Feeling lonely and crying

NC is beautiful. I am 71. When I look back, my family directed most if not all my decisions. As a child, I remember wanting to never marry and just travel. Maybe live in New York City! My parents had other plans for me. I couldn't go to college because I was just supposed to find a man, marry, have children and the man would take care of me. What a line of bull that was! Now I don't blame my family anymore because I was a victim of the times and the social & cultural expectations for women in general. I 'blame' myself for not having enough rebellion in me. Oh, I did rebel but paid a heavy price for it every time I did. So, I fell in line eventually. I nursed both my parents until they died. That was my role. After they died, I got to know finally who I am. My family calls me selfish for being this way. Doesn't bother me. They can call me whatever they want. I have little to do with them. I love to travel. Health does keep me from traveling. I don't like to travel alone, but I will be at the end of this month. I have thought about going on a cruise by myself and meeting people on a cruise. I hope this helps.

I sure would love to have friends where we each find the other's company not only a brief pleasant encounter -- though often it will start that way -- ultimately we want deeper engaging meaningful connection where we could trust the other with our deepest concerns whether they happen to be personal, about neighborhood, country or the world and life itself. For this reason I attend lectures in libraries where you have already a common interest as a starting connecting idea. But we also all like different things and that makes us More interesting, especially if you too are interested to explore that area. In other words we need to be Authentic, beyond being pleasant, to deepen connections.
I have gone to meetup.com groups and I know they hold periodic meetings and one can join with others with similarly inclined hobbies and pastimes or discussions.
I am also going to post an ad in a local newspaper for people to band together and exchange how they maintain healthy lifestyle, an in interest that I practice and enjoy daily. I often do stairs in my apartment building even with ten lbs of groceries walking up and down as many floors (today I did seven fllors and I was panting after four but continued for another three and I checked my heartbeat: 12 in five seconds on a 8 decades old frame. I do not use any meds and have some pain sometimes in my knees but I do lots of stretching, strengthening, twisting just about every day. Feels good to have restful sleep and aiming for a purposeful life which gives me direction for each day too.
We can eat well, be active, even use our mental and emotional faculties but we also need good friends to laugh with and share our vulnerabilities. I sure do. And that's why I spend nine times the effort to find one in my neighborhood and only brief amount to share some general info here at Mayo. I really do wish us all healthy enjoyable connections.

Unitarian Churches are the place to go if you’re not a church member? Can Christians attend services?

I have anxiety that developed 28 months after a brain hemorrhage.
Haemorrhage happened at a Pilates class after 28 months I was ready to go back because I had 28 months of joy good exercise, healthy everything ended up being just great. I have lost my hearing in my sight and I got it all back and then boom anxiety set in right after I went to
afterward to Pilates.

It’s been 14 months of different medication‘s therapies now I’ve developed heartburn and I’m sick and tired of it. Sometimes I feel really long sometimes I feel really sick. I’ve had maybe three days in the past 14 months where I felt normal. I need help I have a doctor who’s working really hard but he’s the medical model and I have a counsellor who’s really good who’s going to try something new today but I love walking with my friends and going out for dinner with my friends and doing fun things with my husband and I’m really missing at all because the damn anxiety is getting in the way.
And now I am up so much of the night taking stuff for heartburn so I’m missing sleep

I am so lonely and cry a lot. My spouse of 47 years has found on line porn as his outlet. He has nothing to do with me anymore. I am so broken.

So very true. The builders are killing our forest clear cutting to build hundreds of cookie cutter homes for the thousands. Our roads are not set up for all this traffic.

No regard for wildlife . . . and complaints about flooding and wild animals on their properties. If their homes were destroyed, they would be living anywhere they could find to try to survive, too. Actually, there are people living in the woods now. Homeless. The developers have no regard for any life whatsoever. This is the world we live in. No decent health care, no decent mental health care. Sometimes I think I should spend my 'golden years' hibernating, not watching any news, be a hermit, have everything delivered instead of going anywhere. Just let nature take its course. Peace and quiet. My heart hurts when I see or read about cruelty. I have always been like this. I do not understand it.

I will be 75 next year. I am so glad to be on the down side of my life. I would go to some place far away and be a hermit also.

You are not the 'broken' one. I am not saying your hubs is 'the broken one,' or broken either. What I will say is what he is participating in has absolutely nothing to do with you. It is his 'thing.' May I suggest forming some healthy relationships with family and friends? Find the answer to your loneliness and leave him to do 'his thing.'