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Ima bad person, I don’t know who I am

Posted by birdielox @birdielox, Dec 15, 2023

IM a bad person and I don’t want to try to change. I don’t have any mental health problems, but there’s something wrong with me. I probably just go through what every other teen goes through. (I’m 15)But I have lost my self and I’m ruining the life of my family. I get almost like hyper, I’ll not be tired, spend all my money in my online account, my mom said I can be off putting when I’m like this, and I’m mean. Those feel nice for me till I’m out of it and find out I was a mean and annoying person. Then just randomly I’ll just stay in my bed and always be sleeping, sad, worried, cant stop crying, and just feeling low, also missing school which I NEVER do I love school. I feel fine now but I don’t know who I am any more and I feel like a dead weight. Is there anything I can do for my family and friends so I don’t ruin there life.

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frances007 | @frances007 | Dec 24, 2023
In reply to @birdielox "Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non..." + (show)
Profile picture for birdielox @birdielox

Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non “real” person is following me. I think it’s an evil spirit, like death. I can feel them watching me, waiting to attack. And sometimes I hear them calling my full name. Now I know it’s not a real person so I don’t know if this is normal. through out the day at times it is worse but right now I seem okay. I just want to know if I’m over reacting and this is normal or if it’s not and I need some advice.

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go to the doctor posthaste

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Cheryl, Volunteer Mentor | @cehunt57 | Dec 24, 2023
In reply to @birdielox "Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non..." + (show)
Profile picture for birdielox @birdielox

Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non “real” person is following me. I think it’s an evil spirit, like death. I can feel them watching me, waiting to attack. And sometimes I hear them calling my full name. Now I know it’s not a real person so I don’t know if this is normal. through out the day at times it is worse but right now I seem okay. I just want to know if I’m over reacting and this is normal or if it’s not and I need some advice.

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@birdielox I followed your previous discussion “Ima a bad person, I don’t know who I am”. I responded that some of the characteristics you described could be evidence of a mental illness diagnosis such as bipolar. What you are describing here makes me even more concerned for you. We at Mayo Clinic Connect do not diagnose or prescribe treatments. But I do think it’s time to get a professional opinion. Could you ask your parents, your school counselor, or perhaps someone in your faith community to help you make arrangements for an appointment? Since you are a minor these adults are obligated to help you. Please don’t put this off.

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Profile picture for Cheryl, Volunteer Mentor
Mentor
Cheryl, Volunteer Mentor | @cehunt57 | Dec 25, 2023
In reply to @birdielox "Thank you! I’ve started writing in a journal and spending time with family! Merry Christmas too!..." + (show)
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Thank you! I’ve started writing in a journal and spending time with family! Merry Christmas too! Also you don’t really think I have bipolar

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@birdielox I didn’t say “I don’t really think you have bipolar”. I said some of what you described COULD be evidence of a mental health condition. I also said that if your issues persist or become unmanageable that you need to seek professional assistance. I saw another discussion you posted regarding “someone’s watching me”. I definitely think it is time to seek that help!

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frances007 | @frances007 | Dec 25, 2023

in reply to @brandysparks Yes, we do what we can in an effort to remain sane in a world of sanity.
I miss having a "witness" even though CJ, my friend with dementia is still my "witness" in as much as she is able to be so. I just crave for her to return to her "old self" and offer me the guidance she always used to provide.
Being chronically ill is certainly no fun, and I don't want anyone to think that life is "easy" for me, because it is not. However, I do my best to turn every bad situation into a positive one, even if that means crying for a while before I pick myself up off the floor and take action.
I had some recent labs suggestive of multiple myeloma, and because I will not get any answers from my doctor until my appointment on January 8th 2024, I decided to give HealthTree access to all of my medical records for three months. I will call them after the first of the year and have them go over my labs with me. I am tired of my doctor's "nurse navigator" filtering all of his messages telling me to ask my PCP to explain everything, when in fact, my PCP is as clueless as I am.
I have been horribly sick all weekend, possibly an allergic reaction to the Percocet I got this month because of the nationwide Norco shortage. Everything I eat goes right through me, my mouth is red hot with layers of skin peeling off. The Teladoc doctor yesterday was astonished I was given the anti viral medication for my mouth problem, but did say I could take 2 lomotil every 4 hours as needed. Suffice to say, all I want to do is sleep through the holidays, holly days.

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1 reply
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frances007 | @frances007 | Dec 25, 2023
In reply to @birdielox "Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non..." + (show)
Profile picture for birdielox @birdielox

Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non “real” person is following me. I think it’s an evil spirit, like death. I can feel them watching me, waiting to attack. And sometimes I hear them calling my full name. Now I know it’s not a real person so I don’t know if this is normal. through out the day at times it is worse but right now I seem okay. I just want to know if I’m over reacting and this is normal or if it’s not and I need some advice.

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in reply to @birdielox

If you are not doing anything wrong, you are being watched and recorded.
Edward Snowden

I agree that a medical evaluation would be something to consider at this point. What is that saying about getting "off the pot"?

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brandysparks | @brandysparks | Dec 25, 2023
In reply to @frances007 "in reply to @brandysparks Yes, we do what we can in an effort to remain sane..." + (show)
Profile picture for frances007 @frances007

in reply to @brandysparks Yes, we do what we can in an effort to remain sane in a world of sanity.
I miss having a "witness" even though CJ, my friend with dementia is still my "witness" in as much as she is able to be so. I just crave for her to return to her "old self" and offer me the guidance she always used to provide.
Being chronically ill is certainly no fun, and I don't want anyone to think that life is "easy" for me, because it is not. However, I do my best to turn every bad situation into a positive one, even if that means crying for a while before I pick myself up off the floor and take action.
I had some recent labs suggestive of multiple myeloma, and because I will not get any answers from my doctor until my appointment on January 8th 2024, I decided to give HealthTree access to all of my medical records for three months. I will call them after the first of the year and have them go over my labs with me. I am tired of my doctor's "nurse navigator" filtering all of his messages telling me to ask my PCP to explain everything, when in fact, my PCP is as clueless as I am.
I have been horribly sick all weekend, possibly an allergic reaction to the Percocet I got this month because of the nationwide Norco shortage. Everything I eat goes right through me, my mouth is red hot with layers of skin peeling off. The Teladoc doctor yesterday was astonished I was given the anti viral medication for my mouth problem, but did say I could take 2 lomotil every 4 hours as needed. Suffice to say, all I want to do is sleep through the holidays, holly days.

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Take care, my online comrade....

I'm curious what this "HealthNet" is that you mentioned...I'll check it out.

If it's a kind of "out of pocket" qualified, privacy-committed & professional 3rd party to give a fresh perspective on what you've been dealing with, it seems like a much-needed, long-overdue service many of us could use!

Do take care, we'll be in touch again soon.
Hugs...

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2 replies
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frances007 | @frances007 | Dec 27, 2023
In reply to @brandysparks "Take care, my online comrade.... I'm curious what this "HealthNet" is that you mentioned...I'll check it..." + (show)
Profile picture for brandysparks @brandysparks

Take care, my online comrade....

I'm curious what this "HealthNet" is that you mentioned...I'll check it out.

If it's a kind of "out of pocket" qualified, privacy-committed & professional 3rd party to give a fresh perspective on what you've been dealing with, it seems like a much-needed, long-overdue service many of us could use!

Do take care, we'll be in touch again soon.
Hugs...

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HealthTree

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1 reply
Profile picture for frances007
frances007 | @frances007 | Dec 27, 2023
In reply to @brandysparks "Take care, my online comrade.... I'm curious what this "HealthNet" is that you mentioned...I'll check it..." + (show)
Profile picture for brandysparks @brandysparks

Take care, my online comrade....

I'm curious what this "HealthNet" is that you mentioned...I'll check it out.

If it's a kind of "out of pocket" qualified, privacy-committed & professional 3rd party to give a fresh perspective on what you've been dealing with, it seems like a much-needed, long-overdue service many of us could use!

Do take care, we'll be in touch again soon.
Hugs...

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in reply to @brandysparks Thanks. Turns out I have C. diff. If the nurse navigator had just listened to my pleas for immunotherapy, as recommended by the doctor if I got a bad sinus infection, I would not have been placed on 3 different antibiotics over a 3 week period. Those doctors a Teledoc really are quite helpful, just so you know. My insurance plan covers my "visits" with them, and they are now my "go to" when I have "real" issues. WTF

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birdielox | @birdielox | Dec 27, 2023
In reply to @frances007 "in reply to @birdielox You know, I often wish I could wake up in another country...." + (show)
Profile picture for frances007 @frances007

in reply to @birdielox You know, I often wish I could wake up in another country. Perhaps Belize

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My dad went there and he followed the eagle rays.( the big stingray that jumps through the water) to catch fish! Also I hope you’re feeling better!

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Profile picture for birdielox
birdielox | @birdielox | Dec 27, 2023
In reply to @birdielox "Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non..." + (show)
Profile picture for birdielox @birdielox

Kinda a random thing but for the past week or two I feel like a non “real” person is following me. I think it’s an evil spirit, like death. I can feel them watching me, waiting to attack. And sometimes I hear them calling my full name. Now I know it’s not a real person so I don’t know if this is normal. through out the day at times it is worse but right now I seem okay. I just want to know if I’m over reacting and this is normal or if it’s not and I need some advice.

Jump to this post

Thank you all guys! I don’t feel like this anymore so probably just a one time things I’m all good now!

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