Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient

Posted by cseymour @cseymour, May 13, 2018

I am at a loss. My sweet husband, who is normally very kind and gentle, has become cynical, rude and just downright hard to be around. He has ESRD, been on dialysis, and received a transplant in September 2017. He has a complex case and is facing possible loss of transplant. I realize he has been through so much and I want to keep being a supportive caregiver. However, there is a limit to what one can take. Any suggestions or strategies on dealing with someone who appears to be mad at the world?

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@t101, Welcome to Mayo Connect. I can understand how disappointed you must be feeling right now. I mean a successful organ transplant surgery and recovery is supposed to make everything A-okay again isn't it? I received a liver and kidney transplant in 2009.
At only 3 weeks post transplant surgery, your husband's body is still in recovery mode. He is healing and on a regimen of strong medications that are needed to prevent infections and organ rejection. It is quite normal for a patient to be physically weak, confused about everything that has occurred, and even disappointed that he is not immediately well again. Sometimes the medications are the cause for his moodiness, and that is something that you will want to discuss with his transplant team.

@t101, One thing that I experienced was the need to be left alone for a while with no questions, no conversations, while I processed in my mind everything that I had gone thru. I needed time to cry, to pray, to ponder, - and to enjoy some freedom from hospital environment. I slept often, and each day from noon - 3 PM was "my" quiet time. Hubby took all phone calls so that I was not disturbed. This was something that a dear friend suggested to us. Is it possible that your husband needs some time for himself? I used to get angry at my husband for hovering over me. I still do!
I want to congratulate you and your husband for his kidney transplant. I trust that he will become his normal loving self.

@t101, Have you spoken to the transplant team about what you are experiencing? They need to know this.

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@rosemarya

@t101, Welcome to Mayo Connect. I can understand how disappointed you must be feeling right now. I mean a successful organ transplant surgery and recovery is supposed to make everything A-okay again isn't it? I received a liver and kidney transplant in 2009.
At only 3 weeks post transplant surgery, your husband's body is still in recovery mode. He is healing and on a regimen of strong medications that are needed to prevent infections and organ rejection. It is quite normal for a patient to be physically weak, confused about everything that has occurred, and even disappointed that he is not immediately well again. Sometimes the medications are the cause for his moodiness, and that is something that you will want to discuss with his transplant team.

@t101, One thing that I experienced was the need to be left alone for a while with no questions, no conversations, while I processed in my mind everything that I had gone thru. I needed time to cry, to pray, to ponder, - and to enjoy some freedom from hospital environment. I slept often, and each day from noon - 3 PM was "my" quiet time. Hubby took all phone calls so that I was not disturbed. This was something that a dear friend suggested to us. Is it possible that your husband needs some time for himself? I used to get angry at my husband for hovering over me. I still do!
I want to congratulate you and your husband for his kidney transplant. I trust that he will become his normal loving self.

@t101, Have you spoken to the transplant team about what you are experiencing? They need to know this.

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We did talk to them thus afternoon, and they think it's the medicine he is on. They are adjusting everything. I hope he will start feeling more like himself soon, and thank you

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@t101

We did talk to them thus afternoon, and they think it's the medicine he is on. They are adjusting everything. I hope he will start feeling more like himself soon, and thank you

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@t101, Thank you for the update!
I'm glad that you did contact them, and I know that you feel better already by having had the teams' expert input. I will add that it is common for medicines to be adjusted often during the early post transplant time.

I hope that you and he feel positive results from the adjustment.

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@rosemarya

@t101, Thank you for the update!
I'm glad that you did contact them, and I know that you feel better already by having had the teams' expert input. I will add that it is common for medicines to be adjusted often during the early post transplant time.

I hope that you and he feel positive results from the adjustment.

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Yes we do, and we talked about it and now he sees what he was doing. It all makes more sense now. I am definitely glad we talked to transplant about it.

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@t101

I am going through the exact same thing right now. My husband had a kidney transplant very recently and I just don't know to make him happy. He is always very angry at me. I keep hoping it will get better, but it just doesn't. I give my everything and it just doesn't matter. He went into surgery my sweet loving happy funny guy, and came out someone I don't know. He is so angry. He yells at me for everything I try to do. He is not who i married anymore, and im scared that I will never see that wonderful person ever again. I want my husband back, I miss him. 😢

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I wanted to give everyone an update about my husband. He is feeling more like himself now that they cut back on his prednisone. I think things are looking up now. I'd like to thank everyone. It helps to know we're not alone.

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@t101

I wanted to give everyone an update about my husband. He is feeling more like himself now that they cut back on his prednisone. I think things are looking up now. I'd like to thank everyone. It helps to know we're not alone.

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@t101 Such good news! Will you continue to keep us up to date?

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I will. I'm so glad you guys are here. All of you have helped me more than you will ever know.

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@t101

I will. I'm so glad you guys are here. All of you have helped me more than you will ever know.

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@t101, I commend you for contacting your husband's transplant team about his side effects. Many times, we (transplant recipients and caregivers) are hesitant to 'bother' our busy doctors. However, in the case of a transplant recipient, it is essential to do just that.

Thank you for sharing your experience because you are helping others who are facing similar issues after their transplant procedure. 🤍

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@rosemarya

@t101, I commend you for contacting your husband's transplant team about his side effects. Many times, we (transplant recipients and caregivers) are hesitant to 'bother' our busy doctors. However, in the case of a transplant recipient, it is essential to do just that.

Thank you for sharing your experience because you are helping others who are facing similar issues after their transplant procedure. 🤍

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Thank you, and we are both doing a lot better now. He has a wonderful team of doctors and nurses and so on. They can't help if they don't know. I am so glad they figured it all out. I believe we can now move forward to a full recovery. I am forever grateful for them and the people on here for listening and not judging. He is almost back to himself and I was able to keep my sanity through it all. I am just so happy to have my husband back to his happy funny and loving self again. I stayed strong, I was not going to give up on him, or on us. I love him too much. Again thank you

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@t101

Thank you, and we are both doing a lot better now. He has a wonderful team of doctors and nurses and so on. They can't help if they don't know. I am so glad they figured it all out. I believe we can now move forward to a full recovery. I am forever grateful for them and the people on here for listening and not judging. He is almost back to himself and I was able to keep my sanity through it all. I am just so happy to have my husband back to his happy funny and loving self again. I stayed strong, I was not going to give up on him, or on us. I love him too much. Again thank you

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Thank you for the update!
I share in your sense of relief.
May you have a long and happy life together!

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