1. < Just Want to Talk

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

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itchyd | @itchyd | Oct 12, 2023

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To display its pedestrian values.

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itchyd | @itchyd | Oct 12, 2023

Did you hear about the apiarist who got busted for selling fake honey?

He was caught in a sting operation.

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itchyd | @itchyd | Oct 12, 2023

Why did the mallard drop his health insurance policy?

He couldn't afford the de-duck-tables.

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itchyd | @itchyd | Oct 12, 2023

TRADE JOKE

Why did the pirate add more insulation to his house?

He wanted to increase the Arrrr factor.

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rashida | @rashida | Oct 12, 2023

Still laughing at this one.

Hypnotist at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Center.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show … Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time!" said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.

"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch," said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.

"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations," said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting

“Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch - -!”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

They were hypnotized.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact".

"SHIT!!" said Claude.

It took them three days to clean up the Senior Citizens' Center. And, Claude was never invited back again.

REPLY
1 reply
annewoodmayo | @annewoodmayo | Oct 12, 2023
In reply to @itchyd "When choosing an exorcist, Id take some time and do your homework before pecking one. A..." + (show)
@itchyd

When choosing an exorcist, Id take some time and do your homework before pecking one. A lot of them aren't what they're cracked up to be and the good ones don't come cheep.
Nope, they don't work for chicken feed.
Better be ready to shell out.

Jump to this post

itchyd-- impressive pun-ishment about the egg-sorcist.

kamama-- you started it!

thanks for the laughs!

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annewoodmayo | @annewoodmayo | Oct 12, 2023
In reply to @rashida "Still laughing at this one. Hypnotist at the Senior Center It was entertainment night at the..." + (show)
@rashida

Still laughing at this one.

Hypnotist at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Center.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show … Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time!" said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.

"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch," said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.

"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations," said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting

“Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch - -!”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

They were hypnotized.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact".

"SHIT!!" said Claude.

It took them three days to clean up the Senior Citizens' Center. And, Claude was never invited back again.

Jump to this post

Claude the hypnotist joke- gross (but still funny)! My husband loved it,

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1 reply
annewoodmayo | @annewoodmayo | Oct 12, 2023
In reply to @dorisjeanne "This is much more than you asked for! Sorry!! I am alone here most of the..." + (show)
@dorisjeanne

This is much more than you asked for! Sorry!! I am alone here most of the time ; so sometimes get a little too much. One of my neighbors told me I should write my autobio! Nah! Too old now; I never really did anything unusual. But thanks for asking!

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Hi, Doris Jeanne!

You have had an interesting life! Please don't apologize; you got 7 reactions, so at least 7 of us are interested in what you write : ) !

I'm sorry it took me a few days to reply. I'm back in physical therapy, and it wears me out. It's good but exhausting.

What was the mountain top school like? (I am a retired teacher, too, but always in a suburban school. I loved it, but I had to leave because of illness.) How many students? How many teachers?

I agree with your neighbor! Write it down!

Anne

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1 reply
itchyd | @itchyd | Oct 12, 2023
In reply to @annewoodmayo "Claude the hypnotist joke- gross (but still funny)! My husband loved it," + (show)
@annewoodmayo

Claude the hypnotist joke- gross (but still funny)! My husband loved it,

Jump to this post

Good one!

The other day I told my pal that I know 288 shit jokes and he said, "Holy shit! That's two gross!"

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Doris Jeanne W. | @dorisjeanne | Oct 13, 2023
In reply to @annewoodmayo "Hi, Doris Jeanne! You have had an interesting life! Please don't apologize; you got 7 reactions,..." + (show)
@annewoodmayo

Hi, Doris Jeanne!

You have had an interesting life! Please don't apologize; you got 7 reactions, so at least 7 of us are interested in what you write : ) !

I'm sorry it took me a few days to reply. I'm back in physical therapy, and it wears me out. It's good but exhausting.

What was the mountain top school like? (I am a retired teacher, too, but always in a suburban school. I loved it, but I had to leave because of illness.) How many students? How many teachers?

I agree with your neighbor! Write it down!

Anne

Jump to this post

annewoodmayo; thank you for your interest! As for the small school: I loved it, except for the pay: one of the lowest in the state, but an excellent retirement program!
I had a varied size of students each year; both 5th and 6th grades. Largest was about 28 and smallest was 12 (only 2 in 6th that year.
I taught all subjects, combining only science, art, music. I used 5th Science book one year and 6th the next, since students were same usually. Couldn't do that in Math, language arts, social studies.
I retired at 60, as my husband (COPD) had open heart surgery , then lung surgery the next year. I didn't know how long he had, but he lived til 2014...17 more years! THANK GOD!!

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