Approach to bringing in a caregiver for wife

Posted by waltf @waltf, 18 hours ago

My wife is 5 ½ yrs from Alzheimer diagnosis. We are 84 & 85. She’s somewhat functional with hygiene, meal clean up, laundry. But it’s worsening quickly. How approach bringing in a caregiver after vetting a caregiver agency to find candidates? Interview candidates with my wife? Do it by myself (probably with a daughter)? Any ideas about the process appreciated.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

celia16 | @celia16 | 7 hours ago

People respond differently to accepting help. My cousin was in her 60s and was happy to accept someone helping her, however my dad, who is almost 88 is quite resistant and suspicious. He just cannot understand why a stranger is in the house doing various things. He refuses to accept any help from the aid for his personal care. We explain the help is for us caregivers, but it makes no difference. Whichever approach you take, stand firm and insist the help comes in. Full time caregiving for a person with dementia is hard work and not sustainable long term without outside help. Good luck with everything.

maryvc | @maryvc | 5 hours ago

We have a caregiver from an agency. She is here with my husband 2 days a week. He is still functional but needs 24/7 guidance with everything and he doesn’t drive. She makes his meals and drives him to the gym and errands and in between does light housekeeping. I love it and he enjoys her.
We both interviewed her with the agency coordinator. My husband wax in on the decision from the start.
However there are still days where he resents me going out all day. But I let that go and enjoy a few hours of freedom.
I hope the agency will help you identify your needs and interview the person.

Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | 4 hours ago

Good morning, @waltf I know each of our situations is different but my wife was very resistant to my getting help so I "introduced" our first helper as a cleaning helper for me. This worked for us and after a while.

I interviewed every caregiver we used! I found this super important and did this even with folks we got through agencies. The results were still hit.

Good luck!

boppi | @boppi | 4 hours ago

From two views:
My dad was pretty far gone when I interviewed a lady a friend had recommended for help. She was sweet, loved football and just so easy going that it was an easy choice and she and dad would spend hours just hanging together and her quietly caring for his needs when he rested. This wonderful woman continued to care for my mom after dad’s death and mom could’t drive. They went out to lunch, on trips together and were both friends and caregiver/carereceiver. Now that mom is gone, our Audry still calls to check on us…it was a God send relationship and I love this lady!

My daughter hired a caregiver for me from an agency without interviews when I had a heart attack. It was a nightmare and lasted two days because she was cold as ice, uppity about what she would do and was not expected to do, and made me feel a burden in my own home. So letting your wife in on the interviews is most recommended. Remember this is your wife’s territory and she should feel compfortable with her new companion regardless of the reason.