1. < Caregivers: Dementia

What strategies help you cope with behavioral changes in loved one?

Posted by lorrie2772 @lorrie2772, Aug 5, 2022

My wife has recently been diagnosed with amnestic, mild cognitive Impairment, multidomain. The doctor has ordered EEG, Neuropsychological evaluation and an aphasia assessment.
My question is regarding strategies for myself to cope with the dramatic behavioral changes. She has changed from a docile caring woman to frequent irritability and verbal agitation.

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janet7 | @janet7 | Aug 10, 2022
In reply to @lorrie2772 "Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems..." + (show)
@lorrie2772

Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems to come and go, so does her understanding of spoken language. The language piece only occurs occasionally.

I made an appointment to meet with EAP person at the end of the month.

Hopefully your husband continues to progress slowly and you are able to keep him at home for a few years

Jump to this post

Thank you, I hope we can be together as long as we can.
What is an EAP person?
I have an appointment with his Neurologist for more tests - this one is an MRI to compare to his former one.
Then maybe some stronger Alzheimer’s meds as I have heard they help Dementia patients. Want to sign up at our local YMCA for walking and the pool, both paid for by our insurance.
I hope we have the bug infestation solved soon. Our apartment we just rented after moving from North Carolina has bugs and exterminators have been out but there are still some stragglers.
This apartment ticks off our needs but I didn’t want to stay after finding out about the bugs. Our landlord did not tell us about them and we found out after calling an exterminator. We have also put down sticky pads that so am told work very well. Now what? My husband Will loves this place so here we are! I am trying to be grateful but sometimes it isn’t easy.

REPLY
1 reply
janet7 | @janet7 | Aug 10, 2022
In reply to @pattyinal "Don’t worry about tomorrow. Today has troubles enough of its own. So my philosophy is, “One..." + (show)
@pattyinal

Don’t worry about tomorrow. Today has troubles enough of its own. So my philosophy is, “One day at a time.” That’s all any of us gets, anyhow. Some days, it’s “one minute at a time”.
I can’t reason with someone who is unable to reason. Rather than argue, I walk away. Within a couple minutes, he’s forgotten. Sometimes I can approach the issue just a little differently with success. Other times, I just have to release it, unless it’s a dangerous situation (like when he thought the fire starter stick was a candy bar). Then I don’t give up so easily and am willing to risk being punched or shoved by this sweet man who would never do that in his right mind.

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I have read your comments over and over, and each time I do, the words “punch” and “shove” stand out for me.
I’m sorry your husband is sick, I truly am. But to me, that is no reason for him to physically attack you or anyone else. He may need meds for his anger/anxiety and his doctor can prescribe those for him. You might want to go for counseling together to help remind him that he must not take out his frustrations physically or verbally on any one, especially his caregivers, and give him some guidance in this area.
Otherwise, I agree with your living one day at a time on this journey. It really is the best way to help us caregivers, and also “this too shall pass” is a great reminder for me.
Thanks for sharing.

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janet7 | @janet7 | Aug 10, 2022
In reply to @tsc "I'm really glad your move went well, @janet7. How long did it take you to make..." + (show)
@tsc

I'm really glad your move went well, @janet7. How long did it take you to make your move, all things considered? That's a nice photo of you and your husband. I especially like his Aloha shirt.

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The shirt was a reminder of our trip to Hawaii.
The move took us months to accomplish and although we have arrived at our destination, now it will take months to settle in.
I would guess at least 6 months it has taken us to move, it is overwhelming!

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Teri | @tsc | Aug 10, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "Thank you. What does EAP mean?" + (show)
@janet7

Thank you. What does EAP mean?

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Hi @janet 7. I'll answer for @lorrie2772, EAP is an acronym for Employee Assistance Program, a confidential and usually free support service provided by employers for employees to go for counseling related to a host of issues.

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Teri | @tsc | Aug 10, 2022
In reply to @lorrie2772 "Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems..." + (show)
@lorrie2772

Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems to come and go, so does her understanding of spoken language. The language piece only occurs occasionally.

I made an appointment to meet with EAP person at the end of the month.

Hopefully your husband continues to progress slowly and you are able to keep him at home for a few years

Jump to this post

Thanks, @lorrie2772, I wish you the best.

REPLY
janet7 | @janet7 | Aug 10, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "Thank you, I hope we can be together as long as we can. What is an..." + (show)
@janet7

Thank you, I hope we can be together as long as we can.
What is an EAP person?
I have an appointment with his Neurologist for more tests - this one is an MRI to compare to his former one.
Then maybe some stronger Alzheimer’s meds as I have heard they help Dementia patients. Want to sign up at our local YMCA for walking and the pool, both paid for by our insurance.
I hope we have the bug infestation solved soon. Our apartment we just rented after moving from North Carolina has bugs and exterminators have been out but there are still some stragglers.
This apartment ticks off our needs but I didn’t want to stay after finding out about the bugs. Our landlord did not tell us about them and we found out after calling an exterminator. We have also put down sticky pads that so am told work very well. Now what? My husband Will loves this place so here we are! I am trying to be grateful but sometimes it isn’t easy.

Jump to this post

Thank you for the hug
@lorrie2772

REPLY
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Aug 11, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "Do you remember the meds his doctor gave him to calm him down. I have the..." + (show)
@janet7

Do you remember the meds his doctor gave him to calm him down. I have the same problem with Will’s anger and yelling. It is just awful! I locked myself in the bathroom the other night because he was insisting that I look at something he said was not right - it was about curtains I ordered. He even measured the windows so I could order them - and now they aren’t right. I wasn’t afraid of him, it was about leaving me alone. I didn’t want to argue anymore about it and he wouldn’t stop bothering me.
I wound up crying and he did back down. It’s just that I can’t do anything without him saying something negative about my decision. If it was up to only him, he would send the curtains back!

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It is Seroquel - it took over a month for it to kick in for Bill. Amazing difference. They also have him on Clonazepam - very small dose - as he suffers from rapid eye movement disorder. This has also helped with that. It could get really scary when he would dream someone was attacking him and he had to defend himself (since I was the closest his 'attack' would be against me!)

With his constant anger he wasn't enjoying life either.

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1 reply
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Aug 23, 2022
In reply to @lorrie2772 "Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems..." + (show)
@lorrie2772

Yes, it can be difficult. I appreciate the self-care reminder. My wife’s short term memory seems to come and go, so does her understanding of spoken language. The language piece only occurs occasionally.

I made an appointment to meet with EAP person at the end of the month.

Hopefully your husband continues to progress slowly and you are able to keep him at home for a few years

Jump to this post

Hi Lorrie,
I'd like to add my welcome. I hope you don't mind, but I updated the title of this discussion because I think your primary question is one that many people ask. I want to continue to gather coping strategies from partners caring for someone living with cognitive impairment.

I also thought, in addition to the great suggestions by fellow members, you might like a short inventory of some related and useful discussions in the group to gather further tips and to add your thoughts:
- Caregiver support: What are your book recommendations? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiver-support-1/
- In-home care can often be of great help for caregivers https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/in-home-care/
- Dealing with Anger and Disbelief in person with dementia https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/dealing-with-anger-and-disbelief-in-person-with-dementia/
- Transitions..... Medications for Behavioral Symptoms https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/transitions-medications-for-behavioral-symptoms/
- How can people feel comfortable talking with my wife who has dementia? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/communicating-with-dementia-patients/
- MCI: Trying to find our best path and what to do next https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/trying-to-find-our-best-path/

Lorrie, what strategies have you already put into action? What do you find challenging (today)?

REPLY
1 reply
ann16 | @ann16 | Aug 24, 2022
In reply to @lorrie2772 "Hi, absolutely I want to plan for the future. What I don't want to do is..." + (show)
@lorrie2772

Hi, absolutely I want to plan for the future. What I don't want to do is live my life today as if the future is here. I, too, have fear of what will happen. How long will we be able to live in our home? Right now I am still working. How long will I be able to work. She is in the very early stages and is still independent most of the time. I have thought about moving or at least looking into care facilities that provide step-down services. It is totally overwhelming that's why I can't get too far into the future.

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One of the things I found helpful is to go look at a care facility before one is needed which gives one time to process all the emotions that go along with such a huge change. Also, it gives you the ability to learn about what services places provide and compare layouts, services as well as to determine what you believe is needed--before life gets too stressful and you have to make a move NOW. There are usually long waiting lists (years) so if you find a facility you may truly wish to consider, put your name on the list with the right to turn it down should you determine you are not ready at that time.
It is very hard not to look ahead to the future; one breath at a time, moment by moment. Some day today will be 'the good old days.'

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Aug 24, 2022
In reply to @ann16 "One of the things I found helpful is to go look at a care facility before..." + (show)
@ann16

One of the things I found helpful is to go look at a care facility before one is needed which gives one time to process all the emotions that go along with such a huge change. Also, it gives you the ability to learn about what services places provide and compare layouts, services as well as to determine what you believe is needed--before life gets too stressful and you have to make a move NOW. There are usually long waiting lists (years) so if you find a facility you may truly wish to consider, put your name on the list with the right to turn it down should you determine you are not ready at that time.
It is very hard not to look ahead to the future; one breath at a time, moment by moment. Some day today will be 'the good old days.'

Jump to this post

@ann16 Yes, a very good way to look at things, thinking ahead like this. Having a clear head and being able to consider different options will hopefully ease some of the burden later. In my mind, I have played this out for several years, and it never fails to make me feel grateful for where we are right now. It seems like depending on where you live, or where you might want to move to, things have certainly changed over the years for what is offered.
Ginger

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