1. < Just Want to Talk

Lonely and Just want to talk with virtual friends here

Posted by EllAmster @ellamster, Jun 6, 2022

Due to 'life' I never had the opportunity to make friends. I hardly ever went out, am single, and feel desperately lonely. I can take care of myself and always have but have learned my caring skills weren't particularly good. They kept me alive but I have not lived.
No holidays, trips, bar, no beach or forest, nothing. And no friends to go out with or to simply have a chat.
I still work and I think my clients would be perplexed. They know me as a sunny and mischievous teacher who pulls their legs so they learn more, and trick them into doing things wrong to help understand it all even better. Little do they know. I am very alone and lonely. Being alone is not that big of a biggie: I know how to do that. But the loneliness is hollowing me out.
I wondered about making friends. I never had friends, I feel very awkward about friendship. I miss the person I am with clients in my daily life. I really would like someone to chat with. It would be so nice to even fall in love. To feel I am being loved. I never had that. It's so strange to realise so many are loved; is it normal to be loved, to find someone who loves you? Or is it the golden shine of being lucky and blessed enough to find this?

It would do me a lot of good to find people to chat with. Video for instance would be nice to get to know people. To chat, have a virtual cup of tea, or a real one of course! And to not be too ashamed of myself to hide behind the smiles and fun but to open up and maybe one day even be accepted.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

bunky44 | @bunky44 | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will not be leaving the house. In my head, I feel I have no one. The love of my life died after 59 years of marriage. Shortly thereafter I had a complete hip replacement. Because there was no one to look after me I had to go to a skilled nursing facility. Now I know what it is like to go to hell. Yes, I do have children. One son lives and teaches in China so it is impossible for him to be here for me. He tries his best and we skype once a week. Apparently for the other it is payback time. It seems that several people tell me they knew we had issues. The problem is that I didn't know we had issues. Since his father's death he has treated me disrespectfully. With these three things going on more or less simultaneously, I am not in a good place. There is really no future for me, as in 22 days I will be 88 years old. I guess you could say I am extremely lucky to be in my own home, still able to drive and can take care of myself. But there is nothing to look forward to. From where I am life looks bleak.

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Morning lovey~
You get a huge hug from me! I can really relate to your sad tale....as I find myself in your words. First let me say how much I appreciate your sharing and being open to receiving feedback from 'strangers'.
I often 'visit' my despair and grief as well as the crippling sadness of it all. My heart goes out to you. My love passed in 2021..seems like yesterday... with this fabulous man for 47 years...'trying' to go on has been a struggle as well as a futile one when I get into the throws of depression..that all the grief and my life being turned upside down, brings. I'm 10 years younger then you are and admire you and your desire to find peace with your life and find joy once again. I feel the fact that you are asking that very question shows me that you indeed have a future to enjoy. I am hopeful to be able to still be driving and living on my own as the years go by. I am alone, but not lonely...I have no one really to rely on..but myself. I feel, like you, we are survivors...and blessed to have the strength to carry on. Now..finding joy in our days..well..that's really up to us to supply. I find the smallest of things to focus on...a small flower trying to grow...the songs of the local birds and wildlife that abound where I live. Being grateful is a tough one when all we can see is sadness and no future...but..we can change that 'script'...plant seeds of gratefulness to replace a sad thought...watch a cat video! or lots of them...re-teach yourself to see the joy in others and suck it up into your own spirit. These are the things that I am currently practicing...self-care..(for once)...that takes up a lot of my day...that and planning out where I want to go and what I want to do...with the vast 'freedom' I have now. Having little responsibility at our ages is a joy!
We have the ability to find our 'new' way..not one we had planned perhaps, but one that now presents itself to us.
Go try something today..no matter how silly you might think it is...get that special coffee and cookie..or a walk..or do something for another...look at funny greeting cards...find your 'inner' child and play with her again. When you feel like there's no future you can see for yourself..make one up! This is what I'm trying to bring into my life these days. I have my setbacks...but now that I've been aware of the hold that kind of negativity can have on me..I try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. It's working for me and I hope will for you as well. You're a survivor of the greatest generation!...there's joy in that alone! I hope you have a wonderful day!

REPLY
SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | Sep 5, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

It's very hot here in Southern California and so this is the second day I will not be leaving the house. In my head, I feel I have no one. The love of my life died after 59 years of marriage. Shortly thereafter I had a complete hip replacement. Because there was no one to look after me I had to go to a skilled nursing facility. Now I know what it is like to go to hell. Yes, I do have children. One son lives and teaches in China so it is impossible for him to be here for me. He tries his best and we skype once a week. Apparently for the other it is payback time. It seems that several people tell me they knew we had issues. The problem is that I didn't know we had issues. Since his father's death he has treated me disrespectfully. With these three things going on more or less simultaneously, I am not in a good place. There is really no future for me, as in 22 days I will be 88 years old. I guess you could say I am extremely lucky to be in my own home, still able to drive and can take care of myself. But there is nothing to look forward to. From where I am life looks bleak.

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Hi Marilyn, good morning from hot Phoenix.
I’m so sorry for your losses. Life has twists and turns we neither signed up for or want. I think we can all relate with that!
So, you have a birthday on the horizon. Me too. Being born just before Halloween always made my birthday parties Halloween parties. My friends would come in costumes. We would dunk for apples…that was so very long ago.

Future plans are not always fruitful. However, I have started to do things that I have always wanted to do and never had the opportunity until now. I live by myself and find it very freeing. No worries about dinner time or pleasing anyone else…
Do keep in touch. 🌻

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Sep 5, 2022

Thank you both for replying. I have always known there was something "wrong" with me but never knew what it was. I am now in therapy and will have to talk this through with her. I have already mentioned about the issues with my son. How come everyone knew except me? Am I stupid, clueless, or what? Additionally I have learned that I come across as nasty. That threw me for a loop. So just had more bad stuff heaped on my head. I feel that the best thing I can do for myself is just hide. I do not want to go anywhere and have to worry if people are thinking I am nasty when I am not. I wish I could understand what is going on.

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2 replies
emil | @emil | Sep 6, 2022
In reply to @emil "Perhaps guided psychedelics? I hear that psilocybin is making a comeback in these areas. Competent practitioners..." + (show)
@emil

Perhaps guided psychedelics? I hear that psilocybin is making a comeback in these areas. Competent practitioners will always consider your mental health history and the set and setting for your trip. I can’t recommend or discourage the use of psychedelics, you understand. My own experiences don’t count.
Just an idea, as what you describe sounds a lot like a low dose trip.

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Sadly, thanks to the DEA and etc. , I can’t recommend a competent person to guide you and dose you properly, even if I were to know of such people, which I don’t. In fact, I don’t know anything about psilocybin except what I read In the news. Honest. Mainly because I have a terrible allergy to the justice system.
So, sadly, it remains just an idea, floating around where ideas float who have no legal home. I wish I could but be more helpful. Sigh.

REPLY
2 replies
davej | @davej | Sep 6, 2022
In reply to @willows "Hi Jean I am a 75 year old married woman. Always loved animals and since I..." + (show)
@willows

Hi Jean I am a 75 year old married woman. Always loved animals and since I was a child I just had to have a dog or cat. Unfortunately I have developed allergies and asthma. In spite of injections for allergies I have never been able to have another animal. You are so fortunate having two cats. I am definitely envious of you. I am relegated to watching animal videos to get a “fur fix”. Please give your cats a hug for me.

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My ex wife had bad allergies so no pets. Then she put her notice in at work to go to another department and her coworkers wanted to get a going away gift. It was a puppy a Tibetan terrier to be exact. she hated baths but the vet gave us a certain kind of shampoo and my wife never had a problem. So I know there are non allergy animals available. Good luck dave

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EllAmster | @ellamster | Sep 7, 2022
In reply to @emil "Sadly, thanks to the DEA and etc. , I can’t recommend a competent person to guide..." + (show)
@emil

Sadly, thanks to the DEA and etc. , I can’t recommend a competent person to guide you and dose you properly, even if I were to know of such people, which I don’t. In fact, I don’t know anything about psilocybin except what I read In the news. Honest. Mainly because I have a terrible allergy to the justice system.
So, sadly, it remains just an idea, floating around where ideas float who have no legal home. I wish I could but be more helpful. Sigh.

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Oh, I fully understand!
I will check things out, it might be helpful to call a place where they do the research and ask if I can enroll or something, explain my situation.

REPLY
jjwest | @jjwest | Sep 10, 2022
In reply to @sandysurf "I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes because I feel the exact same way. I..." + (show)
@sandysurf

I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes because I feel the exact same way. I have friends who are mainly “acquaintances”, because they have their own friends. I moved from my home in Michigan, to Sarasota, Florida not quite two years ago. I didn’t know even one person. It’s a long story, so I won’t start. I’m existing, that’s how it feels. I recently, just after Easter, tore my meniscus and other ligaments behind my knee. I’m in extreme pain every waking moment. Even if I had friends to do something with, it’s practically impossible because I can’t walk very far. I’m now using a cane for balance. I don’t work anymore, so there’s nobody to even talk to. Loneliness is so terrible, I totally understand what you’re going through. I wish you lived next door! My tears come easily and sometimes at inappropriate times.

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Hi Sandy. I live in Austin,TX> I am now living with my son and his famiy, I don't drive anymore and am home in my room most of the time, I have options, but they always involve someone to take me, so I don't ask. I wish we lived close, I would love to get to know you
peace&love....JJ I am 79 female

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1 reply
annepym | @annepym | Sep 30, 2022

What kinds of things interest you? Perhaps we hold some in common.

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nazleer | @nazleer | Oct 1, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Thank you both for replying. I have always known there was something "wrong" with me but..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Thank you both for replying. I have always known there was something "wrong" with me but never knew what it was. I am now in therapy and will have to talk this through with her. I have already mentioned about the issues with my son. How come everyone knew except me? Am I stupid, clueless, or what? Additionally I have learned that I come across as nasty. That threw me for a loop. So just had more bad stuff heaped on my head. I feel that the best thing I can do for myself is just hide. I do not want to go anywhere and have to worry if people are thinking I am nasty when I am not. I wish I could understand what is going on.

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I would love to talk to you. I too am single and lonely.

Feel free to contact me via Mayo Discussions.

REPLY
1 reply
marjou | @marjou | Oct 1, 2022
In reply to @emil "Sadly, thanks to the DEA and etc. , I can’t recommend a competent person to guide..." + (show)
@emil

Sadly, thanks to the DEA and etc. , I can’t recommend a competent person to guide you and dose you properly, even if I were to know of such people, which I don’t. In fact, I don’t know anything about psilocybin except what I read In the news. Honest. Mainly because I have a terrible allergy to the justice system.
So, sadly, it remains just an idea, floating around where ideas float who have no legal home. I wish I could but be more helpful. Sigh.

Jump to this post

There is a good documentary on this subject of various psychedelics titled How to Change Your Mind on Netflix with good information and history.

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