Loss: I am stuck in the "angry" stage. How can I move on?

My thoughts and prayers are with you. In my experience as a health care provider and a daughter who has lost both parents, I have learned that grief is as complicated as physics, as unique as your fingerprint and as individual as a snowflake. But I believe we are given the tools to find a way to work through the anger and to process loss and grief. We are created as a unique person by a loving God. So it makes sense to me that the tools we are given to manage our lives are also unique. Trust that you will find the answer to dealing with your anger and the path will be revealed. Don’t hesitate to seek out the help you need. Life is a blessing.

Thank you for your kind and sensible words.

While I’ve never had a sibling end their life, I’ve had friends who lost a sibling to suicide. There seems to be a common
theme, in that, they feel the only way out of their physical or emotional pain is to end their life. I can empathize with anyone whose lost a love
one this way, because there is no way to undo it. There is such a high rate of suicide in this country, and more needs to be done to help these poor souls, because they are not able to help themselves. The hate you have right now will
eventually give way to acceptance; it doesn’t happen
overnight. Give it time, your feelings are still raw.

It’s okay to be angry. God sees your heart it hurting. If you have a pastor, speak to him/her. I don’t think your brother was in the right state of mental health. God sees that also and He understands. Perhaps after your anger, you will find forgiveness. Forgiveness is never for what the other person did. It is for ourselves, so that we will feel better. God bless you. Remember… God loves you so very, very much.

@mikaylar

Wow, you're going through a lot.

My sister died of natural cause last year , when I could not get ahold of her, I was able to break into her condo and found her dead in bed. She left a mess legally, financially and a mess to clean up. When I should of been feeling the loss of my sister, I was furious and angry. Which them made me feel guilty.

As much as I want to ignore everything related to her death, until it is dealt with, there will not be closure.

I go back and forth between maybe I could of done something to help her, then I remind myself I tried, but she was mentally ill and refused help.

No will, no spouse or children, so heirs are her siblings. So it left it to the 5 siblings that do not agree on anything, and things keep coming up. And only 2 of us took the time and energy to deal with it. The others wanted nothing to do with it.

I suggest a short consult with a lawyer about signing off on property to protect your right. It will cost you, but in long run, you need to protect yourself. We had situation similar, we wanted to avoid probate and no one wanted to sign their name to anything associated with my sister in fear we would be held responsible for other things.

We also had county cremation, last weekend we spread the ashes. It provided some closure for that part.

When others tried to express their condolences, I had to thank them when inside I was furious. I did seek help from therapist, like someone else suggest, it sometimes was just to vent, and other time it was the therapist reassuring me I did nothing wrong to feel guilty about.

Laurie

Thank you all for your kind words of expression. Seems I am not alone in my feelings and I am normal. God bless you all.

mikaylar: I too have no expertise in this area but it may be cathartic to write a letter to those who were impacted by your brothers decision and let them know how you feel. They may read it and get some comfort or they may not but it may let you take a step forward. Maybe there is some help you can also offer those people, as a paralegal. Take one hour at a time and talk to any friend for a few minutes every day.

I'm going to walk out on a limb here...the anger, is not just the loss of the brother, but perhaps anger at the world. Covid, isolation, folks seem more greedy, social "fakebook" is less personal; than hey folks, just pick up the phone, knock on your neighbor's door, get out and say "hi" and give each other a hug, and maybe share a cup of coffee, or herb tea, take a walk together, stop and say hello to a child, pet a dog...that's my best; and perhaps help someone else, in a rougher spot. Anger, is energy, it wants us to do something, but when someone commits suicide; we can't, and we feel so dang powerless. Turn the anger, the energy, into something...perhaps; it's old school, and sometimes just makes anger worse, go get in the car; and close the doors and windows and scream at your brother for leaving you. I used to do it in a swimming pool, sink to the bottom (in the shallow end) and yell and scream and curse, cause even with a pool full of other folks; no one could hear my anger coming out.

Wish I could do all that however, I am dealing with a daily persistent headache that keeps me home. It's been almost four years and doctors can't figure it out. So, my loss is on the back burner now and maybe that is is a good thing; maybe not.

I live alone. Every day I check in with two trusted people so they know nothing happened to me. I realize this does not cover everything you wrote, but it is one way to allow your loved ones to know you are fine for that day.