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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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I've been blessed with a relatively pain free life until CIDP kicked in. Before that I had broken ribs & a punctured lung from a fall, a fractured wrist, several abdominal surgeries, but nothing chronic. Chronic pain is a world of its own, a world that people who don't live in it can't really understand. Thus, unfortunately, as with several types of illnesses, there's too often a stigma attached to it.
Then there's the challenge of treating the pain or pain management. I've been going down both roads for around 10 years. As I've written in the past, I tried all of the traditional neuropathy meds, and Lyrica was the only one that helped, but my reaction to it put me in the hospital for a few days. Then I went through the list of meds my neurologist had to offer, then a pain specialist, now a 3rd pain specialist, and the pain persists. In 2017 I had a spinal cord stimulator implant and enjoyed a year of wonderful 75% relief, then gradually less and less relief, down to what it is now ?%.
Morphine sulfate contin is the only medication that actually reduced the pain, of all the many, many medications I tried. I've never tried a Fentanyl patch. 30mg tid was the therapeutic dose when I was taking it. But my doctor's clinic made a decision to limit narcotics to 90mg, so he cut my dose in half, which was not enough, and nothing I could say would convince him to put it back up to the therapeutic level, which, by the way, would have been in line with CDC protocol. I finally got tired of the hassle of having to keep up with getting a fresh prescription every 28 days, of dealing with the comments by my wife about my medications, of Medicare sending letters requiring authorization for that and the Clonazepam 1 take for anxiety, and talked with a pain specialist about an alternative, and switched to buprenorphine. That requires regular visits to the doctor and urine samples because it's usually prescribed for people getting off heroin, even though I was taking it for pain - ridiculous! I tapered off that on my own to see if it was helping, and I couldn't feel any change, so I'm now taking Topamax (Topiramate). Not sure yet how much good it is either. I wish the government would get out of the medical profession and allow doctors to prescribe the medication that they know will work for their specific patient and not penalize everyone because of those who abuse the drugs that are needed by those who would take them responsibly.
Because of my mental health issues - depression, anxiety disorder, PTSD and OCD - it's additionally hard for me to deal with things like self advocacy. Chronic pain in tandem with depression or other mental health issues feed on each other, as well. Over the past 20 years, my mental health has greatly improved with the help of a number of good therapists. I'm in a safe place now mentally, no longer suicidal, I take interest in a few things, I try to stay active as much as the pain in my feet permits. So, life goes on.
Jim
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4 ReactionsDue to a total knee replacement that went bad and not a revision candidate, I proudly say yes, I take meds! Laugh at the amount, maybe 7 mgs a day but it is what works for me. I can be a 7-8 depending on weather, depending on how much I am on my feet. I get epidurals which I am stopping since they have reduced my cortisol in my body. Now working with Endo who will probably push steroids which will be shoved back. I saw an interventional med doc, ran tests, the cortisol is not that bad. She loved to see me off the meds but fully understands I won’t smoke medical marijuana!!! She recommended ashwagandha and let me tell you, depending on how your body responds to it, it’s wonderful. I only take 1/2 of the gummie. Now at night I take 1/4 of med and half of ashwagandha and I am out. It’s a try, all we can do.
Is there really such a thing as pain management specialists?
Yes. I go to one for constant pain from knee replacements, one with a redo with rods, and a hip replacement. He gives me hydrocodone 10 4-5 times a day which takes the edge off the pain if I faithfully take it as recommended. I will have pain the rest of my life. I now also have demylenation which makes everything worse.
You don't have to smoke medical Marijuana. You can get it in gummies and other edibles also. I don't do it at all but just saying those options are out there.
Yes. I see one every 2 months . I live in Ocala Florida. Google pain management doctors or specialists in your area.
I also take hydrocodone 10. I've been taking it for 20+ years for back issues that have gotten progressively worse over last few years. I take it every 4 hours when back is super bad, maybe every couple months, it's unpredictable. I usually take it every 7 hours, up from every 6 hours. I looked up half life and really went to 7 hours because I want as much of the previous pill to be out of system before taking another. Sometimes I'm busy on the computer and time gets away from me and before I know it, it's been 8 hours. My day starts at about 3:30-4:00 am so I'm still at 3 a day just farther apart. I always have to call and push my appt out by about 2 weeks because I have too many pills left. He calls in 2 RX's so I can see him every 2 months. My insurance does not pay for him and I do not want to change doctors. I don't want a lower quantity of pills because as I explained to him, on the days I need them more frequently than every 6 hours as bottle indicates, I have them and won't run risk of running out. I started taking them every 7 hours because I was really worried about toxicity from them. I have regular labs by pcp and kidneys are at normal function. I do agree though, the pain will be never ending and the meds just take the edge off. I have issues with my thighs getting numb if I stand in one place too long. I am a hairstylist and had to go out on disability 3 years ago. I owned a salon in assisted living for 20 years and the lifting and bending to accommodate elderly clients took its toll. It's true what several of my customers used to tell me....getting old isn't for sissies.... lol.
P.S. my computer set up is where I can lean back in my chair and prop my feet up on another chair. My mouse is on a nightstand that's lower than my desk, at the end of my desk and almost even with my chair. I can't sit up in a computer chair because pinched nerve in shoulders gets shoulders numb.
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3 ReactionsI have a neighbor that does gummies and smokes and pops pills. A mess. Not adding anything. I am even cutting back on the goli gummies. Hate neigh high.
I have seen at least 3 over the last 10 yrs or so with very little success.
Look up a physiatrist in your area, if they don't work with pain patients they will know a doctor who does. Most major hospitals in Ontario, Canada have Pain Clinics, with either physiatrists or anesthetists working in conjunction with other specialties as needed. If you have chronic pain they may schedule a psychological assessment as well.