I know it's a progression but sometimes,

I have finally come to understand that I cannot perfectly keep my husband safe! I do what I can, but certainly am not perfect. Since September, I have had him to ER three times for infections, one was cellulitis after a fall; to doctors for UTI, foley catheter and self catheratization (he can do this, thankfully, but it is a mess). I've had covid and a salivary gland infection. Just do the best you can with a spirit of kindness and do not worry about letting things go. I currently have a cleaner come in once a month, which keeps things somewhat sanitary.

@tunared

Hey, Dan... just read your post.

Coincidently, my wife just did a similar thing yesterday afternoon. I asked her to hard-boil a few eggs so we could make egg salad for dinner. I was in the adjacent room doing some touch-up painting. Five minutes after, I passed by the kitchen just to see how things were going.

She'd put the five eggs in a Tupperware container with water, and placed the container directly on the electric stove burner. Couldn't believe my eyes! I quickly removed it, but the some of the plastic had already started to melt and stick to the glass stove top.

She'd NEVER done this before... and always used a metal pot for this. Luckily, I caught this fairly early, but this could've turned out to be MUCH more serious. (BTW, was able to remove all the plastic, by shutting off the burner, pouring room-temp water on the stove, and letting everything cool down, before using a sharp razor blade tool to gently lift off the plastic.)

Told her from now on, we'll be cooking together.

Noticed a significant change in her while discussing this. It gave me firsthand, clear evidence that the disease process isn't linear... and, since it happened, it's triggered in me greater immediate concern, stress, and appehension for the future... didn't sleep real well last night, and sense myself being somewhat jittery, and more upset with the situation today.

Calling our daughter (out-of-state) in a little while about possibly coming to visit soon, and hopefully staying for a short respite. Fingers crossed!

Know I'm preaching to the choir here, but:
Dementia SUCKS!

/LarryG

carbry, Thank you. I will be looking into the device.

LarryG, I TOTALLY agree with your last comment! I'm also frustrated that with all the money spent on research, the only thing out there is a few (VERY EXPENSIVE) drugs that really do nothing except cause serious side effects.
Larry, hold your wife close and be thankful she is still with you! The future is scary for us

Been thinking of getting a puppy but am afraid I would just be adding more work for me but I think of those long walks. My husband can’t walk very far and is always looking for me when I am not at arms length. I am able to talk to one of my sons who understands his father’s situation. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

Wmehan; the kids know her condition and they do talk to her once a week. In fact, one even asks her to go for a walk on a Sunday, which is great, if she goes. Our puppy is a great diversion, he doesn't talk back and is a great listener. 🙂 I know my wife talks to him too.

Dan,
I feel your frustration. It is wonderful that a spouse can want to help, but it can make everything just that much slower, messier, dangerous and stressful. What have you done to engage her in things she can still help with? I’ve unfolded microfiber and bath towels oit them in the dryer for a few minutes and asked my husband to fold them for me as an example. Are there some simple activities she can still do with someone’s help? Have you considered adult daycare? Such difficult times for you. Do you have help?

Wow! Very Impressive that y’all have had a 12-year journey! Im certain a difficult one for you both.
Please vent all you want, it’s the best medicine! I wish I had connected sooner on this site myself.
The impulsiveness and unpredictability will keep you on your toes for sure! My husband Rick was the same. He wanted to be so helpful in the kitchen, helping with other chores, but all proved too difficult and dangerous for him. He, too, exploded some boiled eggs on an electric stove because he forgot to put water in the pan! It was exhausting to keep up.
We are also private people, and my husband, too, did not want anyone to see him at his worst. I’d be the same so I shielded him fiercely to keep what little dignity he had left intact, and I was stubborn about asking for help.
I can only offer…keep on keeping on the best you can…and do what feels right to you. Meanwhile, we’re here to hear you vent!

Wmehan, a puppy is a LOT of work and takes a lot of your energy, however, there are many older dogs in the local animal shelter that could use a nice, quiet home. and they are housebroken and have been trained with basic commands. The people at the animal shelter could point you to a 'perfect' companion with great listening skills 🙂

Sometimes I just can't keep my eyes on my sweet hubby 24/7 like I need to, and things like this happen. We aren't "real" superheroes- just ordinary people that are becoming more and more overwhelmed.....and yet love is a strong enough power to keep us motivated to do the best we can each and everyday - and then try again the next day. Some nights can be very long and some days can be exhausting. but I am right where I want to be and like you, I am extremely grateful for this group! Wish I could hug everyone.