Do pictures of your loved ones hurt or help?
Shortly after my husband died, I had to have a full hip replacement. I was fortunate to find a wonderful caregiver and she was with me for two months until I was fit enough to care for myself, shower myself, dress myself and even drive. We have kept up our friendship. Last week she came over to help me with a task that I felt I was unable to do for myself. She also brought me a picture of my husband and me while he was still in our home, in a hospital bed. He was smiling and looked so good. I have been crying ever since. Her motive was good. She thought I would be pleased to have it and in a way I am. But the pain of seeing the last picture of him is almost unbearable. I feel worse that I did when I had to leave his remains in the cemetery. How do other people handle this?
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I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my dad in November and brother in law two months before that. I understand the grief that death of a loved one brings. I think grieving is particular to each person but the loss is universal. We can (and do) shift through the stages of grief. Sometimes going through the stages skipping and returning.
Grief and sorrow can be so deep. That even a picture can strike a chord. That particular picture might represent difficulty for you both. When I see pictures of my dad in his hospital bed, it is not a good feeling. It reminds me of the suffering. So instead, my family and I assembled pictures throughout his life and made a electronic picture viewer. Not for everyone, but this was when he was happy and healthier. It is interesting. We did not put any pictures of him while he was in the hospital bed. I don’t think wheelchair pictures made it in either. That just came to my consciousness now.
Please get out if you can. Distract yourself if even briefly. I still think my dad is at home with my mom. When it hits me he is gone i cry. What I’m trying to say is do what feels right for you. If that photo triggers you, put it away for now. You need time to sort through your feelings.
Again, I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
When you are ready you will know.
Yes, you are right. But the blows keep coming. I set aside yesterday evening for talking with my family. Here's what happened. My last living first cousin fell and broke her shoulder. Another cousin is in the last stages of pancreatic cancer. I was able to speak to her son and begged him to keep me in the loop. She is 94. Another cousin's husband is in the hospital with a rather bad stroke. He is paralyzed on one side. He, too, is about 93-94 years old. I cannot abandon my family but getting all this in one evening is hard.
All of you have helped so much. You don't have any idea of how much I appreciate it.
Oh, Oh, Oh, so beautiful. But it did make me cry. My eldest son who works in Asia could not attend my husband's funeral but he wrote the most beautiful elegy (not eulogy) for his father and a nephew read it. I treasure it.
Yes - they just are.
❤️ 🤗
That's why we are here...to support each other. I lost my brother almost to years ago to a tragic suicide that involved 8 other people and I still have not dealt with it.
Losing a brother…I could not imagine the grief you have. I’m so sorry for your loss. That sounds like a horror.
My brother wrote off the entire family and didn’t show up for my dads wake or funeral. No call no nothing. I grieve for the brother I no longer have. We used to be close. I am so sad. I know it is not the same as losing a brother the way you have. But it hurts. I’m sorry I’m bringing up mine. ITs just I can relate to “losing” … He was very impressionable and fell under the influence of a bad person. He turned on faith on us. I had to bury him long ago. I am ill and wish I had him to talk to.
We miss our brothers with a full and very heavy heart. They were lost. But I will pray for you and for your brother…and mine…if I can stop being angry with him.
I’m so sorry for your heartbreak.
He’s been gone just 8 months but so far having pictures of my dear husband around helps me feel that he is still very much part of my life. His family with whom I’m not close occasionally sends pictures I’ve never seen and old classmates also send pictures.