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Depressed caregiver

Posted by deek15redpeppers @deek15redpeppers, Jul 17, 2021

My spouse has metastatic kidney cancer which they don't think will end her life, lots of comorbidities and is disabled. Most recently she has severe sternal pain from a fracture, so is mostly housebound. I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and am really down. Deek

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nanette2022 | @nanette2022 | Jul 22, 2021
In reply to @lizzier "WOW. She did the dishes! I am so excited for both of you. My hubby is..." + (show)
@lizzier

WOW. She did the dishes! I am so excited for both of you. My hubby is a great dish washer also. A master of all trades. It's sunny today in the Northeast after weeks of dismal rainy days. The light at the end of the tunnel. I love hearing from everyone. Love is a Many Splendid Thing (an old movie and an old song). Oh that reminds me. I watched an amazing, kind of old movie, on Netflix the other day. It's only going to be on until the 22nd. I didn't know that they time limited those movies. But this movie was a gem with the multi-talented Vanessa Redgrave. The name of it is Unfinished Song. I bawled through the whole thing, but it was so delightful, and so poignant. I told all of my friends about it, and everyone called just to thank me for the movie tip. Such a sweet gentle, and at times uproariously funny movie. I can cry at parades however, but this movie could make a rock cry. it was a delight. One of my all time favorites. Even my friends told friends, and everyone loves this movie. I found it by dumb luck. Watch it if you have time.

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Thank you for letting me know that, even at my age, there are other people who cry watching movies. I just finished watching "Young Patton" and I cried, I cried to the very end.

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1 reply
lizzier | @lizzier | Jul 22, 2021

Really gets it out doesn't it.

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jal333 | @jal333 | Jul 23, 2021
In reply to @nanette2022 "Thank you for letting me know that, even at my age, there are other people who..." + (show)
@nanette2022

Thank you for letting me know that, even at my age, there are other people who cry watching movies. I just finished watching "Young Patton" and I cried, I cried to the very end.

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The arts effect us all differently! I love it when I cry at movies, or the person I am with cries. I discovered that my current husband is really an emotional person overall, even though he is very left brained. He never did much with the arts and when in our early dating years, we went to a movie, and I heard him sniffling! I saw he was crying. I was not effected in the same way, but it gave me insighjt into his emotions and brain! I started to take him with me and helped him enjoy his time staring at a a painting in a gallery, listening to music, etc. that provoked emotion for him. It reminded me of our differences, but also his empathy. As humans we really share so much, but frequently ignore it, or don't talk about it. The Arts, like moves, help us with those unsaid emotions! During Covid I have missed going to movies in a theater. Watching/listening to the movie and feeling the wonder of shared emotions, laughter, silent, gasps, tears make movies a wonderful experience if we "let it". If you have hearing issues, 99% of theaters now have closed caption devices for you to use. Keep enjoying those movies, at home, on your PC, etc. Thanks for sharing!

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Mentor
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Jul 23, 2021

Ever since my wife passed away I cry far more often. Plus now I can't watch a Disney movie without crying! Our grandsons thought I was weird for a bit, but now just laugh and say 'I wonder when Gramps will start to cry in this one?'

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lizzier | @lizzier | Jul 23, 2021

yeah we cry over movies too. sorry you mis her so much, but nice that you have good memories.

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Moderator
Amanda, Connect Moderator | @amandajro | Jul 23, 2021
In reply to @bodega "Gads, the replies are entirely excellent! I am grateful I am able to read them. I..." + (show)
@bodega

Gads, the replies are entirely excellent! I am grateful I am able to read them.

I have secondary progressive MS, RA and adrenal insufficiency, all being "treated" currently. I,too, am able to totter around and mostly do a good job on the "house work"…but I am not as strong or fast as I was even a year ago so it seems I am very slow, an entirely correct assumption.

Being a reader I reread books and articles and relook at art work, relisten to music of Europe and the Americas and lots of Buddhist music. Many times I wish I could speak the languages of the Asian countries as I listen to the meaning of their songs and cannot appreciate the subtilities. I was not raised in the USA even though my parents are Caucasians and were born and raised in northern CA.; I do read and write English and was never encouraged to learn Mandarin or Tagalog. I can and do spend time thinking of the feelings the music I don't understand directs me toward. I do not mind if my "room mate" cannot share any of this. Each of us in the end cannot go with anyone to our final destination…they can only share part of the ride. I appreciate that very much.

I think after years of this sort living and thinking there is no one who can share our experience except to share it tangentially. That's o.k. as we can still share movies, our thoughts and things we see.

I hope this look into another person's life with incurable, painful and unrelenting disease is helpful. We must never think our life was or is unappreciated or a failre. It was not and is not.

Nemaste, Bodega

We do truly live in a gorgeous world especially at dawn and sundown. Our family is precious even if they live a thousand plus miles away. . We live and that is precious beyond belief. I pray I die in my sleep.

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Hello @bodega. I'd like to extend a warm welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect and also thank you for joining this discussion to share your experience and perspective. Members like @lizzier and @deek15redpeppers are coming at this from the caregiver perspective, however, it is great to also get the other side of this journey.

Has your caregiver struggled with depression like others in this discussion?

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