Debilitating dread

I wish I could provide and answer to you, and myself.
Am sure another commenter can explain but "dread" is a good word for how I also feel but it's mixed up with anxiety/depression/phobias/fear etc. In my humble opinion, dread of going to the dentist for a filling, to me, is different from dread of having to phone and make an appointment to get my hair cut (new hairdresser will he/she come to house etc. etc. i.e. "worry" ?.
Not sure if this makes sense but I have generalized anxiety on top of numerous illnesses not a good mix... but when my physical ailments are giving me a rest, my anxiety/dread/worrying about "everything" is not so heavy: just doesn't last! Am curious to read the comments..... Best wishes to you, J.

@1k194

Have you worked with someone to get to the root cause of the way you think and handle stressors?

What is your physical health and social community like?

"Dread" is pretty accurate description of the combination of anxiety and depression that washes over me every morning at about 5 am. This is a non-specific, existential kind of horror that started over two years ago with a cancer diagnosis and a concurrent traumatic break-up. I feel like the life force has been syphoned out of me...

...sorry cannot remember his exact words as many years ago, but after cancer treatment and big drug reaction; return home and very upset/depression, the psychiatrist I saw (who later moved back to Australia) said something along the lines of it is different/easier? to treat depression stemming from an incident (such as cancer, and in your case, break-up); than it is when there has been no relatively recent trauma.. again, sorry for not recalling those words many years ago; but I read into it that while maybe not "normal" it is not unexpected to be depressed, anxious etc. after a major life incident...and what is major to one person may not be to another..... at the time it did put it into perspective. Unfortunately, it seemed every few years another "trauma" took place and have been on a bit of a roller coaster ever since Dread/anxiety/illness/trauma/depression... certainly no quick fix IMO and I wish the best for you... and someone with the knowledge to help you.

I used to wake up every morning with that dread that wash over me plus I cried so easily , then one day I went into complete meltdown I had never in my life experience anything like that, for a week I was so weak I couldn’t hardly walk across the room plus I couldn’t eat anything. I went to my Dr and he put me on depression anxiety medication it took about 2 weeks before I felt any better that has been 9 years ago and I’m still taking them because I don’t ever want to feel like that again . I don’t particularly like taking them because they mess with my emotions but I weigh the difference of feeling the other way and I manage so much better with the pill . I don’t know if I inherited this or not my mother committed suicide, but I’ve myself have experienced to much trama in my life so that could have brought it on . The other thing that helps me tremendously is my savior Jesus Christ I don’t know if that’s allowed on here but I couldn’t make it without him . I hope you find peace and the right way to cope with that

Thank you all very much. This forum is kinda my last ditch effort to reach out for support.

It seems like every time I try to “get help” I end up feeling even more beat down &/or sorry that I confided.

I have talked to a therapist. I was on antidepressants for a few years. But I feel like I’m just circling the drain; some days nearer the top, some days the bottom.

Things I have &/or am dealing with: dysfunctional family; family history of depression, anxiety, drug abuse, suicide attempts, self harm, personality disorders (I suspect so anyway);
in myself: depression, anxiety, self loathing, self harm, being a weak coward, (i could go on with that thread but won’t). My parents both have degenerative diseases; I try to be caregiver but am falling short.

I know it sounds selfish, but all I want in the world is to live in my house with my husband (the only person I’m hanging in there for) and my fur babies and leave the entire rest of the world behind. But even the joy in those things are being “syphoned” out of me. (like you said esikora). Im angry all the time and can’t feel happiness anymore.

....why do you feel more beat down after you have confided, just wondering... I have had suicide ideology most of my life and am thinking about it most days now ... .but its more of a "I cant go on like this" with feelings etc, but once a week I confide in "social worker" on zoom and after that hour have the same issues but the old saying: a trouble shared is a trouble halved." It doesnt last, to be honest with you, but it is an hour of what is important to "me" .... family loves me and as you, I hang on for them, but I know they have heard enough.. I try and not talk about it, but the next thing I am doing is saying how I feel and they do not have the skills to "say the right thing" so a bit unfair to them... yes it feels like we are going around in circles and with additional physcial issues (glaucoma, previous cancer, fecal incontinence, migraines, peripheral neuropathy, face pain, fatigue - issues many people here have, and hard to get a dr appointment after covid) it just all adds up to "too much"... only things can help are medications and I try not to take many and cognitive behavioural therapy which is had to "smell the roses" when one feel they are in a garbage pail ! I so wish I could turn my negative thoughts into positive ones... no dont cure illness or family troubles, but sometimes " a little bit goes a long way " - hope you get some positive reinforcement from people here, we are all only human after all 💗💙

Nothing selfish about wanting to live in peace with your husband and fur babies...
Women,in particular, sometimes feel they must meet some "standard" and get taken advantage of. Then they feel guilty when they get angry...
Peace be with you.

I also have an anxiety disorder and I feel the same dread. I have nightmares. I obsess constantly. I worry about things that happened 20 years ago. I have to tell myself it doesn't matter. But still the thoughts torment me. I took Ativan but my newest psychiatrist told me I was drug addict. So I totally empathize.

I wonder how many books have been written on the subject of anxiety disorders and such. Sorry I am not as learned as some commentators on here, and find it hard to explain sometimes; but am beginning to wonder if we were almost "distined" to anxiety, worry, emotional responses? Sort of "nature/nurture? combined? Only our generation faces and face different situations/stress/issues that our previous ones.. that our natural parents had to face? My Mum was cheerful, almost self- educated and went to work so our standard of living would be higher, but not that high...and I didnt think of her as a worrier until later in both our lives; and I think my Dad had issues - his childhood was never spoken about esp in front of children but I know he missed a lot of school due to an accident when a child - but it wasnt talked about... but something would upset him and he wouldnt talk to my Mum and us for a few days and then pop into the room, rubbing his hands and wondering "what's for tea (supper)" with a big smile... I realize their behaviours was not shocking, abusive no drinking and such, but perhaps the "bad things" in their personalities were passed down to me .... a shy nervous thin child, a bit of a loner etc. and wondered what everyone thought of me.... again not a major problem then but my life of being bossed around by people and trying to cope with abusive first husband and moving to another country as a teen, alone, etc. although I didnt feel depressed or anxious, there was something within me ... or like part of me was missing. I was easy to please and did not cause problems for anyone but lonely and again worrying about everything.. wont go on as hard to explain and not that interesting a read... but why and how is it that some folk from the time they are young almost to death are so happy go lucky and roll with the punches and don't worry about anything ... etc? Were they "born that way?"