Any advice for dwelling on going to the bathroom?

Thank you for this info. I thought I was doing a bad job as care giver. He does the same. Went to the Dr he has dry eyes. Keep reminding him to wash his hands to prevent eye infection

We got many different diagnoses for my dad’s eyes….ranging from bacterial conjunctivitis, allergic conjunctivitis, fungal conjunctivitis, and a combination of them….nothing helped that much….drops, ointment, warm compresses……nothing helped that much….the Seroquel relaxed him enough so he could stop the obsessive eye running.

He rubs his head too and is fixated on a spot on his head. We know it’s nothing serious because he’s had a complete body scan and every tests you can imagine. So, we know what his health status is. We didn’t request these tests. The ED ran them after he had a fall. There are no tumors or issues we aren’t aware of, but he was inconsolable….thought a stick was in his eye. Very stressful for everybody.

I think family members do the best they can to care for their loved ones. Many people who have dementia are not happy. No matter what you do, they may be frustrated, scared, confused, agitated or angry. If they are content, it’s a good day. But, if they aren’t, it’s not my fault. I don’t feel guilty over something I have no control over. I feel glad that I’m able to help. I’m not sure how long that will be possible. At some point, it won’t be feasible to continue care in the home. His heart, kidney health and mobility with likely determine this for us.

With many dementias there is neuro psychiatric symptoms whereby there is “repetitive “ behaviours
You need to redirect her when she does this
Tell her to go to bathroom before and after departure and arrival at destination
Then remind her she already went to the bathroom
Good luck

Frustrating for sure. One thing I would try would be to set some kind of an alarm, maybe on your cell phone, that will go off. “ When it is time to go to the bathroom”. Maybe start out with a 30 minute interval, if she brings up the bathroom before the alarm, you can point out it’s not time yet. The alarm hasn’t gone off, lather, rinse repeat, knowing that the alarm is gonna go off within a couple minutes yourself to the bathroom. As soon as the alarm goes off, say mom it’s time to go to the bathroom! Take her in and she either goes or she doesn’t, that doesn’t really matter. If you get a sense for how frequently she truly biologically needs to go to the bathroom and it’s every three hours, you can be good to extend the time period from 30 minutes to 45 to 60 to whatever. But you’re establishing a pattern that lesson until the alarm goes off it’s not time to go to the bathroom. Obviously if she starts having accidents , you may have to alter the timing or have her check for urinary tract infection. I’m sure she’s struggling with losing control and lack of awareness about basic biological functions and that is heartbreaking. I hope this works.

We started doing this about a week ago, she then wines and carries on like a toddler. Hopefully after a few weeks this will become routine and get easier but then again with dementia probably not because everything seems to be “new” to them. We will continue because I know she doesn’t always have to go. Many times after her acting out if I can get it out of her head and get her focused on something else she forgets all about it and goes even longer than I originally told her she needed to wait til.
Your advise is what seems to help the most right now, thank you!

Thank you for sharing this valuable tool regarding incontinence. As caregivers we can “Blame the Alarm” when whining begins. Our Mayo community is so unique… we can share or question any topic without any hesitation. We know that this safe place will help and understand our issues. Thank you all for opening yourselves to all of us!

I don't have dementia yet, but I do have dry eyes. They are miserable, feeling like there is something in them, burning, itching and causing my vision to be blurry. Wind blowing and direct fans makes it worse. There are OTC drops which worked for short periods sometimes only minutes, but I finally got prescription drops that work very well and now I rarely need to use the OTC drops. My eyes are so much more comfortable and my vision is much clearer. Find a way to make a game of getting drops. I hope this helps

She is afraid she will wet herself and may have little or no control of doing so once she becomes aware of needing to go or even thinking of needing to go. I call it Pavlovs toilet. I think of it, my brain says "go ahead". Not what I want to do at all. Disposable protection may reassure her more than arguing that she just went. Reassure her that it will be OK if she leaks as she is wearing a disposable toilet. More pads/underwear or more arguments? It worked at the end of my Mother's life when the effort to get her out of bed was daunting so I called it a disposable bedpan. Maybe this can help you too. But there is no arguing with dementia, as they just cannot remember even things that happened just seconds ago. They are not being stubborn or doing it TO you. But they still feel shame. The "bathroom time" timer recommended also may be a big help.

Thank you! We already have her wearing depends so we already reassure her it’s ok but she will not accept that. I have figured out with her it’s more of a fixation as someone else mentioned. I have found the timer helps a little but even more so keeping her mind on something else. When she is focused on a word search puzzle or doing something she goes a couple hours. I do like your term “disposable bedpan”, I will use your advice when she is in bed and not able to get up. Thank you!

yes, being a caregiver of someone with dementia is no easy task. Would a chart with hours and ability to mark off work? Like in public restrooms where cleaners indicate when last time cleaned. Maybe she could mark off on chart when used the toilet? But don't try to use logic, it only frustrates the two of you, as you mentioned with puzzles, distraction seems to work. Maybe can toilet after finishing word search? Big Hug, it's definitely not easy.