No more Driving

So exciting, except for your husband! It is a big step forward for all of you and such a relief not to worry about his driving any more!
My husband has suddenly told me he doesn’t want to lose his license and is trying to make me believe he has no problem. I am slowing down making the appointment for the test and I am doing all the driving - although under duress because of his yelling at me for every move I make while driving!
Waiting to hear about the results of your husband’s driving test!

All is better. Hubby was evaluated at home. I’ve been driving him everywhere the past 2 weeks and forever. Getting rid of his car in a couple of weeks!

Congratulations!
A driving test at home is less stressful for everyone. Did they tell you the results yet? Do they notify DMV of the results? How is your hubby reacting to the decision?
I lost my temper the other day with my hubby when he was telling me how to drive again! I’m always ashamed of myself when I get so angry and I knew I was going to get mad - my nerves are shot. Worrying about his Dementia and his heart failure, I am a nervous wreck. I am starting to perform meditations to calm me down.
Prayers for you and your hubby.

I think my husband lost part of his identity when he was no longer able to drive. He had driven for 70 years and was proud that he had never gotten a ticket or caused a car accident. However, I finally told my husband that I was just as sad that I had to do all of the driving as he was and to please stop criticizing me. I told him half joking and half seriously that if he kept it up he would have to call Uber to get transportation to his appointments. He is not criticizing me as much. He actually told me that I was learning to drive better. He could not remember that I have driven for over 50 years.

I am glad that my husbands neurologist came right out and said that he could not drive. I am afraid that if he had taken a driving test that he could have passed. What if he all of a sudden forgot the difference between a red and green light? Also, he has hallucinations and I would worry about how that could affect his driving.

Janet, that's anger is a perfectly natural reaction. My husband still drives, and should be able to do so for some time in familiar circumstances, but has gotten to the point where any road closure, etc makes him quite irritated. He also refuses to signal when he wants to change lanes, saying the other drivers won't let him in anyways -drives me crazy to go past our exit and backtrack because he is so stubborn! So far, I haven't seen real unsafe moves like hesitating in traffic or missing stop signals or pedestrians, but I am ever vigilant for it as we mainly live in two metro areas with a great deal of traffic.
He is also well into telling me how to drive, where to turn, when to stop or go, but when I say one word to him, he blows up. I used to react, but I have now internalized it and deep breathe. I also tune out his endless directions, but when friends are with us, it drives them crazy.

I have lived through dementia with a number of family members, including his Dad, and am praying I am just hypervigilant, and it is not what I am seeing in him.
Stay strong and breathe deeply!
Sue

My good friend’s husband was diagnosed with dementia by a physician. After that, my friend noticed he was making mistakes and forgetting things while driving. She demanded he stop driving. After a year, he was evaluated by a neurologist. He does not have dementia. He was severely depressed. Now he is driving again. When you think someone has dementia you can see normal things as aberrant.
Just a warning to be very sure what is going on before you take someone’s freedoms away. Also, everyone’s reaction times slow as they age. That is why they have Senior Jeopardy.

My husband had 2 strokes after his heart surgery and his Neurologist confirms this by taking MRI tests on a regular basis. These strokes are what started the Dementia. He has had several symptoms since and recently he was referred by the same doctor for a Dementia Evaluation program where it was confirmed he has Dementia. The driving test also referred by the same doctor will determine if my husband can continue to drive. We have taken all the tests and necessary steps to determine his disease.
No matter what causes a person to drive carelessly and be able to cause a disastrous accident with loss of life should be driving. If tests prove otherwise, I would still have to go with him while he is driving or drive myself. By monitoring my husband for his disease, I am taking responsibility for his safety sake and the safety of others.

Thank you for your advice and understanding. I will try the deep-breathing technique when I feel I am losing it.

The neurologist we had in North Carolina said she would notify the DMV when I told her it was time for my husband to stop driving. Not sure about Illinois as the neurologist here hasn’t offered to do that. Perhaps laws are different. I do know the driver evaluation can be expensive here.

We had same problem with my mother in law who refused to stop driving. We sent a letter to DMV informing them of our concern and they in turn sent her a drivers test letter. She hadn’t read a drivers manuals since 1935 and wasn’t going to start. She thought she was only doing the driving part and not an actual computer test. She failed after being given 3 chances and even after losing her license at 89 she was still driving. We sold the car instead. We couldn’t live with her killing someone else let alone possibly herself.