Borrowing from anger management

I applied letting go of control while my wife went through the motions of cleaning last night and this morning. What helped was to accept the fact that reason no longer works and she really can't help going through the motions of what she did for 40 years. That and the fact that I can always find or clean a cup or glass or plate or fork, and I can always find a full set of clean clothes and a towel. Letting go of control really felt good and not harping on her to stop making a mess made her day a lot more pleasant. So she makes messes, big deal. It isn't worth the effort or emotional trauma to keep it from happening so just letting go is working for our new dynamic normal. With my household responsibilities doubling the pile of stuff to do is so high just adding more to the top isn't making a difference. We were both a lot happier today and that is the goal, maximize our happiness and minimize our sadness while we both adjust to each other through this surrealistic experience.

Bill, sounds like a transformational day for both of you with many to follow. This learning to be a caregiver is a big challenge.

I feel better already. Thanks

I can so relate. I could have written that post. Thanks for the reminder. Much as I dislike the "Let it go" song from "Frozen", it has become my anthem throughout the last nearly 4 years since my husband's LBD diagnosis. Stoicism? I like that. You're right, we do learn from adversity.

So, thank you for your message.

I too have been using "Let it Go" for a year or so - and it does help me.

Reading Marcus Aurelius Meditations quotes helps keep negative emotions in check for me. Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself or wallowing in self pity I can read a passage or two and have an attitude reset from something that has been written by someone who fully understood the human condition.

Super-post from three days ago, Bill! Many thanks.

/LarryG

I agree, Larry.

@justbill123, how are you doing today?

Great Colleen, thank you for asking. Still a work in process but maintaining a positive attitude. I had a rough Saturday but didn't fight it. I allowed myself to feel sad and depressed because I knew after a meal and a good nights sleep I would experience what I call the pendulum effect. That is as sad and depressed as I felt, seemingly out of now where I get these feelings of extreme euphoria and happiness. I think it is how my brain is seeking balance. I meditate, exercise, do breathing exercises, read philosophy, pretty much anything I can do to release feel good chemicals in my head. When I am having a rough time with my wife my brain has these feel good items to look forward to. So I may feel sad and depressed but I have these disciplines that I do that even when I am not doing them the anticipation gives me a little feel good bump. Anyway that is how I am keeping my sanity through this experience.

I read these posts and feel for everyone- everyone, but also get it about the anger, frustration, sadness. My husband and I are married 50 years in December. He has been diagnosed with MCI but every day I wonder if something else is going on or is this it and going to get worse? Who is he now? Who am I?
One of my healing supports said, it’s like when you had your first child and brought her home and everyday learned to care for your child - now every day I am meeting someone new and different, except I knew him so well. We shared life together. We shared conversations, ideas, and responsibilities. Now it feels one sided at times. The conversations are difficult, processing of thoughts and ideas are muffled, and slow but sure I will be taking care of most things. Unlike a new baby who will grow and learn and thrive, this is a grown adult moving back to helplessness.
He is so sweet and then belligerent. Does no good to make sense of an argument. Just take a deep breath, “let it go” and move into the day.
I could write so much more but I think you all get it. Thank you for posting your most vulnerable self.