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Parus
@parus

Posts: 1970
Joined: Jul 14, 2017

Being Old With Chronic Pain plus Loneliness

Posted by @parus, Jul 17, 2017

Anyone else in the same boat?

REPLY

@nanaof4

Yes, today seems to be especially a tough one. Feeling poorly, buy also sad. Hope your days have gottren brighter. Hope pain has left you.

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Hello, @nanaof4, and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Love your username!

Another group within Connect you may want to check out is the Chronic Pain group, here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/pain/.

I’m sorry to hear that yesterday was tough. Can you tell us more about what made it a hard day?

@IndianaScott

Hello @parus Nice to e-meet you here. I am Scott and I found your post interesting.

I do have chronic pain (knees, carpel tunnel, and lower back), I do fight loneliness as I just lost my wife to brain cancer, but refuse to call myself ‘old’ yet! 🙂

I believe chronic conditions can be the cause of many feelings of loneliness as well as isolating, which can also cause feelings of loneliness.

I fight my loneliness through reading as it also can take my mind off my pain. It also gives me topics I can then learn more about, e-chat with people about, etc.

I also spend some time writing, but that is more of a solitary pursuit for me, but I can really lose myself in it.

I also try and spend some time each day attempting to reconnect with someone from my earlier days. I’ve had mixed results with this, but when it works, it’s been gratifying for both parties.

What have you tried?

Peace & Strength

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@parus, absolutely beautiful…

@nanaof4

Yes, today seems to be especially a tough one. Feeling poorly, buy also sad. Hope your days have gottren brighter. Hope pain has left you.

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Hi, @nanaof4–it’s been a little bit since we’ve heard from you, so wanted to check in and see how you are doing?

@IndianaScott

Hello @parus Nice to e-meet you here. I am Scott and I found your post interesting.

I do have chronic pain (knees, carpel tunnel, and lower back), I do fight loneliness as I just lost my wife to brain cancer, but refuse to call myself ‘old’ yet! 🙂

I believe chronic conditions can be the cause of many feelings of loneliness as well as isolating, which can also cause feelings of loneliness.

I fight my loneliness through reading as it also can take my mind off my pain. It also gives me topics I can then learn more about, e-chat with people about, etc.

I also spend some time writing, but that is more of a solitary pursuit for me, but I can really lose myself in it.

I also try and spend some time each day attempting to reconnect with someone from my earlier days. I’ve had mixed results with this, but when it works, it’s been gratifying for both parties.

What have you tried?

Peace & Strength

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Great! I’m in the same situation but I keep busy with my dog or reading and many other things. Keep occupied the pain is there and won’t go away. I have lower back pain and RA.

@catgic

@parus – As my old friend Columbo used to say…”er-r-r…just one more thing.”

I see that you came aboard Mayo Connect on Bastille Day 2017. Coincidence or not, maybe it is time for you to consider “Throwing Open Your Personal Prison Gates” un peu. Your Mayo Connect Profile is blank. What is up with that? You can, without loosing your anonymity, tell folks something about yourself in 25-words more or less…

Hope to see you on the flip side.

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@parus My 3 – So am I.

The loneliness has become all-consuming. So much love to give and still so alone.

Ghost Horse

@parus

The loneliness has become all-consuming. So much love to give and still so alone.

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Parus, I can totally relate to your feelings. I never thought children growing up and leaving home would be so hard, especially if you’re not feeling well. Having family at a distance makes illness even worse. I hope this group can help you feel more connected with people, especially if they’re in the same situation. Pain and illness can be very isolating.

@jenapower Thank you for your kind words. My adult children are nearby…I know everyone is busy. Thankfully, I am still ambulatory and can still drive. Chronic pain is isolating…I have my watercolor brushes to keep my hands and mind involved. The title of the posted painting is, “Ghost Horse”. Will be saying farewell to my lovely flowers soon. Cold weather does cause pain to be worse. Loneliness is what it is…my children owe me nothing.

@parus

@jenapower Thank you for your kind words. My adult children are nearby…I know everyone is busy. Thankfully, I am still ambulatory and can still drive. Chronic pain is isolating…I have my watercolor brushes to keep my hands and mind involved. The title of the posted painting is, “Ghost Horse”. Will be saying farewell to my lovely flowers soon. Cold weather does cause pain to be worse. Loneliness is what it is…my children owe me nothing.

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Well, floating along in the same boat has become easier recently what with almost constant rain, storms and hurricanes. : ) I liked your post about being in the same boat. I also like Ghost Horse – it must be gratifying to be able to water paint and enjoy enough talent to produce beautiful paintings. How long have you been painting? I used to sing and play guitar, even professionally into my 30s. It was fun. I also remember playing at home for hours, losing myself in the music. At some point, the songs seemed to be sadder and playing became more difficult. Wish I had the enthusiasm to pick it back up — after so many years, I’m rusty of course, and even I am amazed to find I’ve turned into … well, I’ll leave it at that. LOL

I hope the cold weather holds off long enough for you to enjoy the company of your flowers for quite a bit longer and avoid the worsening pain of the cold. My body no longer handles the cold very well – it’s startling how much difference it makes. It’s good to see you on here again.

@parus

The loneliness has become all-consuming. So much love to give and still so alone.

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@patshaw

What a beautiful picture!

Teresa

@paracat

I saw your title and question, and, yes, I am in the same boat. The ageing I was starting to get used to … it’s just another cycle in life, blah, blah, blah. Actually, it’s rather freeing. However, the chronic pain and loneliness have sunk me into what seems like a never-ending depression. Seems to be a vicious cycle. I seem to have withdrawn from friends because of the pain and depression. I used to be a ‘glass is half full,’ optimistic person. I don’t know where she went, but she’s gone. Wish I had some wisdom to pass along, but pretty much all I can say is you’re not alone and I hope you find something which enthuses you, as well as relief from your pain.

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I am an 81 year old widow in pain 24/7. Thanks to my children I have a roof over my head. I didn’t plan it this way but it is what I have to work with. After a cervical and hip replacement and broken elbow I have a lot of metal. I can walk and drive. I can read and I can write. I have faith that there is a purpose and reason I’m alive. Every morning I thank God for a new day. I am blessed. Consider what you have and find joy in it. God bless.

@paracat

I saw your title and question, and, yes, I am in the same boat. The ageing I was starting to get used to … it’s just another cycle in life, blah, blah, blah. Actually, it’s rather freeing. However, the chronic pain and loneliness have sunk me into what seems like a never-ending depression. Seems to be a vicious cycle. I seem to have withdrawn from friends because of the pain and depression. I used to be a ‘glass is half full,’ optimistic person. I don’t know where she went, but she’s gone. Wish I had some wisdom to pass along, but pretty much all I can say is you’re not alone and I hope you find something which enthuses you, as well as relief from your pain.

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Hello @jo54

Thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds as if you have found gratitude to be a way of dealing with difficulties, that is great!

It is amazing how gratitude for what you have makes everything else more bearable.

Teresa

@paracat

I saw your title and question, and, yes, I am in the same boat. The ageing I was starting to get used to … it’s just another cycle in life, blah, blah, blah. Actually, it’s rather freeing. However, the chronic pain and loneliness have sunk me into what seems like a never-ending depression. Seems to be a vicious cycle. I seem to have withdrawn from friends because of the pain and depression. I used to be a ‘glass is half full,’ optimistic person. I don’t know where she went, but she’s gone. Wish I had some wisdom to pass along, but pretty much all I can say is you’re not alone and I hope you find something which enthuses you, as well as relief from your pain.

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Beautifully said. Thank you I’m in the same situation

@paracat

I saw your title and question, and, yes, I am in the same boat. The ageing I was starting to get used to … it’s just another cycle in life, blah, blah, blah. Actually, it’s rather freeing. However, the chronic pain and loneliness have sunk me into what seems like a never-ending depression. Seems to be a vicious cycle. I seem to have withdrawn from friends because of the pain and depression. I used to be a ‘glass is half full,’ optimistic person. I don’t know where she went, but she’s gone. Wish I had some wisdom to pass along, but pretty much all I can say is you’re not alone and I hope you find something which enthuses you, as well as relief from your pain.

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@jo54

I agree with your points. Thankfulness, appreciation, having a purpose are very desirable qualities.

That said, I know from experience (that is still happening today), that depression can cause us to lose sight of those things. They’re the very signs of depression and anxiety, and other mental illness.

Being a lifelong Christian and a minister all of my adult life, I’ve heard, learned and taught the Christian principles that are invaluable to living a balanced life. But over the past 12-15 years, living with deep depression, PTSD, anxiety, and suicidal ideation and a few other things, has made all of the things that have guided me for so long seem like so much hot air some of the time. I know them to be true mentally, but believing tends to be a fatality of depression.

During this time of my life, the encouragement others give means a lot to me. Therapists, my wife, pastors and others have cared enough about me to stick with me, not usually giving me advice, but some kind of support.

I believe that the day will come when depression will let up, and my thinking will return to rationality, so to that extent I have hope, which is surely a ways from where I was not too long ago.

Chronic pain for many of us exacerbates depression. They seem to feed on each other. At the very least, it’s discouraging.

I’m 67, married for 45 years to my wife who’s the same age and is going through her own chronic pain, so we understand how the other feels. She doesn’t understand depression, so she gets irritated with me. I get plenty irritated, too.

I suspect I’m not the only one who responds to pain this way. But I know that others handle it differently, even when depression et al are in the mix. Any other coping skills that have worked?

Jim

@paracat

I saw your title and question, and, yes, I am in the same boat. The ageing I was starting to get used to … it’s just another cycle in life, blah, blah, blah. Actually, it’s rather freeing. However, the chronic pain and loneliness have sunk me into what seems like a never-ending depression. Seems to be a vicious cycle. I seem to have withdrawn from friends because of the pain and depression. I used to be a ‘glass is half full,’ optimistic person. I don’t know where she went, but she’s gone. Wish I had some wisdom to pass along, but pretty much all I can say is you’re not alone and I hope you find something which enthuses you, as well as relief from your pain.

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Jim. I do understand. My husband of 58 years had very deep depression. He also was a minister who felt he had no purpose. I also understand your wife as I felt he needed to get up and move. Now I have constant pain and it’s difficult to move. I carry guilt at times as I was not always sympathetic. I have bouts of depression as I have always been active. I now try to help others. Before I moved I visited asst. living home. I was the healthiest even though I was in pain. It’s a blessing. Even if it’s just a kind word. Don’t be so hard on your self. Relax and it will happen. You may not be close to God and that’s okay but He’s close to you. Your friend Jo

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