Do pictures of your loved ones hurt or help?

Hello- I just lost my husband on April 10th and for the first month, I could not look at a photo of David. I thought the picture chosen for his obit didn't even look like him. But it does now that I have a bit of a distance from his death. I only have a few photos around the house. They were taken with other family members. I didn't take any photos of him when he was ill or in hospice. I don't think that he would have liked it. I don't want those days to be a reminder of our 45 years together. They were an intense loving time but they were also a very short time in his life and our life together. But that was my choice. Everyone has to make up their own mind, and I think that you did before your friend did what she thought was a kind act. You never know what people will do "out of kindness."

I couldn't look at David's photo for many weeks. It made me miss him so very much and even now it makes me so sad. But angry too. His illness was very short, and we thought that we had much more time, but there was a lot left for me to do. I don't want to do them and resent it. lol, a lot I can do about it now but take one task at a time.

During his illness, I broke my back and had to have oxygen for another reason. I also knew that I had to have vascular surgery but had to put it off. One night he slipped off the bed because of a silky comforter. He had vascular dementia so his legs were very stiff and I couldn't get them to move. It took us an hour to finally get him to crawl and get his arms on the bed. There I was with a broken back, and oxygen rolling around on the floor with my husband! The only thing that we could do was laugh, wishing that it had been for another reason!

It's difficult to tell you how I'm handling it. I can tell you that one of my doctors increased an antidepressant because I asked for help. Hospice offered counseling and I accepted the offer. I force myself to get up every morning and do things or not. I have canceled going to my sister's for dinner because I' was too sad and it reminded me so much of going there as a couple. But I force myself to at least try to go now. I only can be around people who I feel safe with, people who I have known for ages and who have known David.

And I'm on here. This is my first post, I think since I've lost David. Thank you for listening.

I found it really hard to look at pictures of my mom, when she first passed away, I still find it hard, when she first passed I put pictures away, I also have embroidery pictures that she had on her walls at her home, that I haven’t put up yet, her mom made them which was my nana, I just can’t do it, as of yet, maybe someday and I feel so bad because I know she would want them up on my wall. It’s just to painful, I have her dresser in my garage and just can’t have it the bedroom, it hurts to much. I’m just not ready.

After almost two years, I have put a really wonderful picture of my husband on a pier table in my dining area. He looks so good and so alive! I have mixed emotions when I look at it. I have made it into a mini shrine in that I like to have a vase of flowers nearby. I do have a therapist to help me. But we were married such a long time - 59 years, I am trying very hard to stay in our home and be independent. But in just a couple of short months I will be 89 years old. Thank goodness I am in pretty good health for my age and can still drive and get around. Every once in a while he will come to me in my dreams. I feel so good when I awake in the morning. Life is hard now but I am trying to cope.

My 28 yr old daughter died of fentanyl poisoning in 2017. Seeing her photos do bring sadness and tears for her loss. But I feel if I don't look at her photos, it's like a denial of her life. I believe in the after life. And I truly believe that one day I will see her again. I remind myself of this when the pain feels to much to bear. I yearn to heart someone say her name or to talk about memories of her. They keep her alive. It's easier sometimes not to see the photos and think of her but she is my child and my love for her continues after death. The photos and memories are what I have left of her to remind me until I'm with her again.

I am so sorry for your loss. In my religion we say May Her Memory Be a Blessing. I am sure it will be for you.

I don't like to hear you say that. Evey day the sun rises and could, if you let it, put a smile on your face. "Here" is where you are and I hope you will try harder to find a reason to stay with the rest of us who may be sad, ill, or just plane lonely. We are ALL hear to hear you and help you get through what ever you need. Have a pleasant day looking out of your windows at others, dogs being walked, kittys running around and babies being strolled. I wish you the best. Stay on this site and see what love can be found and sent to you.

How about 89 is the new 60? That's what I tell myself all day every day. 80 is the new 60.

I thought that having photos of the love of my life, who passed away were too sad to be kept in my home with a new husband. His wife passed away, as well, so one day we both took all of our photos of our former spouses and burned them with each of us saying prayers during this ceremony where we both shed tears. I am now sorry I did not keep one photos of this special, handsome man. He may be sorry too. I don't know and won't ask.

Too late now. Have a good day all.

As a post script: I know I will see my love when I join him in Heaven and that make me happy.

@thisismarilynb
I know that we are all different and grieve in various ways. For me, pictures and their wonderful memories. If I didn't have the pictures I believe for me, that the grief would last longer and be more intense and prolonged. So I find the pictures at this point far outweigh any sadness and bring me peace and comfort.
Jake

I do have pictures. There was another lady who said she and her new husband destroyed the pictures of their former spouses. My grief is lasting much longer than usual but for different reasons. We were married for a long time. I am quite old but still have my brain power. I don't have other diseases and may live many more years, but I don't want to. When I say that everyone jumps to the conclusion that I have said I am going to commit suicide. I wonder why that is? Nothing is further from my mind. I don't want to live longer because there is now nothing to look forward to. We travelled a lot and came back from our last cruise in March, 2020. You know what happened right after that. We had another cruise booked and I had to cancel it. Now there will be no more cruises which we both loved and enjoyed. Now there will be no more anything. I have a vase by his picture and keep flowers in it. Sometimes it makes me smile, but more often than not I cry because of all I have lost. So far no peace and comfort. Today was an especially bad day for me. I hope that tomorrow will be better and I can at least get the will to leave the house for an hour.