As a caregiver, what helps you the most?

@katrina123
Could you set up friends, volunteers, to come in one hour at a time to keep him company? Sometimes people who can’t or won’t commit to more than that will commit to one hour and if you could get three consecutive hours to allow you to leave so you can’t feel free for a short time perhaps that will help.

You would be surprised at how many people might do this for you if they knew it was just one hour each week.

@maritah49 you were carrying a heavy burden. I am doing the same, but fortunate that my husband is even tempered. I actually just moved to a retirement community because the only responsibility I could get rid of is Maintaining the house.

But I am still imprisoned by the need to care for him and not leave him alone. Sometime friends asked to help And I didn’t know what to ask for. But I am going to try the following. I’m going to find one day a week and has a form where friends who have asked to help can pick an hour That they might be willing to stay alone with him. Maybe that will give me even half a day to shop or go to the doctor – – or anything that would get me out of the house and breathing for a short while

My husband is NOT even tempered. We are earlier in care giving journey but I wonder what will be the boundary that is crossed requiring outside care and even residency for him. Can anyone relate?

@rythymblue Welcome to the forum! I also have a not so even tempered spouse. She also is OCD. When I was her caregiver (She is in remission now.), it was very hard not to lose my temper. I was taking care of a very independent person who wanted to be in total control. She never reached the point of needing residency. She swallowed her pride to a degree, and I learned to be composed to the best of my ability. If she had been worse health and without control of her temper, then I would have considered residency. I think it all depends on each person's limits. Decisions like this are not easy and not black and white. I think I would have gone to the caregiver social work staff for help in making the decision.

Thank you canabanne for your refreshing reminders and gentle words.

@rythymblue

I can. My 81 yr old husband is not even tempered at all. He is exhausted from taking care of me, his 75 yr old wife, that is me.
Care giving for 24/7 is not an easy job.
We hired people for few hours and they demand more money that we cannot afford.So, we are again back to square one. No end in sight.
VJ

I'm so sorry.
Is a group nearby that can provide voluntary care?

@rythymblue
How would you check their background? We were told to be very cautious about, who we let to care give for us elderly.
We have to check their criminal history, immigration status, education, English language skills
etc.
How do we do that, w/o being exploited by cons w fake documents?
Please reply.
VJ

My husband has an aggressive prostate cancer and we spend much time going to doctors at Mayo that he trusts (those in the Washington DC area are more play it by the book conservative). We each have strong group of friends who are very supportive and we rely heavily on them for laughs, support, and help. Can you reach out to friends? They can provide strong emotional support.
This is a very tough voyage and I so feel for you.

@rythymblue I can. I have a man who speaks harshly, Calls me names, complains constantly and does the opposite of what he should or could do. He has LBD and is so cruel. I had a friend come over and stay a couple of hours so I could go to the Dr. He did not speak or acknowlege her..She is friends with both of us. At night he might say just about anything. It usually is something that I won't repeat. I am tired and cannot sleep most nights ..going through this for many years does not always make you feel loved and appreciated.