Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Hello, @billchitwood My wife had something similar for several years. Her neuro doc said they were hallucinations brought on by the dysfunction of her brain. Most often at night, she'd have visual, auditory, and/or olfactory hallucinations. Frequently I would wake up to find her talking to me while being certain I was standing next to her at her side of the bed, while I was still in bed and had been asleep. Her doc said the brain most often tries to 'rewire' around damaged areas at night during sleep and he thought this process might be impacting or causing those hallucinations. To her, they were 100% real and I just had to go with the flow when they occurred. These lasted a few years in her case.

Wishing you Strength, Courage, & Peace

Last night I was awakened when Bill hit me across the rib cage - among other things. He was doing his REM dreaming. Talking in his sleep, etc. This morning at 5am he was talking up a storm. Without my hearing aids I couldn't make out a word - he was obviously still asleep. Robin heard him and said most of it was gibberish. She could only make out a word or two. He remembered the 5am talking about nothing about the earlier episode.

He has done this on and off for about 8 years (along with hearing music that isn't there). A few times I've ended on the couch or in the guest room. I believe it might be tied into his dementia. Sometimes he has horrible dreams of someone trying to kill him (that is when his acting out is the worse). At one point in KY I discovered he had a large kitchen knife in the night stand - in case someone tried to attack us during the night. That got removed to the kitchen quickly. So then he substituted a baseball bat (I hid it under the bed where he couldn't reach and it stayed there when we left KY!

I left a note for his doctor this morning. I hope he has a solution as only a couch available here as we are using the guest room lol.

Bill wants me to watch a James Bond movie with him, which I'm trying to get out of as I've seen it so many times - he has watched it repeatedly the past two months (new to him each time). I feel mean for not wanting to sit through it again. Trying to delay so he will 'forget' about me watching it. Has golf at the moment, which he is willing to give up so I can enjoy Roger Moore as Bond.

At least he has been staying away from his computer recently. He mentioned he is having problems with it.

Hi Julie, Maybe you can discreetly read, write in a journal, do some mending or other busy work while "watching" the movie. My husband lasts about 5 minutes in front of the tv. He'd rather go into the bedroom and nap.

Bill turns the TV on when he gets up and off when he retires for the night. He has a TV streamer and mutes the sound for Robin and I (and the kitties). He forgets a lot and it will come blaring on. When I am watching he thinks he is helping me by keeping it on mute, not realizing that I can't hear it even if I explain it to him. He has his streamer set so high that we can actually hear sound coming from his ears. Makes for very interesting TV watching on our parts. In the meantime he is perfectly happy so we leave the 'sound' up to him.

He used to spend a lot of time on his computer, constantly asking for my help as he couldn't remember how to work various programs. This past month he has basically given up on the computer to the great joy of all of us, including the kitties who would panic when he would start screaming and cursing. I think his Seroquel kicking in helped a lot on getting him away from the computer - easier to acknowledge that he can't work it except for email and even then has a problem. He also doesn't want phone calls and has given up trying to call anyone. If kids call or I call them, he will only talk a minute or two.

He seems content not to have long (10 minute at most) conversations with daughter Robin or me.

Last night both Robin and I noticed a change in his face but can't pinpoint what is different. Just something 'off'. Another large red purpura appeared on his arm along with two others that appeared the other day. Legs both have them, with one tending to bleed. Part of his CVI.

Lately he has been talking a lot about dying and asking how long his doctors give him (they haven't said anything). He has also been praying for death lately - before he was maintaining he was going to live to 105. Not sure if this is normal with dementia, a phase, or what??? Never sure how to answer his questions.

If there's a change in your husband's face, I would suspect something, possibly stroke related. Maybe you can check with the doctor, send him a photo. Maybe Bill is sensing something about his death. My mother-in-law had no dementia, but toward the end she was tired of living and prayed for death. An uncle who was in his 90s and frail, with no dementia, refused to eat, since he couldn't take a pill that would put him to sleep.

My husband is still committed to life. He gave up on the computer too, without much difficulty. He doesn't like to talk on the phone and is content in his own world, reminiscing a lot about his childhood. The only thing he asks about is how the Dow Jones is doing everyday. The worst thing he did lately was get angry with a physical therapist who was trying to get him to stretch his leg. He walked out on PT. Now he is hobbling on his good leg and has some back pain. Sad the way he can't comprehend that doing what is necessary for health is sometimes uncomfortable. He'll do the exercises for me, but I have to coax him, give him a pep talk every time. It is tiring sometimes. I have to be everything to him, take care of the household and attend to my own wellbeing. There's not enough time in the day!

He is quite taken with a stray dog we feed when we go for a walk and opines about bringing her home, but she is wary and generallydistrustful of people, although she lets us pet her. She won't leave her safe place - under a dilapidated house. A dog might benefit my husband, but that also comes with more responsibilities, which I am reluctant to take on at this point.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Bill has constant back pain but walked out of PT years ago and then again in 2021 refused to continue with it even though they came to the house. He also complains of his butt hurting and thinks it is the chair. If you sit for hour upon hour your butt is going to hurt no matter what chair.

One good suggestion our neurologist had was take melatonin for acting out dreams in REM sleep. I’ve also been hit, had to sleep elsewhere, etc.
I recently learned melatonin is actually an antioxidant, so it’s also beneficial to brain health. no reason an older person needs to avoid, and may have other benefits.
For us, he had to go to 20mg bedtime for it to really work, has to be Long Release (Melatonin LR) so it keeps working all night. Yay, one thing better.
Sometimes he still twitches, mumbles, & gets up to pee, but doesn’t flail out like before.

The Clobazam has helped a great deal. Night before he was talking in his sleep - woke himself up. Last night he grabbed ahold of me to shake me, asking if I was awake. Then he was apparently asleep. Tried Melatonin a few years ago and he didn't have any relief with it. I'm not sure what strength. He has a battery of tests in September. Early this morning he was laying on his back and his face seemed so sunken in - it was scary - but breathing normal and he was just sleeping.

A weird day. This morning hard to understand Bill. He wanted an orange bar, which I was tardy in getting as I was doing dishes, and he got angry but had problems with words - got 'orange' out but couldn't manage 'bar' or rest of sentence.

Then a little later when I went to ask him what he would like for lunch I found him already gone to bed - as if it were nighttime (was cloudy out). Hard to make out what he was trying to say other than he wasn't hungry and just wanted to sleep. Rubbed his back and neck which seemed to soothe him and left him to sleep - keeping the door open so I can check on him. His scalp was moist but no signs of fever or illness.