Does anyone feel old and useless with age?

Posted by sally12345 @sally12345, Sep 13, 2023

Hi, I'm almost 64.. I'm feeling old and useless. My strength isn't good anymore. Like it used to be mainly side effects of meds. My health is poor with cvsd. Osteoporosis, poor circulation, hearing , eyesight, you name it's going. I always took care of myself. Now I've gotten older and everything's wrong, my grandkids don't a want me around and they are little still. No friends to talk with or do things with. Why is it we spend our lifetime taking care of family. Loving friends to end up , old and tired. Useless.

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@pkh3381

I really like you, from your posts. You sound like a really nice guy with a lot of insight to offer others. I love your appreciation and gratitude for what you have. You are truly a blessed man, you know.
P

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Thank you. Yes, you are so right -- I am blessed in so many ways.

Sometimes pain, frustration, and discouragement cause me to forget that fact, but I am soon reminded of it.

As for me being a nice guy...well, some might argue. But thank you for saying that!

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@scottrl

While I can't help with the feeling old part, after having a stroke I felt not only useless but helpless.

After regaining some basic abilities, I began to think in terms of what I *could* do.

For example, I used to do professional narration. The stroke affected my speech for a while, but now I sound okay (if not great). Here's a sample of work I've done in the past (3 minutes):


I have a friend who's legally blind. She's in her 80s, but stays active and enjoys taking online classes. Problem is, her text-to-speech system can't interpret the training materials . So I read and describe the slides to her. I make recordings and email them to her.

It gives me something to do, and helps her out a lot. Not earth-shattering, but better than nothing.

Is there some ability that you have that someone else needs?

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Scott, I so enjoyed your post. Perhaps expressing gratitude for the life we have been given, regardless of the challenges, provides us a window to appreciate life. i.e. Grateful for being born in the US, having the parents I had, being a Mayo patient, etc. Trust me, I do have complaints, but I prefer to focus on "Good Stuff."

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@smitty38

Scott, I so enjoyed your post. Perhaps expressing gratitude for the life we have been given, regardless of the challenges, provides us a window to appreciate life. i.e. Grateful for being born in the US, having the parents I had, being a Mayo patient, etc. Trust me, I do have complaints, but I prefer to focus on "Good Stuff."

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Thank you!

In terms of gratitude, I consider the alternatives. For example, I knew someone who saw the worst in every situation. "Things have to get better. They can't get any worse!" was a common phrase.

Actually, they could have gotten a lot worse.

As you point out, we live in a great country. Most people never have to worry about having shelter, or food, or physical security, or clean water, or... or...

When they forget that, or feel deprived because they don't have a Lexus or a 70" TV or whatever, they're laying the foundation for a life of unhappiness.

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@sueborfl

Very revealing and I hope you can find peace and serenity very soon. Group support may help. My daughter has been given many dx’s of true clinical depression of varying degrees since a young child. She blames us now that she is in her early 50s for her mental predicaments and has cut us off.
We - my husband of 56 yrs- have had an unusually stressful life and marriage with family members including the loss of our youngest daughter in a car accident and a fire that burned our entire pre war apartment building including our apartment of 37 yrs to its foundation in 2019. We are trying to adapt at our ages in our mid 70s but at times my Lyme disease and my husband’s chronic heart disease has limits! I’m reaching out to an approved Lyme disease specialist for psychiatric help now. It’s not easy here in Florida. I miss my old routine outside and north of Manhattan in our beautiful village horribly. Good luck. My father used to say- getting older ain’t for sissies!!!!!

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Hello, that'sounds very sad. Some of us have so much on our plates .I wish you luck as well.

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Prayers sent. I am 64 also. I had a large growth surgically removed from my thigh a few years ago that seemed to develop from a bad dog bite I had over 10 years ago. It left a pretty big hole in my leg but it healed up but it has a huge scar and I feel it’s still healing and the muscle mass will take another 64 years to catch up. I do appreciate still having my leg however. I have back problems. I was in 2 accidents to do with my back and my hip. One when I was a child and one when my daughter was an infant. My biggest complaint is that I don’t feel appreciated. I always can find something to do. Being unappreciated hurts the most. I am married to a 76 year old man for over 40 years and who thinks I should still be able to act like I did when I was 20.

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Sally12345, since I had this large growth removed from my leg a few years ago, the University hospital where I had it done asked me if I wanted to be a part of a Causal Study thru their Redcap Team where they will follow me for 6 years. (They are calling it a Sarcoma Cancer.) Upon them asking me it actually brought tears to my eyes because I didn’t think anyone cared. (Very few of my relatives or friends even reach out to me to ask me how I am doing since that surgery.) I notice the university hospital on their website has a Research area where one can sign up for that. That might be an idea for you too for any of your health issues. At least I feel appreciated there. Maybe you could be too.

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@liv38556

Prayers sent. I am 64 also. I had a large growth surgically removed from my thigh a few years ago that seemed to develop from a bad dog bite I had over 10 years ago. It left a pretty big hole in my leg but it healed up but it has a huge scar and I feel it’s still healing and the muscle mass will take another 64 years to catch up. I do appreciate still having my leg however. I have back problems. I was in 2 accidents to do with my back and my hip. One when I was a child and one when my daughter was an infant. My biggest complaint is that I don’t feel appreciated. I always can find something to do. Being unappreciated hurts the most. I am married to a 76 year old man for over 40 years and who thinks I should still be able to act like I did when I was 20.

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My greatest source of feeling good about myself comes from Myself because I truly know more about myself -- my strengths and weaknesses. If I find an insight in Addition to what the essay said, for example, I feel good about it. If I find there was a weakness in the way an argument was made in an article because of logical error I feel good having discovered it myself -- of course it's a lot more fun to be able to discuss such things with a fellow human, which I lack but working toward it daily. At the minimum I try to do what's in my control to keep myself mentally and physically in shape. After all one cannot get from others what they can't, won't, or too incompetent to give, right! Certainly No fb friends for me if they don't even know me.

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I read this stunning quote by Augusto Cury:
"A person doesn't die when his heart stops beating; he dies when the world tells him he is no longer of any value."

When my 5 children and 17 grandchildren rarely communicate with me, and I am an isolated caregiver 24/7, I begin to question my value. Self actualization is nearly impossible. Bucket list? Forget it.

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@liv38556

Prayers sent. I am 64 also. I had a large growth surgically removed from my thigh a few years ago that seemed to develop from a bad dog bite I had over 10 years ago. It left a pretty big hole in my leg but it healed up but it has a huge scar and I feel it’s still healing and the muscle mass will take another 64 years to catch up. I do appreciate still having my leg however. I have back problems. I was in 2 accidents to do with my back and my hip. One when I was a child and one when my daughter was an infant. My biggest complaint is that I don’t feel appreciated. I always can find something to do. Being unappreciated hurts the most. I am married to a 76 year old man for over 40 years and who thinks I should still be able to act like I did when I was 20.

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Men always want us to stay the same , like when we were young. I was married at 16 married for 38 yrs. Never heard a thank you or I'm sorry. Nothing...these men don't appreciate us. Until it's too late. That is a topic I could go on about.....but we aren't 16 or 25 or 40..we have children and we age. And our health fails because we took such relentless care of others.

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@scottrl

Thank you!

In terms of gratitude, I consider the alternatives. For example, I knew someone who saw the worst in every situation. "Things have to get better. They can't get any worse!" was a common phrase.

Actually, they could have gotten a lot worse.

As you point out, we live in a great country. Most people never have to worry about having shelter, or food, or physical security, or clean water, or... or...

When they forget that, or feel deprived because they don't have a Lexus or a 70" TV or whatever, they're laying the foundation for a life of unhappiness.

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I sense we are on The Same Page. I find when I keep my head where my feet are, I do better. Not perfect, but better. When I Future Trip, I take myself to challenging places. Places that may not ever present themselves.

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