Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Good morning @billchitwood I am sorry to read of your bad night. Sounds like a very tough one, indeed.

I don't know if it would work, or if I've mentioned it before, but at a certain point, we added a hospital bed with high rails to our bedroom. I could still lie beside my wife, but she couldn't get out of bed and it afforded me some space into which she couldn't easily intrude. That worked well until I finally switched to sleeping on the living room sofa after she'd fall asleep and then sneak in before she woke in the mornings. I wish I had more to offer!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Room is small and wouldn't accommodate even a small extra bed. Looking at a Murphy bed for me - in the meantime I'm fine on the couch. I can sleep anywhere - have even been know by the family for falling asleep standing up!

This morning he is sleeping in. Got his sheets back on the bed. The floor, at least for now, is free of pee. He isn't hungry or thirsty. But at least seems content and is getting some sleep.

Another bad night - this time ending with him trying to pull me out of bed so he could take my side as his had a large wet spot. I got him settled and headed for the couch again. Just ordered overnight depends - sure hope they live up to Depends' hype! Poor washer and dryer going into shock at the every day washing of sheets and pads lol.

I'm getting a Murphy bed - and hiding out so he doesn't decide he needs that bed as well.

Golly, @billchitwood that has to be really tough! We actually wore out our washer/dryer during my wife's journey. I did at least one load every day. Also had to have an additional septic drain field put in our yard due to the demands. NO fun for sure.

It took a while, but I finally found a pad that actually did keep the sheets dry most nights for my wife. I just checked the few I have left, but they had no tag identifying a name or manufacturer. I know our hospice nurse got them from the hospital and they came bagged by the dozen. They were about 30" x 30", with a soft plastic on one side and an absorbent insert in them.

I hope last night was a better night for you!

Wishing you continued Strength, Courage, & Peace

We've ordered Depends overnight underwear to see if that helps. Last night was better as he got up twice to go to the bathroom, using his walker. For years he has used a bottle at night as he has to go so often he would find it hard to get back to sleep if he went into the bathroom. Lately he has had problems using his 'bottle', which has caused the bed problem. We have two waterproof pads on the bed. He moves so much that an absorbent pad would either bunch under him or be moved out of the way?

His mood swings are hard to deal with. Some of his 'punishments, like not speaking to me, are not new. He has used that all his life according to his kids. I just ignore him when he does that - funny how it can hurt even ignoring it. He also uses berating words freely, then feels bad.

He should be waking up soon and I dread finding out which "Bill" is going to start the day.

He also has a lot of bruising from his falls - due to CVI he takes a while for bruising and sores to heal.

God bless all of you. Being able to 'vest' helps so much.

@billchitwood

Julie, my mom was falling so much at night trying to use her potty chair that we got better pull-ups for night and for outings. Most of the time the ABRIFLEX pull-ups held overnight. Sometimes a little leakage, but not much. They were well worth the price. You may find them cheaper on Amazon. I wanted you to see the choices they have. https://abenausa.com/pages/abri-series

In 2019 they were better than Depends .. they may improved though.. things change quickly in this world.

ZeeGee

Bill has recently been doing a lot of appointments and tests at Mayo - with a lot more to come. One comment was that he has serious dementia - and anger problems. Add this to his CKD, CVI and now falling (two 911 calls were required). Blood tests from what I can tell show he is high on some blood counts, low on others (anemic?) and his B12 is off the chart at 1400 (he does take a supplement) and his Vitamin D is high (no supplement there). Gather all could be related to kidney and/or dementia.
First doctor he visited he was on his 'game' for most of it. Still failed some tests and questions. With the second doctor he was more as we see him. Forget one of his kids - couldn't remember his favorite of mine, other than he was a favorite and lived on the Chesapeake. With both he did admit his anger issues but assured them he had never been physically violent. They are working on his anger, sleep problems, urinary and kidney problems. BP low for both visits (92/54). I had reported that to family doctor for about a year but when he took his BP is was perfect so kept him on his BP med.
We did allow Robin to wheel him around. Family doctor ordering a wheelchair so we can take him out for walks in the (cooler) evening. I'm also not supposed to fetch and carry for him. Hard not too after 37 years. Plus he gets angry if I tell him he needs to get his own water.

Doctors did tell him he could no longer drive. Although he maintains they told him he COULD drive! Anyone know someone in Phoenix area at would be interested in a 2007 Lincoln Town car with less than 54000 miles! LOL. One way to end the driving issue!

Yesterday I sold our car. Today we go to the DMV for ID cards and a handicap plaque. I haven't mentioned to Bill yet that the car is gone (one day he did agree to sell - he just didn't want our daughter to have it). Lately he has been pretty much ignoring the car issue. One thing I wouldn't mind him forgetting!

I don't envy you, @billchitwood Car issues were a huge stumbling block with my wife. I hope all goes as well as can be hoped for on this transition.

Wishing you all the best along with Strength, Courage, & Peace

I love the people at the AZ DMV! Robin let the clerk know about Bill's problems. She was so helpful - connected the new ID with the handicap card and didn't mention revoking the DL. Also said she was doing the new address. She let Robin take care of everything while I distracted Bill. All he had to do was sign two papers, and get his picture taken. Bill signed where shown and didn't question anything.
Then a stop for Robin and Bill to enjoy a bowl of Yogurt (I'm not a fan of Yogurt or ice cream). Unlike last time he didn't throw a scene! When we left a patrol car had pulled up next to us and they offered to help Bill (he did okay on his own).
One thing I've found throughout most of my life is that people, wherever you meet them, tend to be really nice and are quick to offer help. Smiles make a day. And today was full of smiles. Thanks to all of you as well. I can feel your smiles.