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miss1203
@miss1203

Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 30, 2016

13 year old boy fights at school and wants constant affection at home

Posted by @miss1203, Nov 30, 2016

I have a 13 year old step son. His mother is still in the picture, but he lives with us. He has been suspended 6 times this year already (only in second term) mostly for fighting. That in itself is difficult to deal with for us. My second concern is his behavior at home is troubling in a different way. He CONSTANTLY wants hugs, says I love you, calls his father daddy still. And when he wants a hug it’s not just a quick hug, he has to squeeze you, sometimes kiss you. A 13 year old boy that thinks he’s so tough, but still wants to kiss his daddy? I am trying really hard to be empathetic, but all of it is very exhausting. I have an 18 month old, and he is jealous of her too. I try very hard to give him extra attention because I thought that’s what he needed, but nothing has even come close to helping. Any idea out there?

REPLY

Welcome to Connect @miss1203.

It must be confusing that your child is sending mixed signals, but that indeed be signalling his own confusion.

Blended families are not easy. They take more work, especially in the beginning. But that’s more than normal — because everybody is learning.

Have you thought about seeking consultation with a therapist? It may be beneficial to discuss your concern with a pediatric physician, a pediatric psychiatrist or therapist.

Most kids call their father Daddy all their life! This 13 yr old boy needs love and it’s good that his Dad will allow him to show affection. He’s in a split family and you may need to show a bit of kindness toward him than being jealous of him! The problems at school could be handled by a counselor! Or his Dad could take him to an outside Phychiatry. This boy needs help now!

@cowboy1997

Most kids call their father Daddy all their life! This 13 yr old boy needs love and it’s good that his Dad will allow him to show affection. He’s in a split family and you may need to show a bit of kindness toward him than being jealous of him! The problems at school could be handled by a counselor! Or his Dad could take him to an outside Phychiatry. This boy needs help now!

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I’m not jealous of him? I don’t think you interpreted my question right. I am not saying it’s not okay for him to be affectionate, I am saying the level is not appropriate, his father feels the same way if not more so too so before you start acting like I’m the evil step mom try to understand what I was asking.

@hironopiro

Welcome to Connect @miss1203.

It must be confusing that your child is sending mixed signals, but that indeed be signalling his own confusion.

Blended families are not easy. They take more work, especially in the beginning. But that’s more than normal — because everybody is learning.

Have you thought about seeking consultation with a therapist? It may be beneficial to discuss your concern with a pediatric physician, a pediatric psychiatrist or therapist.

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We have made an appointment with a therapist, thank you for your reply

miss1203 I am sorry that you are having concerns over your 13 year old step son. Though parenting within itself is a difficult task for any family having a step child is quiet the challenge. A child in a family with separated parents the child could be blaming himself for the brake up so they could be compensating their fears by coming to the step parent giving extra affection in order to be saying that he loves you and is fearful of braking up his family again. This could be in the mind of your step son. Also his behavior in school could also be due to the separation of his parents but he feels that he has to act that out in a different way. He does not fear of any loss so he acts out differently in school than at home. This is not unusual. Your step son being jealous of your six month is not again usual for families. Again the hugging is a way your 13 year old to be assure that you love him and that he will not have to go through another family brake up. My advice is to talk to him putting aside a special time so just you and his father to just talk. A me time. The more he feels secure in his new home situation the acting out should reduce. You express your self about the difficulties you are having with your step son. Have you spoken to your husband about the behavior concerns you have with your step son? You may also look into activities in your area that your step son maybe interested in joining. A boy his age (teenager) should have interest in socializing with peers. They come aware more of their appearances and how it appears to his peers. The teenage years as a parent is difficult enough having family concerns certainly does not help. But again it is normal. Teenagers as they get older look for more automony from their parents. Saying I am growing up give me more space etc. So keep in contact on connection and tell what you think.

Is your child aggressive ? How long has this been happening ? Is he constantly angry?

Hi it sound like he may be having some type of mood issues or anxiety. My daughter use to show her butt at school but come home thinking i was going ro die or leave her. She wouldn’t let me oit of her sight. Always wanting to hold on to me (hug).

Hello @2muchfluid,

Thank you for joining Connect, and especially for the insight. Did you resolve the anxiety issue with your daughter? Do you have any suggestions to share? We’d love to hear from you.

@kanaazpereira

Hello @2muchfluid,

Thank you for joining Connect, and especially for the insight. Did you resolve the anxiety issue with your daughter? Do you have any suggestions to share? We’d love to hear from you.

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Yes she did.

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