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keeptrying
@keeptrying

Posts: 31
Joined: Dec 07, 2017

Acceptance

Posted by @keeptrying, Dec 24, 2017

Does anyone have difficulty accepting new limitations daily? Is it helpful or a bit of denial to keep photos out of yourself riding, dancing, all of which are just fantasies at this point? Thank you.

REPLY

Hello @keeptrying — Thank you for asking that question. I struggle with it also. I have idiopathic small fiber peripheral neuropathy going on 20+ years in my feet and ankles. I also have polymyalgia rheumatica which I’m hoping will go back into remission soon. I think keeping things that remind of us of good memories is helpful and brings a little joy at times we need might need some. Your username keeptrying is a good one and I’m guessing it describes how you feel inside. When I get down a little, I just keep reminding myself to take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

I hate accepting that I can no longer do some of the things I could do when I was younger – I’m a young person stuck in a 74 year old’s body. The old guy keeps reminding me not to do anything stupid like trying to pick up something heavy but the young guy still thinks he can do it like in the old days. The acceptance comes for me after I’ve done something stupid and now have more pain than normal.

I do think keeping busy, volunteering and taking life one day at a time and smiling a lot goes a long way to help with acceptance. I was fortunate enough to have listened to a speaker Dr. Amit Sood who gave me a new perspective and outlook on life. He has a website with a lot of great short videos:
http://stressfree.org/. Here is one of my favorite videos of Dr. Sood:

John

@keeptrying I suppose that is part of the problem, all right. Whenever I get blue about not being able to dance or ride or something similar, Wifey reminds me that I never could dance or ride. But I mention one of my old girlfriends, and Wifey asks if I want her to call the old friend and offer to give me back. That usually ends the conversation. Then I go back to watching football, which was most of my life for 30 years. We both know I cannot do that any longer. Someplace at Emory University there is a picture of me walking on water, but I guess my feet have shrunk too much for that.

@keeptrying Speaking only for myself-even remembering all I once did is a definite downer. Viewing any photos of when I was strong, active, high achiever, goal setter and the list goes on has not ever helped me. Fact is these type of activities leave me at the mercy of the pit dweller and I do not even want to try. Going back in time with memories is detrimental for me.
If it helps you then do so. If not, cease doing thus. Acceptance has been the insurmountable wall at times. Contentment is not always within my grasp. I am the only one who can keep myself trying. No one else can do this for me. My input. Need to take my own words and put them into action.

@johnbishop Thank you John. Sounds much easier when viewed in this manner. I know I have said to doctors that the whole body is connected.

@keeptrying I thought I would share a few thoughts as I was moved by your topic and the others that have responded as far. As I have been thinking about this topic for me I have yet had any significant limitations due to my health and so I initially was going to pass. As I thought more, what kept coming back to me was that as we all age there are always setbacks for a variety of reasons that will normally cause us to realize that we have have limitations. I think it is wise to come to grips with that reality as least for me and I would suspect for all of us. I was reminded just a week ago as I was up on our 2nd story roof setting out our Christmas lights, that I might be wise to consider sticking to the 1st level or hiring someone else to do this for me? Many of the memories I have of my past with regards to participating in the activities I once loved I haved replaced with new things that I am still able to do and bring nearly as much joy as those other things. I used to surf quite a bit for example and given the right circumstances would love to give it a go, but I am more than content snorkling in some beautiful water taking in the endless amount of varieties of fish. On a trip several years back in Maui I headed back to the beach after being out just 30′ feet from the beach and as I approached the sandy bottom I came across a pair of legs. I popped my head up to find a older couple standing there with a very concerned look on their faces. They had rented snorkel equipement, but had some real fear of going out where many of the snorklers were swimming. Noticing that, I mentioned that there was as much fish swimming around there feet as were out there. I suggested they put on their masks and take a look. It was so much fun to see their smiles as they pulled on their fins. Just a short story to illustrate that we may not need to abandon what once brought us joy but embrace with limitions the very things we still love. They will only become fantasties if we let them!
Sending you warm thoughts and a very Merry Christmas. Sincerly @thankful

@thankful

@keeptrying I thought I would share a few thoughts as I was moved by your topic and the others that have responded as far. As I have been thinking about this topic for me I have yet had any significant limitations due to my health and so I initially was going to pass. As I thought more, what kept coming back to me was that as we all age there are always setbacks for a variety of reasons that will normally cause us to realize that we have have limitations. I think it is wise to come to grips with that reality as least for me and I would suspect for all of us. I was reminded just a week ago as I was up on our 2nd story roof setting out our Christmas lights, that I might be wise to consider sticking to the 1st level or hiring someone else to do this for me? Many of the memories I have of my past with regards to participating in the activities I once loved I haved replaced with new things that I am still able to do and bring nearly as much joy as those other things. I used to surf quite a bit for example and given the right circumstances would love to give it a go, but I am more than content snorkling in some beautiful water taking in the endless amount of varieties of fish. On a trip several years back in Maui I headed back to the beach after being out just 30′ feet from the beach and as I approached the sandy bottom I came across a pair of legs. I popped my head up to find a older couple standing there with a very concerned look on their faces. They had rented snorkel equipement, but had some real fear of going out where many of the snorklers were swimming. Noticing that, I mentioned that there was as much fish swimming around there feet as were out there. I suggested they put on their masks and take a look. It was so much fun to see their smiles as they pulled on their fins. Just a short story to illustrate that we may not need to abandon what once brought us joy but embrace with limitions the very things we still love. They will only become fantasties if we let them!
Sending you warm thoughts and a very Merry Christmas. Sincerly @thankful

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I’m Blessed with a lot in my 67 yrs. I’m thankful for every body in my life and what little time I have left.
I’m a patient of Chronic Diseases and Conditions since age 5. I was Blessed to be sent back down here after my heart stopped 3 time’s. But last yr these Dr’s the 1 I have says I don’t have diabetes any more family history refuses to write scripts for medical supplies I ‘ve been getting since 99. I’m barley hanging on to life but am Blessed to have some who rescued me from Mountains and brought me back and fell in Love with me no matter what my health is .God has been great to me

Hello, I’m Sharon and I have limitations I never had before and never thought of them was I was younger and healthy. Such as, AFibrillation, COPD, stage 3 kidney disease, diabetes, traumatic brain injury, on and on etc. I certainly don’t believe it Denial to look back at what you use to do as longer as there is no morbid dread or fear about today. It is better to live in the moment. I find every morning when I make a grateful list say 4 things I’m grateful for. This starts my day off on a good happy note. Such as I’m grateful for another day of life. Being able to appreciate a beautiful sunset. A roof over my head. Or I could feel isolated and depressed. I also find when I take myself out of the equation and think of how I could call and help someone else, that helps me too. Most people are suffering with addictions or health problems, mental or physical, how sad. You could help with a kind word. It helps, it works.

I struggle with that issue as well. My career was a police Chaplain, highly trained yet my years on Call provided me with huge unpleasant on site memories. After you retire from law Enforcement life changes. I am no longer part of a strong responding team
What do I do?
1. Growing up my sleep by nature was in bed at 9:30 up at 6:00. Years of up @ 2:00am, etc took me about a month but now on schedule, results excellent!
2. Went on HFLC eating and went from 214 to 174, feel great but close contact with my doctor for guidance.
3. it is very helpful to look at old pictures, letters, special plaques and awards, of good times, pleasant and rewards of my achievements.
The people in my life, those I mentored, all of course were younger officers and the plan for them was to learn and go forward.
4. I am a student of the Bible and enjoy such as the one referred to by Mr. Bishop, a happy brain, (thank you sir very good information). My study is conservative (my old friend from Kinta, oklahoma, Les Feldick has a good study and tape program that works for me. Find what works for you, we are all different.
It is My opinion and belief that as humans on this road of Life, we will have issues to overcome. I remembered that the problems I solved in the past lead to Success and provided the next and another opportunity in life.
Last, I write a lot. Keep a journal and just last night wrote a page on my accomplishments years ago, long lost my others but they are mine. ALL POSITIVE.
Don’t quit.
End

@clydecaldwell

I struggle with that issue as well. My career was a police Chaplain, highly trained yet my years on Call provided me with huge unpleasant on site memories. After you retire from law Enforcement life changes. I am no longer part of a strong responding team
What do I do?
1. Growing up my sleep by nature was in bed at 9:30 up at 6:00. Years of up @ 2:00am, etc took me about a month but now on schedule, results excellent!
2. Went on HFLC eating and went from 214 to 174, feel great but close contact with my doctor for guidance.
3. it is very helpful to look at old pictures, letters, special plaques and awards, of good times, pleasant and rewards of my achievements.
The people in my life, those I mentored, all of course were younger officers and the plan for them was to learn and go forward.
4. I am a student of the Bible and enjoy such as the one referred to by Mr. Bishop, a happy brain, (thank you sir very good information). My study is conservative (my old friend from Kinta, oklahoma, Les Feldick has a good study and tape program that works for me. Find what works for you, we are all different.
It is My opinion and belief that as humans on this road of Life, we will have issues to overcome. I remembered that the problems I solved in the past lead to Success and provided the next and another opportunity in life.
Last, I write a lot. Keep a journal and just last night wrote a page on my accomplishments years ago, long lost my others but they are mine. ALL POSITIVE.
Don’t quit.
End

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Hello @clydecaldwell — I noticed this is your first time posting. I would like to welcome you to Mayo Connect and thank you for sharing how you deal with acceptance. You bring up some great points and I think by everyone sharing how they deal with acceptance there may be someone out there that can relate and benefit from this discussion.

Hoping for a stress free, pain free and blessed Christmas Day for all our Connect members and friends.

John

@clydecaldwell Good ol’ Les…I am all for pleasant memories and reminders of a once full life. I don’t dwell there though. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Just for myself, I don’t follow the forget the past and don’t think about the future. Just live in the moment. I have experienced positive, negative, neutral and traumatic things. My in the moment might fit into any of those categories, as well. Who knows what’s in the future?

The person I am today has been shaped by everything in my past, for better or for worse. I can’t deny it or pretend it never happened. That would be lying. I have to be truthful about the past. Many of us have been through some tough times which may have broken us. Reassembly takes time and probably isn’t easy. At some point, we rejoin life, and if we’ve learned anything, we may change course to move toward a place of health. We might, as some have suggested, make intentional decisions to treat others differently than we were. I have learned to see myself differently than I did for decades. I’ve learned that much of my guilt was undeserved, and that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was.

Acceptance of the person I am and that I will be that person for the rest of my life has been a big step for me. Actually, it’s been a long staircase. I find that when I’m depressed, I sometimes find myself down a few steps, standing on a landing. I don’t like being there, but usually after a few sessions with the therapist I’m able to get back up to my new normal. I was waaay down this time last year, totally ready to call it quits.

Self acceptance and acceptance of what has brought me to where I am now, have been great contributors to my recovery over the past twelve years. I wish that life had been different, but what’s done is done. Moving forward, everything I do will shape both my present, as well as my future. That’s why I think that the future needs to be considered, because it will be affected by what I do today. So, not only does the past shape my present, the future does, too.

I should get out from behind the pulpit and rejoin my family. We finished opening presents and now are anticipating dinner. All the more so because my wife is cooking a pot roast at the request of our son-in-law, and the house is filling with the aroma. Our daughter has made pumpkin, pecan and lemon meringue pies. I am so going to have to lose weight when they go back home to Alameda. I know that body image is part of self acceptance, but I feel better about myself when I’m at the weight I was for most of my adult life. I put on an extra 40+ pounds a few years ago, and in the first half of 2015, I managed to lose 60, which put me back to the size I was from age 20 to age 55. I’m determined not to get back to the size I had become. For one thing, I got rid of all of the larger size clothes. I guess that made it a pretty firm commitment.

I hope you are having a good Christmas holiday.

Jim

@jimhd I like when you reflect. Hope your Christmas was a peaceful one. I spent the day playing with my colored pencils as it is more of a mindless type thing. The gentle motion is soothing. Blessings.

Dear Keeptrying, I do have photos of a younger me, and sometimes I can’t believe them…but about two weeks ago, I showed them to someone who has only known me for 2 years. I said this is Vanity, look what I looked like then? He did not even recognize me? It’s all part of us, and who says we can’t
do these things again? No one, and if they do, don’t hang around with them..we do not need to hear this kind of stuff. Does it do you any good?
No body knows everything? And, we’ll see. We know best. Be open to getting better and SHOCK them all, ha, ha, ha!

@parus

@jimhd I like when you reflect. Hope your Christmas was a peaceful one. I spent the day playing with my colored pencils as it is more of a mindless type thing. The gentle motion is soothing. Blessings.

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Thank you, @parus

I spent the day eating, cleaning the kitchen, opening presents and knitting. I get into trouble if I knit this particular pattern mindlessly. I’ve had to back up several times for one reason or another. Right now, I’m knitting myself a vest. The back was all rib stitch, so it was pretty mindless. The front is more complicated and requires that I pay attention. We’re enjoying having our daughter and family here for a week. Especially glad to see our 9 month old granddaughter.

Jim

@keeptrying

I have had to accept more and more things over the past ten years. I’m the kind of person who wants to know as much as possible about my health, so I’m delighted to have all of the resources of Google. I find that education is freeing. I learn what might happen given the health issues I have, and am grateful that most of the possible difficulties are still in the future. I like to understand what’s going on in my body and mind. Being in this group has made me appreciate the good health I still have, and it’s made me aware of how insignificant my problems are, compared with others’.

I do miss hiking and doing the malls. When I walk very much, I pay for it. But I’m still able to do the yard work, with the blessing of my riding lawnmower. I have a lot of ground that’s landscaped, and takes a lot of my time in the spring and summer. I’m trying to work toward lower maintenance.

I guess I just do what I can, and know that the work will still be there tomorrow.

Jim

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