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A discussion for people over 60: Let's focus on what we can do

Posted by nanette2022 @nanette2022, Feb 18, 2022

Is is possible to start a new discussion for over 60?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

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Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jul 7, 2022
In reply to @mattie "I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land..." + (show)
Profile picture for mattie @mattie

I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land and am still paying. Daughter convinced me to build on and move in where she could help me. She is 50. lWhen she came to my house to help me pack she got mad I was too slow. she gravved my arms and neck, threw things at me. kicked me and swore horrivble things. I never saw her like this, I was sickened. well, I finally got the t house I added on...lShe swore and yelled and I have been here a year and it hasn;t stopped. Hubby I found out has frightening temper. said khe would like to drive into a tree and kill me because my head w as in the way on a rainy day. He does not talk nor does she. I cant believe I am living like this...my "golden"years. Too old to move, I cant believe it ..saying I am nuts and etc. I stay i8n my part 97%of the t ime, with my dog,try to stay away from them. Does she have a mental illness...him too. I want to live here till I die, if I can take ite. Any help?

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@mattie, there is help for you. This sounds like something you should report and get help to stay safe. Please look into the resources on the website for National Center on Elder Abuse

National Center on Elder Abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/

Here is specific information about how to report abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/Suspect-Abuse/Reporting-Abuse.aspx

You can reach the Eldercare Locator by telephone at 1-800-677-1116. Specially trained operators will refer you to a local agency that can help. The Eldercare Locator is open Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Time.

You do not need to prove that abuse is occurring; it is up to the professionals to investigate the suspicions.

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1 reply
Profile picture for Colleen Young, Connect Director
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jul 7, 2022
In reply to @mattie "I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land..." + (show)
Profile picture for mattie @mattie

I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land and am still paying. Daughter convinced me to build on and move in where she could help me. She is 50. lWhen she came to my house to help me pack she got mad I was too slow. she gravved my arms and neck, threw things at me. kicked me and swore horrivble things. I never saw her like this, I was sickened. well, I finally got the t house I added on...lShe swore and yelled and I have been here a year and it hasn;t stopped. Hubby I found out has frightening temper. said khe would like to drive into a tree and kill me because my head w as in the way on a rainy day. He does not talk nor does she. I cant believe I am living like this...my "golden"years. Too old to move, I cant believe it ..saying I am nuts and etc. I stay i8n my part 97%of the t ime, with my dog,try to stay away from them. Does she have a mental illness...him too. I want to live here till I die, if I can take ite. Any help?

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@mattie, I'm thinking about you tonight. How are you doing?

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mattie | @mattie | Jul 7, 2022
In reply to @shelmadine "Hi Mattie. I am so sad to read your story and feel your disappointment in your..." + (show)
Profile picture for shelmadine @shelmadine

Hi Mattie. I am so sad to read your story and feel your disappointment in your daughter. It sounds like you are experiencing verbal and emotional abuse. Do you have a church, friend, doctor or therapist to talk to about this issue? Please reach out, get support and get some direction to make your life better. You deserve comfort and respect always, but especially as a mother and an elder. I have offered a prayer for you. Take heart, love yourself and garner courage to move forward.

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Thank you. I am so tired. She got a job about 15 years ago. Every night she comes home from work swearing and wont allow any conversation because her 'day was so bad. I will quit.' So I go in my rooms and am here from 5:30 till I go to bed. No conversation.

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mattie | @mattie | Jul 7, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "@mattie, I'm thinking about you tonight. How are you doing?" + (show)
Profile picture for Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung

@mattie, I'm thinking about you tonight. How are you doing?

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Thanks, I am ok. So and so,.

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marye2 | @marye2 | Jul 7, 2022
In reply to @mattie "I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land..." + (show)
Profile picture for mattie @mattie

I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land and am still paying. Daughter convinced me to build on and move in where she could help me. She is 50. lWhen she came to my house to help me pack she got mad I was too slow. she gravved my arms and neck, threw things at me. kicked me and swore horrivble things. I never saw her like this, I was sickened. well, I finally got the t house I added on...lShe swore and yelled and I have been here a year and it hasn;t stopped. Hubby I found out has frightening temper. said khe would like to drive into a tree and kill me because my head w as in the way on a rainy day. He does not talk nor does she. I cant believe I am living like this...my "golden"years. Too old to move, I cant believe it ..saying I am nuts and etc. I stay i8n my part 97%of the t ime, with my dog,try to stay away from them. Does she have a mental illness...him too. I want to live here till I die, if I can take ite. Any help?

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Report them for elder abuse. There are local places that could help; but your house may not be yours any longer. What a shame! Take care.

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hello1234 | @hello1234 | Jul 8, 2022
In reply to @mattie "Thanks, I am ok. So and so,." + (show)
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Thanks, I am ok. So and so,.

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Hi @mattie
If your daughter's current behavior is a personality change from how she normally would act, then she may be a victim of domestic abuse, or she is struggling with some other trigger and is acting out. "Abused people, abuse people". You mentioned that her hubby has a bad temper and was going to kill you because your head was in the way while driving. In today's economy, people are suffering financially and emotionally. How is the hubby's job? It sounds like your daughter's job is terrible, or her mindset at the job is terrible. It's time for family therapy. You need an excellent psychiatrist to speak with each person individually to diagnose what is actually happening in that home. Can you speak with your doctor about these mental illness problems within your family (abuse)? When is the next time you will be in front of a medical doctor?

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hello1234 | @hello1234 | Jul 8, 2022
In reply to @marye2 "Me, too--this year. I took a trip to Italy/Malta with tours and had a transformational time...." + (show)
Profile picture for marye2 @marye2

Me, too--this year. I took a trip to Italy/Malta with tours and had a transformational time. I was a bit worried about energy, but made it just fine. It was so great to see WOW things everyday. I did not go with my partner due to his mobility issues, but plenty of people in the group to hang with.

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Hi @marye2
Your Italy/Malta trip sounds fantastic! Which tour group company did you use? Would you recommend them for a senior woman traveling alone?
Thanks!

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1 reply
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shelmadine | @shelmadine | Jul 8, 2022
In reply to @mattie "I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land..." + (show)
Profile picture for mattie @mattie

I am 80 living w/ my daughter and her hubby. I own this house and land and am still paying. Daughter convinced me to build on and move in where she could help me. She is 50. lWhen she came to my house to help me pack she got mad I was too slow. she gravved my arms and neck, threw things at me. kicked me and swore horrivble things. I never saw her like this, I was sickened. well, I finally got the t house I added on...lShe swore and yelled and I have been here a year and it hasn;t stopped. Hubby I found out has frightening temper. said khe would like to drive into a tree and kill me because my head w as in the way on a rainy day. He does not talk nor does she. I cant believe I am living like this...my "golden"years. Too old to move, I cant believe it ..saying I am nuts and etc. I stay i8n my part 97%of the t ime, with my dog,try to stay away from them. Does she have a mental illness...him too. I want to live here till I die, if I can take ite. Any help?

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Good morning, Mattie. I have read the very concerned and wise responses from your friends on this site. Many of us are elders, we are concerned about your abusive situation, we know this happens. Only can act on this situation. Retreating to your room may feel safe and protective isn’t your only option and will not change your intolerable situation. Please reach out to someone you trust. Do not become smaller, become larger. Become you, take your life back. You can love your daughter and take care of yourself simultaneously. You are responsible you. An empowering thought.

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collierga | @collierga | Jul 8, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "@mattie, there is help for you. This sounds like something you should report and get help..." + (show)
Profile picture for Colleen Young, Connect Director @colleenyoung

@mattie, there is help for you. This sounds like something you should report and get help to stay safe. Please look into the resources on the website for National Center on Elder Abuse

National Center on Elder Abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/

Here is specific information about how to report abuse https://ncea.acl.gov/Suspect-Abuse/Reporting-Abuse.aspx

You can reach the Eldercare Locator by telephone at 1-800-677-1116. Specially trained operators will refer you to a local agency that can help. The Eldercare Locator is open Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Time.

You do not need to prove that abuse is occurring; it is up to the professionals to investigate the suspicions.

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Prayers for you
Please reach out for help
Nobody deserves to be treated like that

REPLY
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marye2 | @marye2 | Jul 8, 2022
In reply to @hello1234 "Hi @marye2 Your Italy/Malta trip sounds fantastic! Which tour group company did you use? Would you..." + (show)
Profile picture for hello1234 @hello1234

Hi @marye2
Your Italy/Malta trip sounds fantastic! Which tour group company did you use? Would you recommend them for a senior woman traveling alone?
Thanks!

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I used Adventures Abroad, a Canadian company. They do a lot of African trips, and Arabia also. The tour had several of us "single, senior" women and it was about 12 people. We had dinner arranged every night, which was nice. For Italy, I went with EF Go Ahead Tours and they were also great. The reason I chose them is they had two contiguous weeks of tours and it sounded like the EF one was more what I wanted. The group was about 35 people, all interesting and fun. Many older folk and not too many of us had to take a day off to rest. It was a little more work to manage two companies, as well as getting from Malta to Venice (had to be Ryanair, landing in regional airport and water buses to hotel). I had a total blast, and enjoyed the single room. I tagged along with others and it was fine.

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