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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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This was not a put down towards you at all. Yes If I wanted narcotics I could definitely get them legally. I choose not to. My father was hit head on by a ex marine driving a full sized GMC 4x4 lifted at 90 mph and still accelerating when my Dad driving a small Chevy GEO doing 15 mph in a school zone was hit head on. As well, this wreck was caught on school video. The young man then ran to a VA addiction clinic for 6 weeks ( judge thought it was a great idea since he still hadn’t been tried for his first DUI) He checked out a day before he was supposed to be picked up and went home and died of a overdose. Justice?? My father died March 10th 2019. Sorry for the long post but again, it was not personal against you…..David
Don't think I need to since I only take one every 7 hours, most of the time. Very seldom is every 6 hrs. There is nothing else that will give me the results I'm getting with the meds. It's usually people that can longer get them for some reason or another that have advice for people who are still able to get them. I have a feeling if you still were getting them, you wouldn't be telling me to wean myself off them. I can't do the Marijuana because of issues with PVC's and my cardiologist would not like that, I don't believe.
David you could find another pain management doctor if you need one.
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2 ReactionsI know but as long as I’m tolerating pain I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. Currently I’m in limbo on C-1 and C-2. They want to redo C-5 through C-7 as that fusion didn’t take as well. Then I ask myself how long until C-3 and C-4 will last. Between a rock and a hard place but I’ll keep smiling until I cross that bridge….David
I'm sorry about your dad. I guess my point is that some people are predispositioned and that is sad. I've always said if I wanted a buzz I'd drink or smoke pot. I takexmy meds for exactly what they are meant for and the same amount as when I first started 20 years ago. I'm no idiot and I guess I thank God that I'm not down that road of addiction. I may be dependent on them, like I said, but I'm not addicted to them because if I was, I'd run out way before my next script was due.
Carol, for what it’s worth I agree with you. If it makes you live a normal ( for us ) then use what works. I definitely am nonjudgmental. You have a MD that cares enough to save you money! That’s very rare these days….David
The way I look at it....that's what the pain meds are for. For people who have a legitimate reason for them. There is no way I am going to suffer and cry and be bed ridden and in constant pain when there is something out there that can help, just because there's also people out there that aren't compliant. That's their problem. Their issues. I'm taking care of my own. Doctors know who the drug seekers are. I heard my doctor yelling at another patient one, through the wall, something about his pain medicine and just getting it filled. Then I heard him say you do that again and that's it, you're out of the program. It's people that don't abide by the rules that give it a bad name for one's that do.
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2 ReactionsCarol have you considered seeing a pain specialists for your pain? Since you're still on the same med for so many years maybe it's not effective as you'd like? I too was on Percocet for over 20 years until I looked into a pain management doctor. I was first placed on morphine sulfate for about one year and that effectiveness waned too. I was then placed on buprenorphine patch which works fantastically. it is different from other narcotics like Percocet or T&C in that it works on different brain receptors. Please read the article I've attached below for more info. Buprenorphine pills and buccal film are used to treat addiction but in different doses from the patch. Good luck and hope you find relief, I have.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4675640/I am seeking advice, I’ve got major injuries and am an addict/alcoholic and so I’ve exhausted just about everything and now from pain, I’m experiencing extreme anxiety and panic attacks causing more pain and suffering. I end up in the ER room. I know I am shifting my opinion about options that will relieve my issues, until surgeries, but in your experience and opinion, what would you suggest!????
Sincerely,
#hurtingandconcerned
I do see a pain specialist. The medicine works as well as it did when I started taking it 20 years ago. That's why I said I don't need to do anything different because it still works for me. Every 7 hours. I do have relief. Not sure why you assumed the meds weren't working for me anymore. If they were NOT working, I'd be taking 2 or 3 at a time instead of 1 and I'd be taking them more frequently that every 7 hours.