depression

@jjheying Hello, Jenn. My goodness, you and your body are at war. There are many folks on these Connect sites who truly understand your feelings, your symptoms and pains and questions. You are talking with folks who have been or are in your place, had your feelings, felt lost and alone. I'm one.

Have you had the opportunity to go to a major teaching hospital or university? A major medical center like Cleveland Clinic or Johns Hopkins or Mayo Clinic? Do you think it would help for you to have a comprehensive work-up with different specialists.....beginning with neurology and moving on where the testing guides you? I am one who lived for many years suffering with a bunch of crazy symptoms. I was a very confusing patient, which naturally made life quite difficult. For me and for the poor docs who were stumped by my complaints. I needed answers.

So, I eventually called Mayo Clinic and asked for help. My word! Have I gotten help. I've seen multiple doctors and you know, these wonderful docs and other medical folks are finding reasons for the issues with which I've lived all these years. Reasons, answers, diagnoses, and finally treatments that are helping me out of depression, relieving anxiety, getting me off medications that were causing some of the problems, finding solutions and meds/treatment/therapy that help relieve my personal hell.

Well, Jenn, that's a bit of my input. Any ideas?
Blessings to you on this journey. Many of us are walking with you, and determined to fight to be better, to understand and live in some peace with our bodies. Let me know what you think, ok?
elizabeth

I know exactly how you feel I have the same problem! I’m so depressed from pain I don’t want to love anymore! It’s nothing but suffering try to get through the day!!!! Yeah wish I had a answer for! Just try to put one in front of the the other! Tak it one day at a time!!!!! I’ll pay for you🙏🏼

Very well put, true statement for many of us here. hope you feel better soon

I would love to come to the Mayo Clinic but I live in Fairhope, Al and I can’t afford to come way down there.

@jjheying I'm glad you took the initiative and started this conversation. When I was diagnosed with depression (and anxiety and PTSD and OCD) back in 2003, the doctor said I had almost certainly been living with these things for a long time, but just worked around them.

Beginning in 2001, I started feeling off, and in '04-'05, I made several suicide attempts, which not even my wife knew about. I self-admitted to a new, nice safe house that's run by the hospital nearby. I stayed for six weeks, though the average stay is 3 days, because I knew that I would commit suicide at my first chance if I left any sooner.

That was at the end of 2005, and I still see a therapist weekly, now via telemed, which is like Skype. Thanks to some good therapists and medications and doctors, those mental health challenges are held at bay. But too much of the time, I feel like I'm walking on ice, and can look down and see the roiling river of depression et al.

Idiopathic small fiber peripheral polyneuropathy and autonomic neuropathy entered my life around ten years ago, and my life was changed. Pain in my feet and ankles has a direct impact on the stuff going on in my head. For the 5 years after my stay at Sage View, it was really hard to believe what people told me - that it WILL get better. I was in a dark hole with no sign of light. But the day came when suicide wasn't at the front of my thoughts. I was able to say that I would stay alive for more than a week, and now that promise to myself can stretch out for the number of months until we see our granddaughters.

I know that depression and anxiety and PTSD are still issues, but I'm not overwhelmed by them. Meds, therapy, family, faith and my hyper-attentive service dog, Sadie, work together to keep them under control. But the pain of the clear memories of the dark hole of depression is never far away. I've reconciled to knowing that some things will very likely be with me the rest of my life. I think that helps to take some of the sting out.

Well, it's later than I think, thanks to daylight savings time, so I have to stop writing and put my Bipap mask on and go to sleep. I have faith that you will find strength to face life a day at a time.

Jim

@lacy2 My medications are all lined up in my medicine cabinet, and every night I set out my morning, midday and bedtime pills. From the left, there are 4 that are for the next morning, one for morning and midday, 3 that are morning and bedtime, and the last 4 are for bedtime.

Nearly every night, after I dole out the pills, I consciously close the door and acknowledge that I have gone one more day without taking more pills than I'm prescribed. I have enough pills to OD a dozen people, antidepressants, anxiety medications, pain meds...any one of them I have in sufficient quantities to do the job. My wife trusts that I won't, but she's given a lot of thought to what she'd do if I die prematurely. I carry guilt for having turned her world upside down.

I've never been emotional, but I often have the sensation of crying inside, mostly in the night.

Time to wash the dishes. I pray that each day you will have the strength for that day.

Jim

I too have an abundant amount of medication. Every time I hear about a new vitamin or pill that would alleviate the pain, I cringe at the thought of adding to the pile.
I am thankful (but not wishing this on anyone) that there are others who can relate. I feel crazy. I question is this in my head? Is it real? No one else can see it, so I must be making it up for sympathy.
Knowing there are others out there that have the same pain does give me strength. Plus Mayo just accepted my referral. Hoping to get my Neuropathy at least to a tolerable state.
Jenn

I have read that most of you work with therapists. Is this something that you would recommend?
Jenn

Thank you for listening to me.
This site has helped. And recently learned Mayo Clinic accepted my referral. Excited to see what they say. Not expecting a cure, thats for sure. Just not feel my skin burning or sooooo cold. I would like some form of normalcy. Sometimes I wish I could take this body off and put on a new one.
I am 46 going on 47 and would like to be able to enjoy the 50's. Be able to work and not be a burden on my husband.
My husband is a bit older than me. He is 61. I feel bad because he thinks he cant retire because I cant work and need to switch jobs. This disease have changed my path and where I, well we thought we would be heading.
Thank you again for listening.
Jenn

Hi @jjheying I can understand how you feel about vitamins, supplements, and medication. It can be overwhelming and confusing to find what is best for you. I went through a similar path. Through trial error I tried some of the supplements other members suggested. I did not find any relief. What works for some may not work for others. I have learned to look up the food sources for the vitamins and supplements mentioned before doing a trial. I found those foods to be part of my diet so no wonder there was no difference. Before deciding to take anything, you should also consider the diet and lifestyle of the person recommending the vitamins, supplements, or medications. I have had neuropathy for 4 years now. It resulted from my last surgical repair of my AVM in my cerebellum. I do not take any medications. I was very active prior. What I found to work best for me is a diet low in carbohydrates and lots of exercise. I recently purchased a manual treadmill and will start this week. Because of my balance issues I am very limited with the exercise equipment I select. I hope this helps you to find your solution. Don’t be afraid to try the basics first. Toni