what others go through. Medications were a disaster. I am thankful I stumbled up this community as I am continually learning. A fortunate stumble thus far.

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So glad you stumbled onto Connect, @parus . Connect is better because you are here.

@hopeful33250

So glad you stumbled onto Connect, @parus . Connect is better because you are here.

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@hopeful33250 Aw shucks. Thank you.