Anger. Guilt. Anger….cycle

Alzheimer’s is devastating. When I learned my husband had the diagnosis, I was a mess. We had both worked hard to have a good life in retirement only to learn that it would be very different. We are in a medical family and have always talked frankly about medical issues so we knew the research wasn’t promising and the road ahead would be unpleasant. It took a few months, about 9, for me to work thru the 5 Stages of Grief so I could move forward. Grief for the loss to come, the pain for our family and their loss. I knew I needed to do so in order to be my best at being his caregiver. I’m not suggesting this approach is for everyone. I can now be more supportive and positive on a day to day basis. It isn’t his fault that he has this disease and I want to offer the same care I would like to receive if it were my diagnosis. We treasure each day and try to find humor in the tough moments. We are 5 years and still going on this journey.

WOW. It truly is a roller coaster. Wishing you and your wife all the best as you try to navigate your mutual life.

Yes, indeed, go figure!

Absolutely, it is a roller coaster. One day my husband can’t remember for to sign his name or read a menu and the next day he reads and understand half of a book. Blessings to you, prayers for peace of mind.

I could have written your comment. I’m trying to be grateful for all I have and don’t have, like my husband’s Dementia.
He also has heart failure which is just as worrisome as the Dementia. Never knowing when we have to go to the ER in the middle of the night because of his loss of breath and weakness.
I think we have gone down a level with his Dementia. He has been doing very well up until now. We had a bad day yesterday. For the first time, he forgot where he was, which was at Target where we get our refills. He was disoriented for several minutes and then he remembered where he was. At cards later that day, he handed all my cards to another player while I was getting coffee. The worst thing after that was he misplaced his wallet. I don't think it has been found by someone else because so far, the credit cards and debit card have not been used. I'm hoping it was just misplaced and not lost for someone else to use. Not much money in it and I have pictures of his driver's license and insurance cards. Put a hold on credit cards.
I have set up an appointment this Monday morning with a counselor covered by our insurance to talk about the driving test for Will. I can't wait much longer to set up the test that determines whether he can drive or not. He seemed quiet about it at first but now tells me that he doesn't want to give up his license. It's heartbreaking for me to have him go through this huge loss but I know I have to have him tested. He needs to talk to a counselor about his feelings giving up driving and know she is available when he needs to talk. We may have to get on a waiting list for the test because there are so many with the same issue. That will give him some time to process the loss.
God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

@fleetwoodiv -- Great news... happy for you two.

And please don't second-guess yourself about the prior treatment... you did what you thought. and what the specialists believed, was the appropriate therapy for her.

All the best!

/LarryG

Here's a new twist on things: my wife said to me yesterday as I was leaving, that she missed me. She said it again several times as I didn't answer her, and I eventually said I missed her too (but apparently not enthusiastically enough), to which she responded "You don't miss me!" I did remind her of the behaviors which led me to place her in Memory Care to begin with, and she produced a rejoinder like, "You're being mean!" I can see how she would want to come home, because her roommate isn't as highly functional as we had first thought, and the food there isn't very good. There are apparently a lot of high functioning individuals there (one of them ate dinner with us last night), but Carol won't take the initiative to try to meet any of them. I don't want her to come home, because she'll be so anxious about where I am all of the time that I'll become virtually homebound myself. Her personal hygiene isn't very good, and she shows little interest in doing anything. How does one handle being "guilted" like this?

it is so difficult. I pray for each and every one of you. such a rollercoaster. the two death reality is there but until then you must care for them through the craziness of the disease.

Were you able to get her into Memory Care voluntarily or ? That is one thing on my mind, how to get my husband in one when it is time.

cmiddlet, here's an excellent book available on Amazon that could be helpful and ease your mind:
"Moving a Relative, Other Transitions in Dementia Care" by Laurie White and Beth Spencer.

Yes, she and I evaluated in person several memory care units, and she chose one, and didn't complain about being taken there. I believe that she thinks that I couldn't stand living with her anymore, and she's there because of me instead of because of her.