Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Dear Julie: For over a year now I have been following your journey with Bill through this devastating disease. My husband suffers from the same diagnosis. Finally, today I have changed insurance companies in the hope of being able to talk with physician who can help us understand now and possibly provide some support. Along with his dementia he has tremendous anxiety that seems to be increasing at an accelerated rate very recently. One example of our nightly routine it he checks to make sure no one has gotten into the house who will harm us in the evening before bed, 6+ time a night. One place to check is the garage. He checks that all doors are down, the window is closed and locked, there is no one hiding in either of our cars. Then 2 nights ago he started checking inside the trash cans. I need to watch this and make sure he turned off the light when he is finished, this just started. What I want you to know is that you're sharing your journey has helped me. I am here to support you daily. Daily!

Bill is now on hospice. Has been suffering from extreme diarrhea (before he gets to the bathroom). Yesterday when he was answering questions for the nurse we seemed to obtain and extra child lol. He is showing more confusion. Hospice doesn't think he has long.
He keeps asking me if our money is still in the bank and if he still has access to it. I keep reassuring him. At this point I don't have to worry about the scam deals he was falling for as he no longer can work the computer or the phone - or go to the front door if the bell rings.
I'm up at 4am as he needed his dose of Imodium and med for pain.
Thank you for your support. Wishing you the best with all the 'safety' checks.

Good Morning Julie, I see you are an early bird. thanks for reading my remarks.
Regarding the Credit cards; we have errant charges from merchants and use the ‘dispute process’. It works very well and many choices are available as to ‘why’ the charge is wrong and should be reversed. Never had one turned down and credits appear within a few days. Last year disputed a $700 charge from Walmart for a TV that was never delivered (some delivery person has that tv in a house, or sold it for cash, I suspect). Also one card has a feature that sends a text to me whenever a charge occurs over a certain selected $$ amount or is a remote, or ‘person not present’ type charge.

Hi, @april1940m YES! Support by and from other caregivers is such a needed aspect of caregiving! I find it wonderful that you have gained from @billchitwood posts and sharing. I know when I first came to Connect it was due to the intense isolation of caregiving and the feeling I was in it all alone.

My wife had an incredibly rigid daily routine she would follow every day. Same movements, same times, same foods, etc. Sometimes something would be added, but the routine was hugely important to her. I realize every patient, their disease, and their journey are individualized, but when I asked my wife's neuro doc about this he said he sees this often and believes it comes from a belief that "if I did my routine today and I lived, didn't get worse, etc. then if I do it again tomorrow exactly the same, I will continue to be ok and live another day. Not sure if this applies to any other individuals, but it really helped me cope with the routine(s) that invaded our lives and came to live with us.

Stength, Courage, & Peace

Good morning, @billchitwood I hope hospice is as helpful to you and Bill as it was to my wife and me.

My wife's medicine regimen, when all her meds had to be in liquid form, was every two hours for several months so I can sympathize with your 4:00 AM "call".

Again, I hope you find hospice a solid support!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Hi @april1940m, My husband has moderate Alzheimer's, formally diagnosed in 2019, although symptoms were present a couple of years earlier. He was acting pretty obsessively at times. He had been taking donepezil for a while, but it wasn't really effective anymore. I spoke to his neurologist. He stopped the donepezil and gave him a prescription for Citalopram, 20 mg a day. It's an anti-depressant. After taking the citalopram, my husband said it felt like a weight had been lifted from him. He still checks the doors at night a couple of times, but I think it's more from forgetfulness than anxiety. All in all, he's pretty calm and content. I hope this is helpful.

Hi Julie,
Just want you to know I, and I’m sure many others, are thinking of you and Bill and embracing you both with our love and support during these days. My mother and dad went peacefully in their sleep and I hope that for Bill also. Best wishes always, Sue

I'm hoping for the same for him. He is sleeping most of the time now. Hospice has the pain and anxiety under control with medications. Such a blessing.
Thanks everyone for your support. It does help so much.

@billchitwood
We are here for you whenever you need to talk, Julie. Glad to hear that Bill's anxiety and pain are better controlled with the help of hospice. He deserves comfort at this time of life.

Today Erica from hospice arrived to give him a bath (in bed), shave him, change his sheets, etc. He enjoyed her rubbing on lotion. Lately he says my hands are too cold to touch him. Then wants to hold my hand or pet me.
Other when Erica was here he has mostly been sleeping. Went to sleep as she was walking out of the room. Again today he has refused food of any kind. I think that is one of the hardest thing a spouse/caregiver goes through. I have spent 37 years cooking his favorites and watching him enjoy them. Fixing food for him was a sign of love and care. Now I can't give him that.