What IS the point? Adult kids don't seem to care.

I completely understand your situation. I raised my only child (son) as a single parent, worked 1-3 jobs and paid for his college education at Georgetown University. He has shown me ( for the most part) nothing but verbal and emotional abuse, name calling. I have always been very kind and generous to him. Lots of love and respect/kindness. I have not heard from him in nearly four years. Now the abuse/ name calling and disrespect has been intermittent for 25 years ( he is now 46). You can only imagine the restless nights, tears and anguish. The stress finally broke me physically and I have been unable to work ( I am a registered nurse). I am cut off from my only grandchildren. What I want to tell you from what I have learned is this:
1). Estrangement from our children is universal. I once belonged to a online group as a moderator for people like you and me. These issues were described by people from all over the world.
2). This journey of sadness/anger/frustration is part of the way people grieve as we are grieving the loss of our children. Be kind to yourself.
3) Unless you have experienced estrangement from your children, most people have no idea what is it like and really do not want to hear our story. Consequently, we are often cut off from friends.
4). Stress kills
5) We cannot change our disrespectful children
6) Learn to let go and begin a new life. Don’t dwell on what we did wrong, or what they did wrong. That is in the past.
7). The hurt never goes away but life moves on even though it is in a direction we never once imagined.
Hugs to you.

This will sound callous, so apologies to those offended, but shouldn't the end game in having kids be to raise confident independent successful well adjusted adults who have their own lives? Procreating so that you'll have friends or someone to take care of you doesn't seem a justifiable reason to procreate. But I hear it all the time, when parents transition from taking care of their kids to seeing their kids as someone to take care of them. Not all kids are cut out for that - respect it? You might prefer it to having a 50 year old who keeps coming back to the nest because he can't seem to make it on his own.
If your kids don't talk to you, visit you, value you, etc. ask yourself what could possibly be the reason. Ask them. Have you acted in a way, been the type of parent that has caused your kids to avoid your company? If so, make your apologies. Things could turn around, I made peace with my father before it was too late. If not, and your kid is just an ungrateful unresponsive boob, move on. Not worth your trouble or heartache.

For sure, I understand that some parents will parent their adult children with cognitive, physical, emotional impairments all their lives. My mother was this parent to my brother until she died, now the sibs pitch in to "parent" him. So, extenuating mental health concerns aside, I was rather speaking to those who feel rejected or ignored by their fully functional adult children. It was to these parents, who claim their kids are ungrateful butts, despite all best efforts to connect with them. I was suggesting, if the parent has amends to make, make them, you may not even realize the resentment your adult kid harbors - until you ask. And if the parent has no amends to make, if their kid has sidelined them for no valid reason, it's time to move on. And I say this as someone who has life circumstances that have tortured me because I get stuck in neutral, pining for a life that is in the past. I've had to teach myself to move on/move forward for self preservation. I realize it's complicated, and "move on" doesn't mean stop loving unconditionally, it just means move forward and preserve your own mental health, which I see is damaged in a lot of these posts, because people are pining for what they don't have and may never have. If your adult children have moved on from you, and don't appreciate you, and you have done nothing to deserve this, it is not your job as a parent to moan and groan and pine and grieve and sit around waiting for them to come around. Time to find a new way to make happiness.

You have valid recommendations to give, but please try to be a little softer and more kind. This lady is obviously hurting and doesn’t need to be hurt more with your harsh means of making your point.
Scatter kindness and compassion. We all need that.

I hear you, and I appreciate your thoughts. I wish the world ran on kindness and compassion, but what many of these people are expressing borderline abusive treatment and desertion on the part of their adult children. Sometimes the plain truth is what we need people need to hear, and the most compassionate thing we can do for them is give it to them, directly. My comments were not meant to be unduly harsh or hurt more, rather to be a wake up call. If by kindness and compassion you mean commiserating, no I'm not down with that. Did you give this same lecture to the person who suggested, "Stress kills; We cannot change our disrespectful children; Learn to let go and begin a new life. Don’t dwell on what we did wrong, or what they did wrong. That is in the past; ... life moves on even though it is in a direction we never once imagined." Same message.

How about when the child has a spouse who tells complete lies about the mother in law to everyone in the child's family and child is so scared of losing third wife, won't stand up for mom?

My whole family is convinced I'm a drug addict and that when I was in ICU for end renal failure.. it was really for drug addiction. I hear it when I see certain other family members and it always comes from her. She even told the nurses to search my purse for drugs. Of course I let her. Then she told them I was trying to die, kill myself (and how dare she, I found my 29 year old son in his car, in his garage 2006.. I would never) so all those suicide/mental health people came to my room..

And my nephrologist said.. "suicide by end renal failure, that's way out there."

I had to ban them from the hospital and THEY got mad at ME about it. We all made up after that when I APOLOGIZED. I wanted to see my grandkids.

Then recently I saw a random nasty post my son wrote on a FB post my great niece had written about how I've changed, how I talk about his wife all the time, my grandkids get sick at their stomach when I text them.. How I'm mad at the because they moved... (I've never ever been mad about that!) It was really really ugly.
I'd done nothing. I Had talked to nobody. I rarely, really rarely leave my house. I'm ill. So I asked him about the post and he said it was only one post... What? I said but it wasn't true. He said It.Was.One.Post. What did that matter?
Then they both unfriended me and said they are done with me and the grandkids don't answer anymore either, even the two grown ones. I don't know what someone has said I've done. I'm 66. I don't talk on the phone. Rarely go on Facebook. I only leave here to go to doctors, only my nephew, his bro and sis come to see me... That's ALL. I had custody of him and raised him as my own for a long time. He hears about me being a drunk from others and tells them it's all lies.

The main comments I've heard about see that I've changed and that people go to Disney (FL) wearing oxygen. Stupid. I don't use oxygen first. And they've never actually invited new and they maker big money, owe my money from when they started their business and know I'm on Medicaid and stuff and never offer to buy new a ticket or pay me back. And I sure don't mention it.

Well...I've went down to visit them the first two years they moved (from TN where I live) and they've never visited me... Yet that gets thrown up to me. So yes... I have just quit trying.

Sorry this got so long but it felt really good to finally tell someone about it. It started in 2018.

I'm 66, I've got Lupus, GCA, PMR, Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, another myalgia, 27 screws from spinal, foot and rotator cuff surgeries, trying to get well enough for new ankle, Interstitial Cystitis, emphysema, and a few more. Do I have the time or desire to be talking bad about anybody? No. My ex had a stroke and my son flew down twice to visit him last year... I asked could I meet him and buy him lunch.. nope. Did he come when I had bladder surgery recently? Nope. Did he come when they recently took a piece of artery from my temple to biopsy? Nope. Never acknowledged the text.
What would YOU do?

So, God and the Lord Jesus Christ are to be thanked and revered for their role in good fortune, but are NOT to be held to account when bad things happen? I struggle with that, am not a believer or religious practitioner. Much respect to those whose faith is strong though, I think just the believing/faith is powerful enough to heal and soothe. Be well.

That's a good question the Bible teaches us that God is holy and righteous and just and he doesn't make any mistakes creation that tells us that creation was made perfect but when man brought sin into the world he brought death just as God told him he would if he disobeyed the Titan the New Testament teaches that death comes because of sin and that God doesn't send that man chose to disobey God and sin he chose to obey Satan and disobey God and sin brought death into the world we know that we all sin we know that we choose to keep on sending even having received Sin from our parents Jesus Christ came and died on the cross and took our sins upon himself and yet people still do not turn to him for forgiveness and repentance of their sins he will help to help us to be born again just as he said and John chapter 3 and also in the Book of Romans it talks about Sin and being born again it's all through the New Testament really I could go on and on Jesus Christ came to save sinners that's what we are and that's why we have pain and suffering and death because sin brings death

I've given everything to my three adult sons...they have broken me completely...

I supposed you're cured by now.