I struggle with emotions regarding my husband’s forgetfulness.

I did a lot of research about local companies, the type of care provided, cost, reputation, talked to people who had care by different companies, and chatted with social workers and doctors. The company I can leaning toward does everything from caregiving (staying with my husband while I am gone for errands) to hospice; they’re reasonable, have a great reputation from customers and doctors. I will try them out on me when I have shoulder surgery in July. What kind of dementia does your husband have, Teri? Currently, my husband can’t retrieve words, has hallucinations, walks slower, can’t differentiate between similar colors, and his peripheral sight is narrowing. I speak in short sentences and never put more than one idea before him at a time! My only request from people who want to help is to converse with me as often as possible! I could go crazy otherwise!

I clearly understand what you are going through, the feeling of shame because of your response, a sense of failure, and frustration. I prayed a lot for forgiveness and for self control. My dear wife of 47× years is extremely forgetful.
What I've learned is that it is the disease that causes her behavior and not the person. She's frustrated with herself as well. Fortunately, for her, she does not remember her behavior nor her frustration. Of course, that,'s no help to me.
What helped me to adjust to the forgetfulness is to think of her as a four year old person. What would you expect of a four year old girl and how would you respond to her behavior. This has helped me immensely to reduce my frequency of frustration and level of stress. A four year old cannot rationalize or fully understand as yet, so I avoid doing so with my wife.
My wide is in a four-year-old world of thinking and behaving. I try to learn about her world through observation and experience. I focus on giving her love and affection and learn to work with and around her forgetfulness. Giving her explanations, corrections and instructions do not work.
Be kind, forgiving and patient with yourself. You will make mistakes and will feel frustration. You have a new world, the world that your husband is living in to fault of his own or yours.
Peace be with you, Teri.

Dear Caregivers,
This seems like a good discussion in which to share a new book I recently discovered at the public library. It's "Travelers to Unimaginable Lands; Stories of Dementia, The Caregiver, And The Human Brain", by Dasha Kiper. This book focuses on the caregiver. Much of the kindness & occasional humor that comes through the author's words reminds me of the late Oliver Sacks's work. (The author leans on some of his books throughout). Like this Support Group, the book contains the stories of caregivers. It provides as well accessible analysis about OUR (we caregivers) responses to our loved one with dementia & ideas about where they come from. I have found this thoughtful book to be so illuminating & helpful. I hope that other caregivers in this group will find it helpful as well.
Be kind to yourselves, everyone!

I still get frustrated when I have to keep repeating because of my husbands forgetfulness or when he acknowledges what I'm saying but then doesn't act on it, so i have to take deep breaths and keep telling myself that he can't help it. It's like the movie 50 First Dates... everything is new again the next day and the day after and the day after. I miss our sitting around just chatting and laughing and getting silly with each other, We used to sit and talk about what the plans would be for the weekend, and now I just mention whats gonna happen, to keep him in the loop so there wont be any surprises for him, but i know i'll have to remind him the day of, cuz he doesn't remember that talk and i've accepted all of it without any complaints cuz this is how it plays out now and I just roll with it. The hardest part of this for me is how we don't "talk" anymore...about anything and everything. One of the things I fell in love with was his ability to tell stories... his life experiences...his childhood...his love of serving in the Army...the 2 step sons he helped raised before his divorce. I just SO much miss about hearing his voice and it making sense. The hardest part to partaking in conversations is that he doesn't use a lot of nouns, it's alot of "this" and "that" and "those", etc. and I read that it is very common.

Dear Caregivers,
This seems like a good discussion in which to share a new book I recently discovered at the public library. It's "Travelers to Unimaginable Lands; Stories of Dementia, The Caregiver, And The Human Brain", by Dasha Kiper. This book focuses on the caregiver. Much of the kindness & occasional humor that comes through the author's words reminds me of the late Oliver Sacks's work. (The author leans on some of his books throughout). Like this Support Group, the book contains the stories of caregivers. It provides as well accessible analysis about OUR (we caregivers) responses to our loved one with dementia & ideas about where they come from. I have found this thoughtful book to be so illuminating & helpful. I hope that other caregivers in this group will find it helpful as well.
Be kind to yourselves, everyone!

My husband has had mixed dementia (vascular/Alzheimer’s) for 10+ years. He’s now at the point of - at times not knowing who I am, being very affectionate and expressing his love for me, at times being very angry, calling me nasty names and blaming me for things that he can’t explain. He has trouble finding words. Sometimes I can help, other times I have no idea what he’s trying to say. Then he just gives up.
On the plus side, he can use the bathroom appropriately, dress himself, eats well, makes the bed (sort of) and walks, although his knees are painful so he walks very slowly. The 36 hour Day is one book that’s recommended quite often and Teepa Snow’s videos on you tube are very helpful.I am also on the Alzheimer’s online support group and am part of a small Skype support group. My family is very supportive, especially one daughter. Graditude for the abilities that haven’t left him yet is what keeps me going.