Senior anxiety: How do you manage new on-set anxiety as you age?

I have been consulting with a Psychologist for almost a year, and it has been a positive experience. He follows Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CT) and Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) that aim at identifying the causes that prompt our unhealthy behavioral responses, and then come up with alternatives. In fact, I got one of the basic books on the subject: "A Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper, which is pretty clear and useful.
I think that getting sound psychological support is essential. We often look for medicines to get us out of our problems, but medicines help treat the symptoms only. We need good therapy to help us treat the causes, as well.

Tom, you have already received some really good advice to help you decrease your "normal" fears and isolation.
Yes, these golden years are a lot tougher than our parents experienced. A different world then. I live in a 55+ and be careful - I have discovered after 7 years living here it is not like the commercials you see on TV with everyone laughing and socializing together. We have folks here who literally do not leave their homes (& are not sick) or there are those who simply do not wish to engage with anyone, only their spouse/immediate family & simply give you a wave. And it's hard to make "true" friends at our age. It can be done...and lucky if you do. Since you live alone safety is an issue - I would get one of those "alerts" you can wear around your neck and can simply press a button if you need 911 and a "speaker" placed on your phone would call out your name to determine the help you need. God forbid you can not speak they would send out an ambulance. Of course there is a monthly fee but worth it in my opinion. There are a ton of things to do to combat loneliness...as you can see here or simply google it. Night time and weekends can be tough. Plan in advance so you are not left sitting in a chair wondering "what can I do?"
Loneliness is a universal feeling and one can be any age to experience it. When Saint Mother Teresa visited the US years ago she said that "loneliness" was the # 1 mental health issue in this country. I believe it. Other countries in the world take care of their "elderly" and honor them until death. Sadly not in the US. When you are hit particularly hard by loneliness, depressed feelings...sit and pray for help, using your own words or prayer cards. Remember, everything passes in life. The good as well as the bad. The Buddhists know this and practice this in their meditations. And accept it as normal life and suffering. Read up on their philosophy (it's not a religion) - I found it to be a comfort in my moments of despair and I am not a Buddhist. Make a Health & Wellness Plan for yourself with activities listed to do when you are feeling down and lonely. Refer to it and take action! Movement so important for us and so important for mental well being. I have a wonderful husband (# 2) and adult son who every mother would want! I am blessed! Yet, there are times I feel extremely lonely. It is part of life...and eventually will pass - & rear its ugly face another day. Be pro-active to help yourself, be accepting of the good and the bad, don't give up hope or faith. Have trust in your higher power. You will make it. We can do only the best we can and then let yourself off the hook. We are all only human after all and you are not, by a long shot, alone in your feelings. Hang in there, we senior folks are all doing simply that and that's OK 🙂

It is terrifying at my age (72) to think of being alone. NY children have abandoned me. I go from being terrified , anxious angry, crushed every day . Do you take anxiety meds? Be kind to yourself!

Thanks so much for the wonderful and thoughtful response…let me say that some of the ideas about Buddhist that you mentioned are good … very fortunately, I do not live alone, my wife lives here with me in this over 55 community.. I know what you mean about the isolation and depression..our entire community has changed in
the 12 years we have been here…my wife does not care to socialize and I don’t feel like going to any events without her…I’ve been to CODA meetings and I’m well aware of ‘this too shall pass’…..it is good advice..and responses like yours are the reason I came on this group…just to have someone and anyone respond is a nice thing…as I mentioned in one of my posts, I am seeing a psychiatrist 30 December about the morning fears and awful feelings that I’ve read lots of people have, especially seniors…

Thanks for your reply.. do take many meds for CAD, BP GERD and General Anxiety Disorder..thanks for the good advice…I’m careful with the Klonopin and I like to play my guitar (thankfully I still can) and I walk the mall..but losing my band mates from passing or moving away, it’s a jolt…being codependent doesn’t help..but I do try to be good to myself and your reply and others here have already helped me feel less isolated..
This is a wonderful forum with wonderful groups…I’m sorry about your children…I or my wife never have had any…so hope to post here more.. have received wonderful experiences and advice to always come back to….my new iPhone 15 is getting a workout…👍

Reading thru all posts, I'm lost: Isn't the central question that started this post is about this "horrible fear of being alone?"

This fear is unlike so many other unrealistic overblown (catastrophizing) fears because if we did not face up to this realistic fear in some practical way, our lives Will most likely end up as feared.

The solution is to plan and work with strategies that will ensure that we will not be alone. Human beings ARE social animal...and we fester when this need is unmet. Of course some need more social connection and some less but do I really want to end up alone dead only to be discovered weeks later? I am sorry if I look like awfulizing, but Why can't we have connection with people who also want the same. So Why is this so hard is what I've been listening reading and analyzing for over four years. One thing that seems to be the hurdle is we feel Ashamed of even appearing friendless. And yet friendship is good for the Other too. If I think I can be friend with Gary and Gary thinks only for the purpose of exchanging jokes we craft, then either I accept this genuine connection or move on to someone who also likes walks and philosophy. I, for one wud accept what is available right now. And if either of us changes mind, we both will graciously wish the other well. This is the lowest bar I have to meet another friend. But I can't find one if the other side is too ashamed to even cross this threshold. We can brush off shame only when we realize we Help the Other too when we offer human connection. That is the beauty of friendship that we don't see...and end up sinking in the darkness of our own making.

I had a terrible traumatic loss in 2011, my 23 year old daughter, and as I age (I'm almost your age now) the anxiety disorder I acquired as a result is worsening. Overall it seems I'm in excellent health for my age but small things are starting to go wrong, like dry eye, hearing loss, now I have an anal skin tag out of nowhere and it's destroying what's left of my quality of life.

I sold my house when I lost my daughter and it was a mistake because I moved into a condo for 62+ and I hate it. I don't fit in with these people, I'm world traveled, very educated, owned two houses, single mother BY CHOICE, ran a consulting business, etc. and this loss I experienced put me into another dimension of reality from everyone. I'm alone all the time. I've been alone since she died, that's twelve years. I'm thinking of putting an end to this but I don't have the courage.

I never envisioned myself this old. It's horrible, I hate every second of it, and I'm terrified of the future because I will never go live in one of those places that stockpiles old bodies until they die, never. It hasn't been worth it, none of it, this life hasn't been worth it.

Thanks for the link. I hadn't thought to check out places like the local library.

malo

Thanks for the nice informative post 😀

It seems you've not been able to come to terms with the loss of your daughter some 12 years ago. Such long, constant and intense reaction to your loss would likely turn anyone into myriad health issues, mental, physical, and even social, as your state of loneliness attests to. Have you not sought any professional help yet?

I seriously hope you look after yourself in ways that make YOU less prone to these host of issues which often mean even less capacity to counter afflictions. At 80, I do everything almost daily that would ensure me live alert and independent.
The apartment bldg I live, and most condo dwellers, do NOT get to meet other inhabitants. Only co-housing and to a lesser extent, co-ops provide more contact with fellow dwellers.

But it does not mean your chances to meet the world out there is foreclosed. From community centers to libraries and coffee shops, book stores and yes the meetups, they all provide opportunities for all ages with range of interests. I, keep exploring, though I have not developed personal bond as a friend yet. Since you had such a rich life, Not sharing it with another person would be a shame -- certainly a loss for people around you.