Dealing with Anger and Disbelief in person with dementia

I’m at that stage with my husband 4diagnosed (mixed dementias!) today he exhibited total animal insanity.. I’m at my wits end! Getting new Palliative Hospice group coming in.. hoping and praying some relief for my husband, veteran, together 41 yrs! Probably 7th stage Alzheimer’s and vascular dementias!

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Good morning, @pbmom I'm Scott and I was my wife's caregiver for over 14 years. I was also a caregiver for my MIL, who had dementia and who would get very agitated at the use of the word dementia. I totally understand how frightening this must be to someone with the disease, so in our case, we simply stopped using the word. Likewise, my wife hated to be reminded of her disease, so I did the same with her. I also quickly learned if what my wife was disagreeing with me about was not a truly critical issue, I'd just let any erroneous thinking alone. For me, it was a decision to pick my battles since otherwise, I could have been arguing about something almost every day.

With my wife, I took to explaining that each pill was meant to "help her feel better" or address some specific, smaller symptom that was bothering her at the time. Also, since all her doctors shared information, I began to say all her meds were prescribed by her one, favorite doctor, which helped her be more comfortable taking the pills.

I'd also have her take them with her favorite liquid, rather than water. Kind of made taking the pills a kind of treat in that way. For a time we also used @janet7 suggestion of putting it in apple sauce and/or pudding. I also recall her doctor agreed we could crush a certain pill and mix it into food. Eventually, we switched to liquid forms of all of her meds, but that was far down the road.

Caregiving is certainly a roller coaster of emotions and demands, so frustration is a natural component for all of us caregivers, I believe!

If I may ask, how long have you been caregiving for your sister?

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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I'm fortunate in that my husband doesn't have many behavioral issues. He likes to rest most of the time. Sometimes it's the little things that break my heart. Yesterday, I put his clothes out after we showered. He came out wearing his pajamas and I explained that pajamas are okay after dinner, not before. He took it well though, and changed his clothes. May we all stay calm, encouraged and steadfast in what we must do. Thank you all.

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It sounds like your husband likes pajamas after taking a shower. He apparently feels comfortable with the pajamas but you don’t. I feel that if my husband finds comfort with anything, It calms me down and we are both happy. I let go of rules and regulations because he is sick and I want him to be comfortable as he can be. Sometimes I wear my pajamas all day if weather is bad or I’m just lazy. Maybe you could put on your pajamas to join him and you will feel comfort together.
Prayers for you both.

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You're right @janet7, I'm not comfortable with pajamas before bedtime, which means I'm not ready to let go of some social conventions. Since he broke his hip, my husband wears track pants, which are like pajamas, aqnyway. If he insisted on pajamas, I wouldn't fight him. Thank you for your insight.

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Sometimes I come across too hard, but my heart is in whatever I say to you.
This is how I feel about being a caregiver:
first, the people we love are sick and not very happy about it, and second, we don’t know how much time any of us have left. So anything goes, unless it is harmful to them.
A new motto: Let’s enjoy as much as we can, for as long as we can. Hugs!!

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I know it's the disease, not the person..... but I find myself hating my husband and his selfishness. I am angry and resentful. I wish I were not!

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