What IS the point? Adult kids don't seem to care.

Hi Linamend. Not sure how to reply to your question. But what I can say is that this is a process through which I find myself in a state filled with peace and joy. The "cure" will finally occur but for now I will follow the process that gives me satisfaction, peace, and joy. And it is not an illusion but a firm reality. Thanks for your interest, Linamend. Love to hear from you.

I can’t believe we’re quoting religious things in this Mayo Clinic!!

@sadita The Community Guidelines request no politics or political posting. That said, there are many different belief systems and faiths that encompass our members. Or, none at all. It is comforting to some people to see references to faith they follow, while others may feel a bit uncomfortable. It is my sincere thought that there is space for all of us here at the Mayo Clinic Connect table. If we see a post that may make us feel uncomfortable, because it may not align with our personal beliefs, it's perfectly okay to skip it. Just my
"two cents worth".
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/
Ginger

Thank you, Ginger. I appreciate your response but I’m very insulted by all the bible quotes and references.

Hi all,
A gentle reminder of the Community Guidelines (https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/)

In particular, I'd like to underline:
- Stay on topic.
- Be inclusive. Not everyone shares the same religious or political beliefs. Don't impose your beliefs on others.

Posts not following the Community Guidelines have been removed.

Maybe there is a basic difference with how we grew up and how our children grew up. In many ways children were once protected by the isolation of news. In WW II, my sister and I grew a tiny "Victory Garden", but in so many ways we were isolated from what was happening. I remember my grandfather reading his newspaper in his rocking chair with the radio on very low so we hardly could here what was being said, no television, no internet, no warnings. There was no doomsday talk with the clock 90 seconds to midnight, no idea that we didn't have a future.

It seems children and young people now have a very different outlook for their future, even if they think they have a future. This has created a huge generation gap. It doesn't seem possible to isolate them from the reality. We have to adjust and accept their reality.

Maybe think of all the things you assumed you could accomplish and what is the reality for your children: can they even think of having a home of their own, can they travel safely to the place of their dreams if it even exists now, how much security to they feel with their career choices, etc.

Reality can be painful, but recognizing it is the only way to resolve conflict.

I think many of us feel a lack of caring by our adult kids and it can be heart breaking. That said, I think I need to fill my life with the meaningful things I do have. For me my faith is part of that but know it isn't for everyone. Friends make a big difference as we age ( I lost both of my best friends in the past few months) My one friend told me to not cry over her but remember the many good times.Guess good memories, my husband of 48 years and my little dog is a lot to be thankful for

@roxiesmom13 It is painful to watch close family relationships and feeling the lack in one’s own. I am in the latter category too, but I have decided to try and “renovate my empty nest”. So far it has not been easy, but I realize I am the only one who can make the change.

If it is possible, do move closer to where your son lives, if not right in the same city. If you can drive, that’s half life’s battle won - I am unable to drive because of partial blindness.

My son also lived an hour and a half (on a good day) to two hours away and we rarely saw him - lucky if we saw him, daughter-in-law and baby granddaughter for a few hours at Easter, Thanksgiving, birthdays and Christmas, and even then it was a rushed visit.

Moving to their city wasn’t my first choice because I loved the city I was in but my husband hated driving the distance any time we wanted to visit them (I don’t drive so unfortunately he driving was left to him - he hates driving!) so he insisted this is where we should move. It has been a difficult seven months getting used to this place and I do feel quite isolated here; I have joined a couple of activities at a community centre and a Bible study group, but the biggest benefit has been that we have seen our son and granddaughter more often than we did before. We were strangers to our baby granddaughter before, but now she has bonded with us and looks forward to her visits with and from us.

One thing I have made a point of doing too, is to smile and say hello to anyone I pass and I have yet to get a frown in return! This has been so much easier now that we don’t have a masking mandate! ☺️ I also try to get the names of people I speak to - cashiers, receptionists, etc. are more responsive when addressed by their names and with a smile, I have learned.

Thank you for your encouraging words. I know a move will have a few things to change getting new Dr's for my husband and finding a good church for me. I am a pretty outgoing person which certainly helps. Not having any real expectations for kids as nothing hurts more than unfulfilled expectations.

@roxiesmom13 I don’t know where you live, but here in Ontario, Canada, there is a shortage of doctors everywhere too, even in major cities like Toronto.

We don’t have a general physician here yet, but by word of mouth we found out last month that a physician will be taking new patients in a few weeks so we didn’t waste time in getting and filling out registration forms for that medical clinic. Hopefully we will have a physician by June or July, but in the meantime, our physicians in Toronto are available to us for virtual appointments and prescription renewals.

Fortunately my husband and I already were given referrals to specialists here before we got here, by our specialists in Toronto. Specialists are the most important to get right away as one cannot see a specialist in Canada without a referral from a family physician or another specialist. One of the downsides of government health insurance … too many rules and regulations.