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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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It should be at 74 the Dr caring about you quality of life then dependence of pain killers. Government was putting people in prison for taking THC and now they have it in gummies.
@copeterson I feel your pain and I found a solution. I also have OA of entire spine and hips but I walk 2 miles daily. I use MMJ to replace my oxycodone for breakthrough pain. For my major pain I’m prescribed buprenorphine patch which I change every 7 days. I had been on T&C#4 for 15 years, was switched to morphine sulfate for 5 and then to buprenorphine. It is meant for those of us who do not obtain relief from chronic pain from conventional pain meds. Please read the articles and seek out a pain specialist who can prescribe this for you. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18503626/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4675640/,
https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2003/0401/p1521.html, https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/medical-marijuana?campaign_id=18&emc=edit_hh_20230310&instance_id=87268&nl=well®i_id=53838627&segment_id=127334&te=1&user_id=ed2ec21f5167c221d769f2eabd0383c5
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2 ReactionsVery kind of you to respond. Thank you. I’m surprised you found a doctor willing to prescribe a narcotic pain reliever. I have hit a brink wall - walking helps. Recently my hips and shoulders ache , severely, in the early evenings in addition to mornings. I’ll read what you forwarded. Thanks again.
In which state do you reside? If you’ve got chronic pain why aren’t your docs giving you the right meds?
...And Buddha I heard said: Pain is real, suffering optional. No, I am not trying to downplay Your suffering...I don't know what I'd have done.
Yet we all know those who are seeking drugs they do so to get rid of the pain they already have but ALSO many begin to LIKE the "high" that drugs give. And THAT is hard to resist when your life for you seems to have little joy. The question then is: Can we not prevent such drug use -- that so often results in overdose deaths -- by seeking "highs" from pleasures that we get from other means? After all, pleasure is a central impetus for most human behavior.
Thinking along these lines, I've come to conclude (I've done a book-long manuscript on it) that the more pleasures we derive from our natural gifts like Curiosity (e.g. after bombing, kids run out to see what disaster in parts of the world that have wars and conflicts; toddlers poke fingers in holes; adults wonder WHERE we come from), Agency (we seek certain activities more than others, health sector or engineering, or food) Play (humans have been called 'playing species' so we see children invent games, learn to jump, turn and now pay hefty price just to Watch and be Participate) and perhaps most urgently in today's Western world: Human Connection (did you notice the most comment-load is in the category that JUST WANTS TO TALK?).
My guess is we fall for unhealthy pleasures -- from overconsumption of food, alcohol, shopping...because we underutilize our built in capacity for pleasures we get from these pleasures of curiosity, agency, play and friends. In fact, lack of meaningful human connection where we can chat with a fellow human about our deepest troubles, fears, questions is vanishingly small. Devoid of 'natural' pleasures, we seek pseudo pleasures.
CONGRATULATIONS on kicking the opiates. It was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. The trick to my pain management is moving, ice and hopefully a hot tub real soon. You rock
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2 ReactionsI am interested in your states medical marijuana program. What state is it. I can't find ifo on drs who help with correct and safe dosage in calif. Some drs won't see you if you need opiates. They are cautious of getting reprimanded but don't offer alternatives
I live in Iowa and ithas bren slow coming here. There is no doubt that you can manage pain with the product.
A doctor needs to approve the request and its sent to the state for processing. They issue a id card and you can go to the dispensary. We have tinctures, gummies, pills, vap cartridges and matter available. We can get 3.5 grams per 3 months, but I have a waiver to the limit. Start low and slow. I could NOT do this without it. I am so sick and in pain all the time. It let's me get by. Please, if you have more questions, let me know. A lot better than 300mg of morphine and 100mcg of fentanyl!!!
Thanks for your info. I took have some similar experiences. Pain and
history of migraines
This helps me. Congratulations for your success.
I find any amount of THC in a Medical Cannabis product constipates me badly even if I take Miralax. I hope it doesn’t affect you that way.