A discussion for people over 60: Let's focus on what we can do

Nannette, of course you’re not the only person over 60 who is feeling the loss of what we were able to do in our 20s and every decade forward. But the ability to change and adapt is a gift we’re given.
Accept, adapt and move on, has been a motto of mine since my mid-30s. I’m now 68, been through a battle with leukemia and had a bone marrow transplant almost 3 years ago. I’ve lost most of my family members and a couple of really close friends. Covid has messed up the ability to physically interact with people but I stay connected and active.

My life has changed but I embrace every single day. I mourned for maybe 10 minutes over some of the things I can no longer do. I don’t dwell on the past or what I can’t do. I focus on what I can do and want to do! Then make it happen.

Heck, I was a gymnast, but at 68 I don’t lament that fact that I can’t do the iron cross on the free rings anymore or that I can’t flip effortlessly on the parallel bars, no backflips or cartwheels…unless it’s on the winter ice! 😅

But what I can do is walk 8 miles a day, or grab my paints or read or sew, or ride my bike. I have no limits. I don’t rely on others for my happiness. The only two things over which we have any control are our attitude and our effort.

Sometimes our fear of failure is what holds us back. What is it that you want to start but can’t?

Hi Lori: enjoyed your article. Was surprised when you said you are only 68. I was never athletic so I do not miss that. Actually the only thing I miss is doing wet on wet watercolor. I am 94 1/2 ; and cannot move as fast with the brush to do that. My life was being a wife, raising 3 children, and working as a clerk/secretary for a bunch of engineers. I am not a natural artist-had to teach myself to draw at age 60 when I retired. I had CKD for many years before I knew it; doctors do not tell. I do miss being able to walk without a walker! What I would like to do is to start a painting, knowing that I will be able to finish it! And NO I do not want to go back to younger.

Oh oh, you’re suprised I’m only 68? Not sure how I should take that! 😂🤣 I was thinking that I was hanging in there pretty well for my age but then here you come along at 94 1/2 and sounds like you’re practically running circles around me! That’s fantastic! Even with a walker, getting out and walking is still one of the best exercises to keep our muscles toned and that blood circulating!

You sound like you’ve had a very active life. I’m sure you’ve had to set aside some favorite pastimes as well. They eventually become fond or whistful memories. I think it helps us miss our activies less dramatically when we’re not having to give them up abruptly, due to an illness or injury. When it’s a natural progression of not spending as much time with some of the more physical activities it’s easier to make that adjustment. It’s all about how we flex and roll with those changes. For some people it’s more difficult. I think I’ve always been fortunate that if one thing doesn’t work out, I just move on to something else. I’ve very seldom ever been bored. I bet you aren’t either!

Do your children/grand children live nearby where you get to have visits often? What do you do during the day that helps fill your days with joy?

I picked up watercolor when I was 62, so you and I weren’t that far apart when we developed our love for that beautiful art form. I’m not a professional by any means but I feel like I can draw recognizable art and really like that visceral form of expression. One thing that I use often, is a water-filled brush. There are several different brands and they come with varied sizes of brush tips. I wonder if you might find that easier for you with wet on wet watercolors. You don’t have to always be dipping your brush. Have you ever tried one of those? It might get you back to painting what you love!

Hi Lori: enjoyed your article. Was surprised when you said you are only 68. I was never athletic so I do not miss that. Actually the only thing I miss is doing wet on wet watercolor. I am 94 1/2 ; and cannot move as fast with the brush to do that. My life was being a wife, raising 3 children, and working as a clerk/secretary for a bunch of engineers. I am not a natural artist-had to teach myself to draw at age 60 when I retired. I had CKD for many years before I knew it; doctors do not tell. I do miss being able to walk without a walker! What I would like to do is to start a painting, knowing that I will be able to finish it! And NO I do not want to go back to younger.

So, I am not quite 60. I will be 57 next month, to be exact. As someone who had leukemia 6 years ago, I feel like I am 60 or older. Anyway, here is a quote that helps guide me in life, even though I have a number of limitations. “Do what you can with what you have where you are.” I take it to heart a push myself to have a full and meaningful life.

I do have a sister who is 61. She is inspiring me to make a difference in other people’s lives. She is in the process of organizing a group of volunteers in the Bay Area to adopt an Afghan refugee family who is living in one hotel room since they fled Afghanistan last September. All eight members of the family are in one room and the mom is due to give birth next month. My sister is hoping that her group will find them housing and work, provide them with donated furniture and other things they need. My sister said there are over 100 such families waiting for someone to help them get settled in her part of CA. There is so much we can do for others even as we age and deal with health issues!

It was interesting reading all these posts. This is my first time here. At this time in my life I am in a bad place. My husband died less than a year ago. I had to go through a complete hip replacement all alone. Next month is my 88th birthday. I begin another six weeks of physical therapy tomorrow. My eldest son checks in with me every day, even though he lives and teaches school in China. The younger one just gives me trouble. I have finally made arrangements for my husband's internment in a military cemetery ( he is a Korean War veteran). I had to wait because younger son said he could not possibly come until after October 25th. Now it turns out he and family are going to stay at a hotel near the cemetery and he has no plans to drive me and my husband's remains to the cemetery. You can do it yourself he said. So I will. I have graduated from a walker to a cane. The orthopedist said I can really walk without a cane, but frankly I am afraid of falling. I live alone in my own home, with a housekeeper once a month. I do everything myself. I have found you need to find the courage to do things yourself no matter what your age because there is no free ride. My husband and I were married for 59 years and I miss him dreadfully. I am coming up to one year after his death. But I will get through this.

Congrats being 941/2 is wonderful. You are strong and great example for us. I like painting with water colors too. Keep on painting event slower!!
Sending hugs to you!
Nattaya

I, too am not 60 but feel like I am older. I just turned 57 myself. I hope you are still active here, that we can connect as we both navigate. I feel like quite a few saying what you did that resonates with me are consumed with existing and isolated for a variety of reasons. I started bi-weekly lipid apheresis treatments in 2019 and it was then that my treating doctor told me I had a cardiovascular system of an 85-year-old. He described it to me to be quite simple, that basically our blood should be like tomato juice and mine is more like tomato sauce. It goes through every organ in our bodies so consequently this makes an impact everywhere. I can say the need for good circulation cannot be overstated! This all has been confirmed with a genetic cause. He also told me “they” know a lot about my gene defect. Unfortunately what they know is through autopsies. I find myself relating to folks beyond me in chronological years. I learn so much that explains my experiences and they understand my description of weirdness I describe. I am developing more quality relationships, empathy skills and an overall understanding/acceptance of what is physically going on with me.