My husband has dementia and we think that it's Alzheimer's

We are here for you, Merry! Keep posting and share your journey and tell us what we can do to help you!

@merpreb Good for you, for reaching out to the Connect community for a caretaking hand in all this. Without doubt it is a hard struggle for you both. For Dave, as the world he knows slowly becomes a stranger and a strange place to navigate. For you, as you struggle to stay ahead of the oncoming train.

Here is the website for the Alzheimers Association. You can look up local chapters to give you support and guidance. https://www.alz.org/

There may be some local resources available to you through community centers, also, and getting the perspective from friends and neighbors will be a godsend to you. Along those lines, please remember to take care of yourself, too. not just Dave. Check wioth your primary care medical team, for resources and guidance. Unless you are healthy, you will find it difficult to help him.
Ginger

I love that you are owning your own impatience and how that can impact the challenge even beyond your health issues. You may want a therapist to help you work through those challenging growth issues that will come as well - I would imagine you may face some resentment towards the children - I think I would.

Hi szucker99, it's so nice to meet you. Let them resent me all they want, one in particular! They don't help and live far enough away so they aren't interfering.

Hi Ginger- Thank you for the URL. I have been in touch and I think that I will be much better off here on Connect than anywhere for understanding and support and help. I definitely won't hesitate to ask for more information and guidance for myself as this journey progresses.

My mom had Parkinson's and I see some of those traits in Dave. I was her main caretaker and I had my younger sister's help then and do now too. But this is mostly my journey too. Dave trusts me so much which makes things much easier for me. I do ignore when his paranoia shows up and try not to take it personally, but do pay attention so I can help calm him down. If there are any tricks for this I'd love to hear them.

I also have to settle down and help us live a more organized life- any ideas for adult activities and things that we can do that gives purpose and meaning would be a huge help. My guess is that he has a vascular cause to his illness with some Parkinson's, But I'll wait for the experts to give a more complete picture.

Thank you for all your kindness.

Merry

I meant I would resent THEM for not helping!!!!!

Yes, sorry. And I do, a lot.

Re: resentment. Feelings like this can be huge emotional energy black holes. Someone told our daughter early in my wife's journey "you will be shocked at how many folks ghost on you and equally surprised by the few who hang in with you." This was absolutely true in our lives. We cannot demand how others will react to our situations and I had to learn to just let a lot of people go from my life rather than continue to wish they'd help, reach out, or be different. It was too exhausting for me.

Not a pleasant take on this, I know, but no one else will ever see our struggles as patient and caregiver as we do. Plus some folks find 'out of sight, out of mind' as their preferred mode of living.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Hi Merry, @merpreb,
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2019 by a neurologist after an MRI of his brain and neuropsychological testing.
His short term memory is gone, but , other than that, he functions pretty well. He's even recovered from surgery for a broken hip about a year ago, and we are able to walk for 30 minutes most days.
He's not angry and is appreciative of everything I do for him. Our home is his safe place. He's pretty open about his forgetfulness and feels comfortable enough to ask me questions when he can't remember something. He tests his memory all the time by asking me questions.
He's less sociable than he was before and sometimes doesn't like it when my friends come to visit. I don't pressure him to socialize with them. I've scaled down what I do, but I won't give up all sociability.
I can leave him for a few hours at a time, but don't go far from home and won't leave him in the evening.
He's given up managing our finances, driving, and any home maintenance responsibilities. I do everything. And through all this, I had open heart surgery, which I recovered from, then a year later, a mysterious malady for a year which turned out to be the autoimmune disease from hell.
He doesn't read anymore or watch tv. He will do jigsaw puzzles. We started with some for adults, called "Keeping Busy" with 35 pieces. We did a few together. Recently, he worked on a regular jigsaw with me (250 pieces) without my asking him.
We don't have children and live far from other family so I do rely on my friendships, but mainly it's on me.
I was contemplating moving where services would be more available, but my husband loves it here, so I'm downsizing as much as I can now so any future move is easy.
People have posted here that Teepa Snow is a great resource.
I wish you the best.

You can call the Alzheimer's Assoc. They can send you some info. Also there should be an Area Agency on Aging in your area ,you can call. Years ago ,my mother would get a little funding to help with Dad's care. I believe it was through the AAA. Feel free to ask questions.