Elderly parent living with me

@srdatt Oh, my. You do have a problem. How is your husband handling your mom’s presence? Just letting ‘things slide off your back’ will just make everything more difficult. An honest conversation is what’s needed. Maybe you could use this time to look for good independent senior living facilities near you. Making new living arrangements is not because she may be driving you crazy, but that she needs to be around her peers and making her own friends. Check out local senior centers to see if they have social workers or counselors who might help you. This organization has been around for years and might have good ideas/advice for you.
https://www.aplaceformom.com/
I know it’s difficult, but you have yourself, your husband and your mother to consider. Will you keep me posted on how everything goes?

In many ways your situation sounds just like mine. My husband and I moved in three years ago to help my parents with the thoughts of finding our own condo within walking distance. Unfortunately my dad passed away 6 months later and my mom (87) is unable to live alone. She has a rare neurological disease called PSP which has Parkinsonism symptoms. So I bought my moms condo and she now lives with us. I have been a caregiver for 20 years for other people and even my father in law who lived with us for two years. But this has been rough. My mom is a wonderful woman but has become a very needed person. She is now only comfortable with me caring for her and my family is happy to let me do 98% of everything. I just lost my oldest daughter and don’t even have time to myself to grieve for her. My youngest daughter is having a baby in a few weeks and I want to go visit her and it about takes an act of congress to make this happen! My mom also gets very stressed when I go away and sometimes ends up “getting sick”! I am tired, sad and frustrated of the lack of support my husband and I get. The one good thing is that she has allowed me to have caregivers come in for a few hours so I can get out and shop and do some of the things I need to get done. So I can empathize with you. I would see if you can bring some people in from outside to give you a break. Mom was very resistant to this. I told her that the goal was to keep her at home but if she feel the reality was she might not come back because I might not be able to care for her. I told her your 87 you make your own choices but you have to be aware of the consequences of your choices. One of them is the real possibility you won’t be living at home. That did help, she didn’t like either of the ladies at first but she loves them now.

I can relate. Only I don’t have a boyfriend or husband. So I can’t leave the house or have anyone over. No life what so ever. I can’t even buy stuff for the house because she says I have to wait until she dies to upgrade anything. She won’t let my close blinds or hang curtains etc. I basically live in my room which is so small it is like half the size of my room at my house I gave up. I feel like I will never have a life again.

@sherriusher, this sounds one-sided and unfair. You have to live too. Might it be possible to have a social worker help you and your mom find compromises?

My Mom's situation is complicated by the fact she has a colostomy and if we have any home health or anything then Medicare won't pay for her colostomy supplies. It is a ridiculous rule. I have tried checking into it and so far have not found a solution.

@sherriusher have you thought about talking with a Medicare advisor? This site from National Council on Aging should be able to help you find a good one in your area.
https://www.ncoa.org/article/who-is-the-best-person-to-talk-to-about-medicare
Will you try calling this week and then let me know?

I found this on Google: Ostomy supplies

Medicare Part B (Medical Insurance) covers medically necessary
ostomy supplies if you’ve had a colostomy, ileostomy, or urinary ostomy. Medicare covers the amount of supplies your doctor says you need, based on your condition.

@sherriusher I hope all s going well for you and your mom. Haven’t heard from you in a while!

They do cover certain supplies unless you have home health. When you have home health they expect home health to supply your Ostomy supplies. The problem with that is they don’t use the same supplies that each person uses. There are many types of supplies and we tried many before finding what works best for my Mom. They don’t cover things like gloves for me or bags to dispose of the pouches or baby wipes to clean the area and don’t supply enough adhesive remover wipes or adhesive wipes. I buy all the extra supplies.

I’m hanging in here. Thank you for asking. I took my Mom to see my grandson and celebrate him getting straight A’s and student of the month for responsibility. While nice to get out of the house it is hard to get Mom in and out of the car etc. plus I was tired after working all day. I work from home.