@vickimurray Nothing that will raise my hackles more than someone telling me to "count my blessings". Such a shallow unfeeling thing to say to anyone. Like if we did so the bad things would fade away. Ignorance can be cruel. I tell myself that others mean well and no longer speak of my inside darkness and pain. I no longer have much to do with family from the past. Their lives are good, they are happy and don't understand what I struggle. Lived up to what my mother told me about not amounting to a hill of beans. I truly do not see myself as such. Lots of poor choices in relationships. I ceased being the people pleasing person I had always been and realized mostly I was being used. I finally learned and feel so much better about myself. I can now set boundaries and and even be a bit selfish. I have a grandson of 4 years. He loves to come spend the day as do I.
Hello, @vickimurray - welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. Sounds like you have been through a lot of pain from your upbringing with verbal and emotional abuse from your father. It sounds difficult that your extended family does not seem to get it and expects you to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
Hoping members in this discussion like @liz67 @parus @alamogal635@peach414144@hopeful33250@crissdawn and others will return to offer their thoughts on 1) your experiences with abuse in your childhood and 2) other people telling you to count your blessings and how that may not be sufficient, given the past trauma.
Have you felt that the years and years of therapy were useful in your journey, vickimurray?
No doubt therapy has saved by life. I had some smatterings of therapy as an adult, but the real work began after I returned from Afghanistan. My PTSD doesn't have anything to do with Afghanistan, as a matter of fact, that two years was the best of my life. I was the executive assistant for the director of a DOS program training Afghan police officers. I made amazing friends from all over the world, some of whom I still correspond with. The biggest advantage was getting to work with my son who had retired from the army and was working for a DOD Afghan program eradicating poppy. Getting to see him in his environment was truly (uh oh, I'm going to say it) a blessing. Not many mothers get to serve in a war zone with their child. I was happy, engaged in my work, and I felt wonderful about myself, especially when I went home and my folks treated me like the greatest thing since sliced bread. That was the general rule; if you were doing something out of the ordinary, they loved you; if you were just normal old Vicki or normal old Matthew, they didn't care about you so much. Anyway, when I came home from Afghanistan, I was definitely on the verge of losing it. I was working for a small social services company, and I picked up the phone and called their help line. I met the most extraordinary therapist who specialized in PTSD, and who completely understood the nature of PTSD, civilian or any other kind. Through my therapist I met a psychiatrist who really has his head screwed on right, and knows more about medications of all kinds than any doctor I've ever met. I've been seeing my therapist and psychiatrist for almost ten years. So, in answer to your question about whether or not therapy has done me good, oh, yes. However, it has to be the right psych team, and it has been my experience that that scenario is sometimes very hard to come by. I wish you luck in finding an appropriate team for yourself.
No doubt therapy has saved by life. I had some smatterings of therapy as an adult, but the real work began after I returned from Afghanistan. My PTSD doesn't have anything to do with Afghanistan, as a matter of fact, that two years was the best of my life. I was the executive assistant for the director of a DOS program training Afghan police officers. I made amazing friends from all over the world, some of whom I still correspond with. The biggest advantage was getting to work with my son who had retired from the army and was working for a DOD Afghan program eradicating poppy. Getting to see him in his environment was truly (uh oh, I'm going to say it) a blessing. Not many mothers get to serve in a war zone with their child. I was happy, engaged in my work, and I felt wonderful about myself, especially when I went home and my folks treated me like the greatest thing since sliced bread. That was the general rule; if you were doing something out of the ordinary, they loved you; if you were just normal old Vicki or normal old Matthew, they didn't care about you so much. Anyway, when I came home from Afghanistan, I was definitely on the verge of losing it. I was working for a small social services company, and I picked up the phone and called their help line. I met the most extraordinary therapist who specialized in PTSD, and who completely understood the nature of PTSD, civilian or any other kind. Through my therapist I met a psychiatrist who really has his head screwed on right, and knows more about medications of all kinds than any doctor I've ever met. I've been seeing my therapist and psychiatrist for almost ten years. So, in answer to your question about whether or not therapy has done me good, oh, yes. However, it has to be the right psych team, and it has been my experience that that scenario is sometimes very hard to come by. I wish you luck in finding an appropriate team for yourself.
@vickimurray Thank you for your service in a challenging place, and thank you to your son for his service, too. To serve others in a war zone, whether you are military or civilian, is a challenge all in itself. And, thank you for sharing your story. I have no doubts that your words have helped someone. You're absolutely right, finding the right care team for yourself is critical to recovery from anything.
Ginger
No doubt therapy has saved by life. I had some smatterings of therapy as an adult, but the real work began after I returned from Afghanistan. My PTSD doesn't have anything to do with Afghanistan, as a matter of fact, that two years was the best of my life. I was the executive assistant for the director of a DOS program training Afghan police officers. I made amazing friends from all over the world, some of whom I still correspond with. The biggest advantage was getting to work with my son who had retired from the army and was working for a DOD Afghan program eradicating poppy. Getting to see him in his environment was truly (uh oh, I'm going to say it) a blessing. Not many mothers get to serve in a war zone with their child. I was happy, engaged in my work, and I felt wonderful about myself, especially when I went home and my folks treated me like the greatest thing since sliced bread. That was the general rule; if you were doing something out of the ordinary, they loved you; if you were just normal old Vicki or normal old Matthew, they didn't care about you so much. Anyway, when I came home from Afghanistan, I was definitely on the verge of losing it. I was working for a small social services company, and I picked up the phone and called their help line. I met the most extraordinary therapist who specialized in PTSD, and who completely understood the nature of PTSD, civilian or any other kind. Through my therapist I met a psychiatrist who really has his head screwed on right, and knows more about medications of all kinds than any doctor I've ever met. I've been seeing my therapist and psychiatrist for almost ten years. So, in answer to your question about whether or not therapy has done me good, oh, yes. However, it has to be the right psych team, and it has been my experience that that scenario is sometimes very hard to come by. I wish you luck in finding an appropriate team for yourself.
Hello, Vicki. I also have Complex Trauma/PTSD/Clinical Depression/Insomnia from 18 years of abuse as a child. I am 65 now. When I was 64 I came to Mayo Clinic for a diagnosis thinking I might have Parkinson's Disease. The right side of my body was in almost constant tremors from slight to extreme, my head was bobbing yes, yes, yes. After two years I'd finally gotten into a Neurologist in my area who diagnosed me with essential tremors.
The Neurologists at Mayo did a full workup and four days of tests later, the wonderful, Dr. Ali showed me my test results. She said I have what is called "Conversion Tremors". It is a fascinating diagnosis and it filled me with hope just knowing it was not PD. My Neurologist here at home went over my results with me from Mayo and referred me to a Psychologist who specializes in the area of Complex trauma/PTSD. He agreed to accept my case if I agreed to weekly appointments, with the understanding that this could take years. One year in Vicki, my life has completely changed for the better. I now have a PSychiatric Service Dog who has changed my life. There is hope out there, Vicki. I'm not "cured" but have made significant progress that is noticeable to myself and my husband says it's a huge difference he sees. I have had decades of Psychiatric/Psychological treatments Vicki, finding one who specializes in this area of trauma is going to make all the difference in the world. Sending you healing energy.
I also wanted to add, that when my parents died twenty-two years ago three months apart I knew they were at peace and could no longer hurt anyone or themselves again. I found a deep peace knowing that.
The PTSD has been rearing its vicious head as I am now dealing with bladder cancer and all of the spreading my legs for treatment. I do okay until the fallout afterwards. Lot of time lost and not wanting to continue on with the BCG. Weekly treatments and no time to adequately regroup. The PTSD still can keep me in its grip. Not sure if it's worth it.
The PTSD has been rearing its vicious head as I am now dealing with bladder cancer and all of the spreading my legs for treatment. I do okay until the fallout afterwards. Lot of time lost and not wanting to continue on with the BCG. Weekly treatments and no time to adequately regroup. The PTSD still can keep me in its grip. Not sure if it's worth it.
@parus Can you find something to focus on during/just after treatment? Do self-talk that lets you know you have chosen this treatment to help yourself get better/healthier? Reward yourself, congratulate yourself for having the strength [physically, mentally, emotionally] to go through this. Because you are strong!
Ginger
The PTSD has been rearing its vicious head as I am now dealing with bladder cancer and all of the spreading my legs for treatment. I do okay until the fallout afterwards. Lot of time lost and not wanting to continue on with the BCG. Weekly treatments and no time to adequately regroup. The PTSD still can keep me in its grip. Not sure if it's worth it.
The PTSD has been rearing its vicious head as I am now dealing with bladder cancer and all of the spreading my legs for treatment. I do okay until the fallout afterwards. Lot of time lost and not wanting to continue on with the BCG. Weekly treatments and no time to adequately regroup. The PTSD still can keep me in its grip. Not sure if it's worth it.
@parus- There really is no way to get around the compromising positions women have to endure with certain tests or treatments. I don't envy you this and it's difficult to imagine that such positions are "a blessing." I'm wondering if you are lying down or sitting up during treatments. And the reason that I'm wondering is that is, if you are sitting up you could read, listen to music, anything to help keep you mind on something else, once you are all settled. Having cancer will definitely wake PTSD up and let it play for a while, but after your cancer has been treated you can do all the things that you have done in the past to make it go back in it's closet.
Are you reacting ok with any side effects?
I have had several rounds of ECT, and it isn't possible to read or concentrate on something else. You are put to sleep with a little Propofol, then the electric current is run through your body for a few seconds, which induces a strong seizure. When you wake up, you will feel like someone walked on you. Every muscle in your body will hurt. Whether or not the ordeal is useful is up to each patient to decided. I don't think I got anything of value from the procedure. However, I have had one ketamine infusion, and I'm going for my second next week. It is supposed to help your pain, in my case, my back. I believe it has marginally. It also has therapeutic properties. I went to sleep and felt very relaxed for several days. Think it over. I will be glad to answer questions.
Hi Vicki, I had ECT when I was 18. In those you were not given any sedation. Woke up in my room and had no memory of the procedure. Someone sat with me until little by little my memory came back but not sure how much it did. Having PTSD did I block parts of my childhood, or was it the ECT? I had 35 sessions, s lot, is that amount done today? As far as I know it did nothing for me? I don't remember if I had muscle pain or just pain? I know I need that person to sit with me because I was so confused. I was an in-patient in a beautiful hotel like setting. My parents did their best for me. Curious to the setting you were in before it was done. For me, It was done in the basement sitting on a long bench waiting with others, a nurse would call our name when we were next. We also heard the noise, scary. I haven't thought about that in years.
Connect
Connect
Like
Helpful
Hug
Hello Parus, I have PTSD I think since I was born. I just wanted to stop by say hello.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsNo doubt therapy has saved by life. I had some smatterings of therapy as an adult, but the real work began after I returned from Afghanistan. My PTSD doesn't have anything to do with Afghanistan, as a matter of fact, that two years was the best of my life. I was the executive assistant for the director of a DOS program training Afghan police officers. I made amazing friends from all over the world, some of whom I still correspond with. The biggest advantage was getting to work with my son who had retired from the army and was working for a DOD Afghan program eradicating poppy. Getting to see him in his environment was truly (uh oh, I'm going to say it) a blessing. Not many mothers get to serve in a war zone with their child. I was happy, engaged in my work, and I felt wonderful about myself, especially when I went home and my folks treated me like the greatest thing since sliced bread. That was the general rule; if you were doing something out of the ordinary, they loved you; if you were just normal old Vicki or normal old Matthew, they didn't care about you so much. Anyway, when I came home from Afghanistan, I was definitely on the verge of losing it. I was working for a small social services company, and I picked up the phone and called their help line. I met the most extraordinary therapist who specialized in PTSD, and who completely understood the nature of PTSD, civilian or any other kind. Through my therapist I met a psychiatrist who really has his head screwed on right, and knows more about medications of all kinds than any doctor I've ever met. I've been seeing my therapist and psychiatrist for almost ten years. So, in answer to your question about whether or not therapy has done me good, oh, yes. However, it has to be the right psych team, and it has been my experience that that scenario is sometimes very hard to come by. I wish you luck in finding an appropriate team for yourself.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions@vickimurray Thank you for your service in a challenging place, and thank you to your son for his service, too. To serve others in a war zone, whether you are military or civilian, is a challenge all in itself. And, thank you for sharing your story. I have no doubts that your words have helped someone. You're absolutely right, finding the right care team for yourself is critical to recovery from anything.
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHello, Vicki. I also have Complex Trauma/PTSD/Clinical Depression/Insomnia from 18 years of abuse as a child. I am 65 now. When I was 64 I came to Mayo Clinic for a diagnosis thinking I might have Parkinson's Disease. The right side of my body was in almost constant tremors from slight to extreme, my head was bobbing yes, yes, yes. After two years I'd finally gotten into a Neurologist in my area who diagnosed me with essential tremors.
The Neurologists at Mayo did a full workup and four days of tests later, the wonderful, Dr. Ali showed me my test results. She said I have what is called "Conversion Tremors". It is a fascinating diagnosis and it filled me with hope just knowing it was not PD. My Neurologist here at home went over my results with me from Mayo and referred me to a Psychologist who specializes in the area of Complex trauma/PTSD. He agreed to accept my case if I agreed to weekly appointments, with the understanding that this could take years. One year in Vicki, my life has completely changed for the better. I now have a PSychiatric Service Dog who has changed my life. There is hope out there, Vicki. I'm not "cured" but have made significant progress that is noticeable to myself and my husband says it's a huge difference he sees. I have had decades of Psychiatric/Psychological treatments Vicki, finding one who specializes in this area of trauma is going to make all the difference in the world. Sending you healing energy.
I also wanted to add, that when my parents died twenty-two years ago three months apart I knew they were at peace and could no longer hurt anyone or themselves again. I found a deep peace knowing that.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsThe PTSD has been rearing its vicious head as I am now dealing with bladder cancer and all of the spreading my legs for treatment. I do okay until the fallout afterwards. Lot of time lost and not wanting to continue on with the BCG. Weekly treatments and no time to adequately regroup. The PTSD still can keep me in its grip. Not sure if it's worth it.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions@parus Can you find something to focus on during/just after treatment? Do self-talk that lets you know you have chosen this treatment to help yourself get better/healthier? Reward yourself, congratulate yourself for having the strength [physically, mentally, emotionally] to go through this. Because you are strong!
Ginger
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsThis is a tough one, @parus. The "fallout afterward" as you put it can be difficult. How many treatments are required?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@parus- There really is no way to get around the compromising positions women have to endure with certain tests or treatments. I don't envy you this and it's difficult to imagine that such positions are "a blessing." I'm wondering if you are lying down or sitting up during treatments. And the reason that I'm wondering is that is, if you are sitting up you could read, listen to music, anything to help keep you mind on something else, once you are all settled. Having cancer will definitely wake PTSD up and let it play for a while, but after your cancer has been treated you can do all the things that you have done in the past to make it go back in it's closet.
Are you reacting ok with any side effects?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI have had several rounds of ECT, and it isn't possible to read or concentrate on something else. You are put to sleep with a little Propofol, then the electric current is run through your body for a few seconds, which induces a strong seizure. When you wake up, you will feel like someone walked on you. Every muscle in your body will hurt. Whether or not the ordeal is useful is up to each patient to decided. I don't think I got anything of value from the procedure. However, I have had one ketamine infusion, and I'm going for my second next week. It is supposed to help your pain, in my case, my back. I believe it has marginally. It also has therapeutic properties. I went to sleep and felt very relaxed for several days. Think it over. I will be glad to answer questions.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsHi Vicki, I had ECT when I was 18. In those you were not given any sedation. Woke up in my room and had no memory of the procedure. Someone sat with me until little by little my memory came back but not sure how much it did. Having PTSD did I block parts of my childhood, or was it the ECT? I had 35 sessions, s lot, is that amount done today? As far as I know it did nothing for me? I don't remember if I had muscle pain or just pain? I know I need that person to sit with me because I was so confused. I was an in-patient in a beautiful hotel like setting. My parents did their best for me. Curious to the setting you were in before it was done. For me, It was done in the basement sitting on a long bench waiting with others, a nurse would call our name when we were next. We also heard the noise, scary. I haven't thought about that in years.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction