I struggle with emotions regarding my husband’s forgetfulness.

What do u do to relieve yourself when the irritations pile up?

I clearly understand what you are going through, the feeling of shame because of your response, a sense of failure, and frustration. I prayed a lot for forgiveness and for self control. My dear wife of 47× years is extremely forgetful.
What I've learned is that it is the disease that causes her behavior and not the person. She's frustrated with herself as well. Fortunately, for her, she does not remember her behavior nor her frustration. Of course, that,'s no help to me.
What helped me to adjust to the forgetfulness is to think of her as a four year old person. What would you expect of a four year old girl and how would you respond to her behavior. This has helped me immensely to reduce my frequency of frustration and level of stress. A four year old cannot rationalize or fully understand as yet, so I avoid doing so with my wife.
My wide is in a four-year-old world of thinking and behaving. I try to learn about her world through observation and experience. I focus on giving her love and affection and learn to work with and around her forgetfulness. Giving her explanations, corrections and instructions do not work.
Be kind, forgiving and patient with yourself. You will make mistakes and will feel frustration. You have a new world, the world that your husband is living in to fault of his own or yours.
Peace be with you, Teri.

Hi @shirleybird, My irritations rarely pile up, and when they do, i don't react. I remind myself it's the disease causing him to ask me the same question six times in a row.
He's been taking a high potency multivitamin for a few months now and he seems brighter, more engaged. I can even get him to play Scrabble with me (we play together, not competitively).
My father had dementia and he drove my mother crazy. After he died, she told me, sadly, she lost her best friend. It was on the tip of my tongue to reply, "All you did was yell at him," I held my tongue, but how they were together is engraved in my memory. I vowed it wouldn't be like that with us.
I can leave my husband for a few hours to run errands, grocery shop and volunteer at a local museum. Most days, we walk together for half an hour and feed a neighborhood (stray) dog. I do a 15 minute yoga routine (to build bone density) most days and occasionally go for a massage when I need one.
My husband doesn't wander or get into mischief, so at this stage of caregiving, I'm very fortunate.
What is your situation like? Can you carve out any time for yourself?

thanks for your reply. I have needed someone to share with for a while now. My daughters and other friends that we associate with from our church don’t have this going on it’s nice to know someone knows what I’m talking about and it sounds like my husband is about at the same place in his progression with this disease it also sounds like I am about in the same place where you are, but still need to check in with someone else from time to time to help me remember what to do as this is relatively new in our lives. Our doctor just diagnosed my husband last summer 2022.

My husband was diagnosed in 2019, but I knew something was wrong when I retired in 2017. He's been through various stages, and now he's very content in our home with me as his caregiver. He sometimes gets jealous if I'm ton the phone too long with a friend, but apologizes later. My brother and sister-in-law want to come for a visit. We haven't seen them in years. I feel guilty, but I think it would be best for them to stay in a hotel nearby. I just think my husband would interpret their staying here as an invasion.

Several life relationship adjustments. It’s probably best they do stay elsewhere because it upsets the spouse’s routine as I understand it.
when your husband is in a large group of people, does he get fidgety because of so many distractions? did you say he was on a medication?

We have a small contained life, no outside events together or large outside gatherings. He can tolerate one or two people coming over, and I tell him he's free to go into the bedroom to rest whenever he likes.
Right now he's on an anti-depressant, Citalopram. Before that, it was donepezil (Aricept) for a couple of years, but I didn't notice any benefit.
What I understand about dementia is that sensory stimulation should be kept to a minimum. The brain is already challenged enough.

Teri, I could have signed this post of yours! When I retired in 2017, I noticed my husband’s memory loss. My husband was evaluated in 2019 and diagnosed with Lewy Body Disease in February 2020. Although I can leave him home for a few hours currently, I have decided on a company for future caregiving. When his family comes to visit, they stay in a hotel that is less than 2 short blocks away. It does cut down on the confusion. Thank goodness for understanding family!

Thank you for your message @jan83404. I noticed that my husband was using words in a strange way, forgetting commonly used words and making up his own. We were going on a trip once and he packed his clothes vertically in the suitcase. They were standing up rather than lying flat. I had two years to be in denial, terrified, and pray it was a Vitamin B deficiency before we got the diagnosis.
The scary thing about these disorders is not knowing what the furture brings. Will in home care be possible or will he have to go to a memory care unit?
How did you decide on the company you selected for future caregiving?

I did a lot of research about local companies, the type of care provided, cost, reputation, talked to people who had care by different companies, and chatted with social workers and doctors. The company I can leaning toward does everything from caregiving (staying with my husband while I am gone for errands) to hospice; they’re reasonable, have a great reputation from customers and doctors. I will try them out on me when I have shoulder surgery in July. What kind of dementia does your husband have, Teri? Currently, my husband can’t retrieve words, has hallucinations, walks slower, can’t differentiate between similar colors, and his peripheral sight is narrowing. I speak in short sentences and never put more than one idea before him at a time! My only request from people who want to help is to converse with me as often as possible! I could go crazy otherwise!