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Parus
@parus

Posts: 1976
Joined: Jul 14, 2017

Being Old With Chronic Pain plus Loneliness

Posted by @parus, Jul 17, 2017

Anyone else in the same boat?

REPLY

@IndianaScott

Hello @parus Nice to e-meet you here. I am Scott and I found your post interesting.

I do have chronic pain (knees, carpel tunnel, and lower back), I do fight loneliness as I just lost my wife to brain cancer, but refuse to call myself ‘old’ yet! 🙂

I believe chronic conditions can be the cause of many feelings of loneliness as well as isolating, which can also cause feelings of loneliness.

I fight my loneliness through reading as it also can take my mind off my pain. It also gives me topics I can then learn more about, e-chat with people about, etc.

I also spend some time writing, but that is more of a solitary pursuit for me, but I can really lose myself in it.

I also try and spend some time each day attempting to reconnect with someone from my earlier days. I’ve had mixed results with this, but when it works, it’s been gratifying for both parties.

What have you tried?

Peace & Strength

Jump to this post

I am repeating a response I did further down
It was really meant as a response to your situation. I try to do things with friends unfortunately most of them are not close.and work. My wife also works full.time and Meditation and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy have helped me. I too feel lonely,disengaged and frustrated due to chronic pain. I have been trying to get back to work and it is difficult at 65 with 3 years missing due to achalesia and chronic pain. I am going to see if I can do part time work. Had to reschedule my interview Monday. Too sick and only 4 hours sleep
It is viscous cucle
My ideal would be something from home but can’t find anything.Try something to keep you moving- walk or yoga….
Trying to hold out hope I can make it back to project management in construction and development.

@paracat

I saw your title and question, and, yes, I am in the same boat. The ageing I was starting to get used to … it’s just another cycle in life, blah, blah, blah. Actually, it’s rather freeing. However, the chronic pain and loneliness have sunk me into what seems like a never-ending depression. Seems to be a vicious cycle. I seem to have withdrawn from friends because of the pain and depression. I used to be a ‘glass is half full,’ optimistic person. I don’t know where she went, but she’s gone. Wish I had some wisdom to pass along, but pretty much all I can say is you’re not alone and I hope you find something which enthuses you, as well as relief from your pain.

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Wonderful words of wisdom

To whomever-there is nothing more debilitating that being nothing more than a burden on society. I see myself as a useless piece of crap. Had an appointment w/ PCP this morning-a total disaster and it was not even my fault. Computers/keyboards failing. All of the noise sent me into PTSD. Final outcome-BP through the roof and being prescribed a BP med. Thank you technology for what you have done to my psyche. If I were a horse I would have been shot long ago. Yes, I am in a horrid place!!! Have to take another inappropriate med or be w/o a PCP. No need trying to explain or I will be locked up in a loony bin and forced to take poison.
So sorry. I am so discouraged and feeling so all alone. Oh please God, I can take no more of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liked by paracat, lillyanne

@parus I’m praying for you right now.

Parus, I feel so badly for you and wish I could help in some way, other than sending prayer and healing and loving “vibes.” Just being in such pain can cause high BP. I hope the side effects of the new med are minimal. I’ve been fighting my doctors about the same thing – tried taking the BP med, but it made me lightheaded and dizzy so I stopped. I will try another that a friend takes which doesn’t have the side effects. I don’t understand why the doctors can’t find something to lessen your pain. No one should have to live with that. Do you see a pain management doctor? Mine has helped my pain, although I can no longer do any of the things I used to. Being unproductive is depressing, but I try to remember all of the things I was able to do until 8 years ago. I hope you stop feeling like a burden to society, and useless. I’m sure you have accomplished a lot in your life. This is just a period in your life. I wish I could find the words. You are talented and your artwork is beautiful. My pain doctor has prescribed the dreaded opiods, but I know when I take one, the pain will lessen. I take them as prescribed, no more. I hope you see a pain doctor as well since it sounds as though you need relief from your pain. I don’t know your situation, but hope that you feel better mentally and physically soon. Sending you hope “vibes” as well. Hugs.

@parus

The pain is so severe today. Can only do the best I can to ride it out. Doctor in the morning. Dubious as to any answers. Very discouraged and so alone in all of this struggle. Sorry for others adrift on the chronic pain boat. Has to be some kind of answer-surely there must be. Crying surely does not help.

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I love your description of a perfect world. Were that it was. Especially immediate access to appropriate care. Sounds like I’m not the only one who has such a hard time with doctors and insurance! All of the providers who were able to help me have retired. Finding new ones, who I like and am comfortable with, has proved to be just about impossible. The new primary physician had me in tears during our first visit. No smiles, inaccurate information, etc.

I’m sorry – went off on a tangent. What I wanted to address was hope and a reason to keep going. Hope just seems to glimmer from self-talk, prayer, and learning as much as I can. It comes and goes, tho. I have depression, I think everyone with chronic pain does. Between the pain and inability to be productive, it’s hard to maintain happiness. I think the answer is people. I try to stay in touch with old friends, make new ones, even though not often in person. Even this website helps. People are a reason to keep going, as are pets. I lost my Toby dog at 16 last Christmas and miss him terribly. He cheered me up and I would like to adopt another but can no longer afford it. Medicare has just kicked in and reduced my SS. I am grateful for what I have, but circumstances beyond my control, including my health, have altered my finances drastically.

So, more tangents, I’m sorry. I hope you have more responses from others cheerier than I. I try to avoid negativity (negative people, the news), help people when I can, read a lot, try to get out in nature. Thank all of you who remain hopeful and carry on.

Liked by lillyanne

@parus

To whomever-there is nothing more debilitating that being nothing more than a burden on society. I see myself as a useless piece of crap. Had an appointment w/ PCP this morning-a total disaster and it was not even my fault. Computers/keyboards failing. All of the noise sent me into PTSD. Final outcome-BP through the roof and being prescribed a BP med. Thank you technology for what you have done to my psyche. If I were a horse I would have been shot long ago. Yes, I am in a horrid place!!! Have to take another inappropriate med or be w/o a PCP. No need trying to explain or I will be locked up in a loony bin and forced to take poison.
So sorry. I am so discouraged and feeling so all alone. Oh please God, I can take no more of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jump to this post

Hello @parus

I’m so sorry that your appointment with the PCP went so badly today – you certainly did not need that! Please be assured that you do have value. You can see beauty in the world around you and you can verbalize your pain in a most descriptive way. I know how discouraging a difficult appointment can be, but remember that this was just one appointment and you are stressed right now. Give yourself some time to rest, recoup and look for the good in the days to come.

We appreciate and value your input – no matter how you are feeling.

Teresa

@IndianaScott

Hello @parus Nice to e-meet you here. I am Scott and I found your post interesting.

I do have chronic pain (knees, carpel tunnel, and lower back), I do fight loneliness as I just lost my wife to brain cancer, but refuse to call myself ‘old’ yet! 🙂

I believe chronic conditions can be the cause of many feelings of loneliness as well as isolating, which can also cause feelings of loneliness.

I fight my loneliness through reading as it also can take my mind off my pain. It also gives me topics I can then learn more about, e-chat with people about, etc.

I also spend some time writing, but that is more of a solitary pursuit for me, but I can really lose myself in it.

I also try and spend some time each day attempting to reconnect with someone from my earlier days. I’ve had mixed results with this, but when it works, it’s been gratifying for both parties.

What have you tried?

Peace & Strength

Jump to this post

@ed32 – I surely hope something turns up for you. I suppose it’s a hard time of year to find a job in construction. When I was painting, most of my work was seasonal, but it helped supplement my income as a pastor of a small rural church.

Do you have any deadline for when you need to start work? Have you noticed any hesitation by employers because of your age? Keep forging ahead with your goals.

Jim

@parus

The pain is so severe today. Can only do the best I can to ride it out. Doctor in the morning. Dubious as to any answers. Very discouraged and so alone in all of this struggle. Sorry for others adrift on the chronic pain boat. Has to be some kind of answer-surely there must be. Crying surely does not help.

Jump to this post

Hi, @paracat – Have you found a good pcp Yet? I hope you have been able to find a decent one who has some sort of semblance of human compassion. Have you looked him or her up on a website such as Vitals? You’d be doing a service to others looking for a doctor they can trust if you would post a comment about how you were mistreated. I have been helped in finding a doctor by doing the research online. Vitals, GoogleScholar, Lifescripts are 3 I know. I think if more of us spoke up we could help prevent others from being hurt.

Jim

Liked by lillyanne

@parus – before you start taking the BP med, you should have your BP rechecked. There are many places that offer that as a free service, especially to us seniors. Do you know what could happen if you took the medicine when you didn’t need it? I know that once in awhile, my BP reads high for some reason, but it’s normally close to 120/60. How is your BP when you’re not in the middle of a PTSD crisis? If the pcp you saw this morning won’t cooperate, fire him. And complain. If I complain, I do it in writing and send it to other people associated with the bad guy. I’ve learned that it pays to squeak loudly. The squeaky wheel thing, you know.

Do you have other options for a human pcp? I join the group in praying for you. Don’t forget that God didn’t create us with brains and common sense and intuition for no reason.

My policy is always to be polite and gracious to people, especially sensitive people. Then, if that doesn’t produce results, get nosy, let them see that you are an intelligent, well read person, and then get aggressive. Stand Up for yourself! You’re worthy of respect.

But first, spread a lot of honey around.

I need to heed this advice, myself. Remind me of that.

Love and prayers.

Jim

@jimhd

@parus – before you start taking the BP med, you should have your BP rechecked. There are many places that offer that as a free service, especially to us seniors. Do you know what could happen if you took the medicine when you didn’t need it? I know that once in awhile, my BP reads high for some reason, but it’s normally close to 120/60. How is your BP when you’re not in the middle of a PTSD crisis? If the pcp you saw this morning won’t cooperate, fire him. And complain. If I complain, I do it in writing and send it to other people associated with the bad guy. I’ve learned that it pays to squeak loudly. The squeaky wheel thing, you know.

Do you have other options for a human pcp? I join the group in praying for you. Don’t forget that God didn’t create us with brains and common sense and intuition for no reason.

My policy is always to be polite and gracious to people, especially sensitive people. Then, if that doesn’t produce results, get nosy, let them see that you are an intelligent, well read person, and then get aggressive. Stand Up for yourself! You’re worthy of respect.

But first, spread a lot of honey around.

I need to heed this advice, myself. Remind me of that.

Love and prayers.

Jim

Jump to this post

Hi Jim @jimhd

What great guidelines! Thanks for posting them,

Teresa

@paracat

Parus, I feel so badly for you and wish I could help in some way, other than sending prayer and healing and loving “vibes.” Just being in such pain can cause high BP. I hope the side effects of the new med are minimal. I’ve been fighting my doctors about the same thing – tried taking the BP med, but it made me lightheaded and dizzy so I stopped. I will try another that a friend takes which doesn’t have the side effects. I don’t understand why the doctors can’t find something to lessen your pain. No one should have to live with that. Do you see a pain management doctor? Mine has helped my pain, although I can no longer do any of the things I used to. Being unproductive is depressing, but I try to remember all of the things I was able to do until 8 years ago. I hope you stop feeling like a burden to society, and useless. I’m sure you have accomplished a lot in your life. This is just a period in your life. I wish I could find the words. You are talented and your artwork is beautiful. My pain doctor has prescribed the dreaded opiods, but I know when I take one, the pain will lessen. I take them as prescribed, no more. I hope you see a pain doctor as well since it sounds as though you need relief from your pain. I don’t know your situation, but hope that you feel better mentally and physically soon. Sending you hope “vibes” as well. Hugs.

Jump to this post

@paracat Doctors typically are trained to prescribe and there is a pill for everything. It is not their fault that they been brainwashed into thinking that medication is the answer to everything. Yes, I see a pain doctor and he is not into, “power with pills”.
Also thank you for the kudos and also encouragement. Much appreciated. Vibrant, positive vibes in return. Nice read to start my morning.

@jimhd

@parus – before you start taking the BP med, you should have your BP rechecked. There are many places that offer that as a free service, especially to us seniors. Do you know what could happen if you took the medicine when you didn’t need it? I know that once in awhile, my BP reads high for some reason, but it’s normally close to 120/60. How is your BP when you’re not in the middle of a PTSD crisis? If the pcp you saw this morning won’t cooperate, fire him. And complain. If I complain, I do it in writing and send it to other people associated with the bad guy. I’ve learned that it pays to squeak loudly. The squeaky wheel thing, you know.

Do you have other options for a human pcp? I join the group in praying for you. Don’t forget that God didn’t create us with brains and common sense and intuition for no reason.

My policy is always to be polite and gracious to people, especially sensitive people. Then, if that doesn’t produce results, get nosy, let them see that you are an intelligent, well read person, and then get aggressive. Stand Up for yourself! You’re worthy of respect.

But first, spread a lot of honey around.

I need to heed this advice, myself. Remind me of that.

Love and prayers.

Jim

Jump to this post

The new PCP is replacing the one I was seeing prior and still unfamiliar w/ all of my foibles. My bp is always high when I go to the doc. Low dose so will be compliant within reason. Mostly I am too polite and avoid conflict of any type. My PTSD had started to kick in due to several things in the concrete maze that morning. Computers were not cooperating, some employees were late to work…not a positive experience. I started out at 120/80 and when they took it again it was 190/210…stress from all of the noise, etc. Mayhap next visit they will have their little duckies in a row.

@jimhd

@parus – before you start taking the BP med, you should have your BP rechecked. There are many places that offer that as a free service, especially to us seniors. Do you know what could happen if you took the medicine when you didn’t need it? I know that once in awhile, my BP reads high for some reason, but it’s normally close to 120/60. How is your BP when you’re not in the middle of a PTSD crisis? If the pcp you saw this morning won’t cooperate, fire him. And complain. If I complain, I do it in writing and send it to other people associated with the bad guy. I’ve learned that it pays to squeak loudly. The squeaky wheel thing, you know.

Do you have other options for a human pcp? I join the group in praying for you. Don’t forget that God didn’t create us with brains and common sense and intuition for no reason.

My policy is always to be polite and gracious to people, especially sensitive people. Then, if that doesn’t produce results, get nosy, let them see that you are an intelligent, well read person, and then get aggressive. Stand Up for yourself! You’re worthy of respect.

But first, spread a lot of honey around.

I need to heed this advice, myself. Remind me of that.

Love and prayers.

Jim

Jump to this post

@parus

Yes, I hope they have their “duckies in a row” the next time you visit as well! You are quite insightful to realize how these things trigger your PTSD. Mayhem is not good for any of us who have lived with trauma, is it? I hope the BP med works well for you – the med I take (for a heart valve issue) helps the vessels to enlarge and dilate – I feel better after taking it. I hope you have similar help from your med.

If you don’t mind sharing – what is the name of your med?

Teresa

HydroCHLOROthiazide 12.5 mg. Started me on a low dose which suggests they must have checked w/ records prior to change in PCP. Chaos is not healthy for any one of us-especially at a medical health facility. Never has been like I experienced at recent appointments. Even was seen a different doctor because other one was w/ someone else…too weird!!!! Back on Thursday again. Currently not enthused. The standard med. A previous episode in 2014 w/ a different health group resulted in the PCP there prescribing an incorrect dosage of of a med which I took for 9 days before going to the ER as I had no idea of the doc’s mistake…I was in renal failure. I asked for the hospital social worker while in the hospital and left that doctor and never looked back!!!! Different health network so no action was taken. Ankles have been swollen since then altho blood work comes back okay for kidney’s. Doctor error is a far too frequent. She made several.

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