Complicated Grief

Over the last 4 years I have lost my immediate family and parents to death. During those years my husband and I had moved close to my childhood home. This was so I could help with my mother who had full on Alzheimers disease.
One night, while I was staying overnight to give the part time caregiver a night off, there was a terrible storm. A major flood happened in my own neighborhood and destroyed the home my husband and I had recently bought. We had not lived there long and so all the heirloom paintings from my great grandparents home were sitting in boxes in the floor. They were destroyed. Basically everything was ruined due to the water level being so high. It was devastating! What came after was even more so. My husband and I spent the next few days cleaning and trying to see what was salvageable. It broke my heart!
I didn’t have time to grieve over that as I was now facing something else. My mother fell during the night and was from then on wheelchair bound. This fall traumatized her and her mental state worsened. I obtained a hospital bed with rails after this happened.
I also moved into her room with a twin bed so I could be next to her. Before that I slept on the couch outside her room.
Not long after the flood my husband left. He did leave a note explaining that he couldn’t deal with all we were dealing with regarding my parents health and then the flood. I don’t know where he went. He blocked my phone. Tried talking to his friends but though they attempted to explain to me why he left I will never understand it. After all the time we spent together I never dreamed this would happen. I wasn’t able to grieve this either. My whole life revolved around taking care of my family. My 93 year old Aunt lived next door to Mom n Dad. She was legally blind and needed help too. I hired help for her which had its challenges too.
My Aunt died first. Then 6 months later my Dad passed away suddenly. 3 months later Mom died. My younger sister and brother had died from an accident a couple of years before I moved back home. Because my parents were both the youngest in their families their siblings were all gone.
I was responsible for having all of my family buried. I didn’t grieve much at first. It seemed there was always more to be done.
However, suddenly it was so quiet. Once I started the task of cleaning out a 2 generation farmhouse packed with everyone’s things I felt the grief welling up inside me. Yet even then I wouldn’t let it just come. I was afraid it would kill me if I gave into it.
Its now 2025. I sold the house. Found a house near my adult children several hours away. Moved there and tried to unpack. I’ve always been good at putting things in perspective. However, since I’ve been here I have become this weird person who doesn’t want to leave my house. I seem to push away any semblance of friendship. Don’t answer all my calls or texts. I eat and I sleep way more than normal. Oh! and I cry over the smallest thing. I’ve become a shell of who I once was. My kids are busy with their families. Grandkids are in their teens so I don’t get to see them much anymore. The doctor upped my antidepressant. All that does is make me feel numb. I’m not thinking about suicide because I have seen firsthand what happens to those who are left behind. I won’t do that to my children.
I’m left with this life that feels like a giant void. I know all the things I’m supposed to do. I just don’t seem to care. 😔