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Complicated grief
Three years ago I met a girl whom I really loved. But do to some circumstances we broke up, but still loved each other and kept in contact. Then two years ago she committed suicide. I really couldn't accept it at all and I still cant. I know she is gone but still after two years all I think about is her. After her death I started to withdraw from pretty much everyone. I don't go out anymore I don't hang out with my friends, I cant go anywhere where I was with her, I cant bring myself to listen to the songs we used to listen I just feel like I'm stuck. I keep think that I could have saved her somehow, that I could have helped her, that I should have been there and I just cant forgive myself. Imagining every day how it would be if she was still here is all I do. I failed a year in college, my job is looking bad and I just need some advice on what to do?
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I can speak from your friends point of view. When I was in my teens I was so grief stricken that I had myself convinced that nobody cared. I was a thin thread away from ending it just to make the pain go away but an angel was with me. Something made me ask myself who would be upset with me if I did this. As names came into my head I was able to stop myself. Since then it has happened a couple more times but not as close. My reason for telling you this is cuz I never had anything so horrible in my life to ever justify that. Its all due to my mental instabilities that as I'm still learning about and struggling to deal with. I'm so sorry she couldn't hear that voice of hope inside her that day. There was no way you could know. None of my friends or family ever knew. I also know she would have never wanted to hurt you. Just hold those happy memories in your heart and keep her alive that way. That is the best gift you could ever give her. That and by moving on to live a full happy life. She will always be with you as your angel looking out for you and wanting the best for you. I know that's how I would have felt. Take care of yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss. I too have lost friends to suicide and it leaves you with such an empty feeling. I just want you to know that you must not blame yourself for anothers actions. You have to accept that a person decided it was too painful to continue existing. I know how that feels and the feeling is ugly and overwhelming. Just make sure that you are taking care of yourself because I don't think she would want you to toture yourself the way you have been..
God Bless,
Rox
I too am sorry for your grief and lose. I too have lost friends to suicide and it does leave you feeling so very lost inside. But please don;t blame yourself for this in anyway. It's sad but it was your friends choice and you can't change this . Please take care of yourself we have a great support group here and are always willing the help and listen if you need us
Take care Piglit
Wow, so true! Where I have the misfortune to live my university has told me not to speak to anyone so as not to frighten them and my son's school called CPS after my husband told them I was Bipolar and hospitalized for severe depression. He told the neighborhood as well, and now their children may not play with my sons.
I.m so sorry that this continues for you. Acceptance is what is needed for the ignorance of people in our society.As for the University that is a case of discrimination it shouldn't make any difference to them and they are being totally prejudice against you and no doubt others that come in as well. It is sad for your sons because at the end of the day children will always be children and after teaching special needs for many years children can be non judgemental in relation to other children. Take care Piglit
u ok. she would want u 2b happy.
I too hope that your okay youve been in my thoughts and prayers always here if you need me Piglit
You don't say how old you are, but it looks like you are young. I am so sorry for your loss. My son's oldest/best friend committed suicide. He was so deeply affected by it that he went on a downward spiral and neglected his health, and went deeper into his pot addiction. Normally enormous amounts of pot would not kill a person, but my son had a compromised immune system due to a childhood blood disorder and subsequent splenectomy. A real rocket scientist doctor prescribed him medical marijuana which I am sure he thought was just a "leaf". Well, he developed pneumonia, which went septic, and he died a little over a year and a half ago. I guess what I am trying to tell you is you are young, and just what China said, she would want you to be happy. I must struggle each day with the guilt that as a mother I did not recognize everything I could have done for my son, but here in California, there is not much negative press about pot. People don't realized that you can't neglect yourself. Can you do something positive for her? Could you make her a memorial garden? Write her a letter? A poem? Devote a kind act for a stranger or someone struggling to her? Just some thoughts. Take care of yourself. Keep you for you and the rest of your family. Love and Peace, Reneee
please get help n move on. we cant change the past but we can try 2b healthy n happy now.