My husband has dementia and we think that it's Alzheimer's

Our local Area Agency on Aging has lots of helpful resources and provides a great caregivers support group via zoom where we learn so much from each other. I encourage you to check it out in your area.

My husband has just been seen by a psycho neurologist for loss of planning ability and I am NOT ready for this! Still trying to figure it out. I am going to try to find a caregiver group, start being serious about daily walk and even phone calls with friends. I am not sure at this point what the financial ramifications will be: Medicare does not cover caregiver help for dementia/alzheimer's. His frustration is hard to take, but I am going to figure out how to manage it. Early days, though--he is still able to do his job as a church musician.

Really? zoom? That could work. I will call.

I cared for my mother, who moved in with us, and found that the best advice I got was to keep calm myself and keep the words "don't you remember" or "remember when". Just talk about the subject/memory. She was able to calmly share things about her childhood that shame had made her keep secret for the rest of her life. I tested the waters carefully with such questions as "what games did you play with your sister (her twin who died when she was 6) and learned some of the things he mother had done as a result. It explained a lot of her behavior all her live, but didn't upset her to talk about her. She, however, didn't have paranoid issues, which would be reason for extra caution.

This may sound off the wall, but it is harmless. Vitamin B12 deficiency can cause some of the symptoms you describe. This is why memory deterioration can occur with alcoholism. An under the tongue supplement used as directed may or may not help. In swallowed form it is less effective if at all because of the effect of aging on the absorption of it, but swallowing works well for the other helpful B vitamins. It helped my mother-in-law for a time.

One time when my husband was well along in his illness, I was driving and we were on our way back from an appointment and he asked me where "donna" was. That is me. So I said she is probably home waiting for you. When we got home I went upstairs and changed clothes then yelled down to him asking if he was home. He said yes and when I appeared he recognized me. I think that sometimes the "hearing" memory and the surroundings help out.

Ooops, I meant to day to keep those words out of my conversations with her. When she couldn't remember they sounded accusatory to her.

@laurie22 Please do not be hard on yourself. We are going to make some errors, and beating ourselves up for it will do no good.

Deep breath, have a cup of tea, or some chocolate. And find something to smile about today.
Ginger

@merpreb, just a little note to let you know I'm thinking of you.

We have an update on Dave- Another one! His doctor now says that he has vascular dementia. This seems to fit more with what behaviors I see. They are more of step downs than a gradual decline. We finally have an appointment at Butler Hospital in Providence for his first full assessment and treatment suggestions. It's less than a month away. We have this incredible questionnaire to fill out with some very bizarre questions too. lol

Last Thursday my man turned 80. I took him out to lunch at a favorite local oceanfront restaurant. We had such a lovely time recounting a lot of crazy things that we have done and what an incredible life we've had together. We've been together 45 years and married 42 this year. I'm relishing this time with him and "milking" him for all that I can get (without tiring him out of course or making him more confused) The other afternoon he came up from his office and told me that he felt lost and was confused. It was a knife in my heart.

If any of you hear such statements what do you say?

My husband has vascular dementia, the sudden declines, sometimes overnight, are a hallmark of that diagnosis. When he expresses worry and confusion, I say (brightly) "We're a team! Always have been, always will be!" I repeat that as needed, and it's true, no platitudes, no cliches. I think he is comforted by the words "We", "team", "always"