Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question

Good morning, @dg0797 I think you hit the nail on the head with your closing sentence. "This is not an easy decision."

When my wife was alive we had many discussions about where to live, etc. One decision we personally made was that we'd never 'chase' our kids and pick a place to live just to be close to one of them. Our main reason was that we never wanted our children to consider not taking a new job, make some life change, etc. because "Mom and Dad are here". On the other hand, my folks moved to Florida and while they loved being there early on, when my mom got older she often told me she wished she'd not moved, especially once travel was problematic for her. I remember her saying "I always thought "well, I can just get on a plane and go see you, your sisters, and grandchildren until I couldn't."

As @spudmato suggested, before each of our large decisions in our lives we literally wrote out a detailed pro and con list, knowing no place/job/etc. would ever be perfect so we needed to be able to pick the alternative that had the most 'pros' for us. With our location decisions, the big one for us was how much we love the change of seasons and the amount of water there is in the Midwest. When we lived in New Mexico we came to realize how much we missed water -- and we realized it quite quickly. Certainly a case of different strokes for different folks.

Strength, Courage, & Peace to all!

At retirement living, there are all kinds of activities you might join and meet people.
They plan outings as well, going to restaurants anda events you might enjoy. Even my husband (an introvert) has told me he wants to go a retirement home to play cards, his favorite hobby, and meet others. Anyway, the more you find out what is offered at a retirement place, your decision might change.

I, also, had (have) the same situation. I moved from my childhood home in Michigan to Sarasota, Florida not quite two years ago. My daughter’s and grandkids are still in Ohio. It feels like I just got “dropped” into this area. I didn’t know even one person here. I have a cousin in Bradenton, which helped. I knew Florida was the place I wanted to be (after my mom died in 2019), but Sarasota was never a place in Florida I even thought about. I didn’t have much time to find somewhere affordable. My sister (the best sister EVER), drove my car pulling a U-Haul with about 1/10th of my life in it. I found a 55+ mobile home community. It’s very nice, my double-wide was totally furnished (I’ve since sold much of it), and it was under $30,000. The only drawback is that we “rent” the land and “my” land is $938 a month. Unfortunately, there’s nowhere in Sarasota these days where you can even get a one bedroom apartment for under $2,200! I have a dog, a beautiful garden space, there’s a pool, many activities, and I splurged and bought a used golf cart. I miss my family very much, but I’m done Ohio/Michigan weather. I have friends and acquaintances here, but living alone does get lonely.
The “rules” here aren’t anything I can’t live with. They just expect you to keep your space clean, trash-free(!), and if there’s a park problem, just fill out an HOA form and cross your fingers! I live at The Winds of St. Armands North at 4000 Tuttle in North Sarasota. Check it out. You might find it easier to downsize if you have an idea of where you’re going!
I, also, have health issues. The latest being a torn meniscus and ligaments behind my knee. Apparently, those “doctors” expect me to sit in a leg brace all day and be sedentary. Maybe he should come and clean, let my dog out, shop, things that need to be done! Think about being close to the Gulf, living with others close to your/my age, etc. We have a huge tour bus (that takes anyone who wants to go) shopping on Tuesday’s and Lido Beach on Thursday’s. The bus is free.
I’m done rambling! Sandy

I think what is most helpful, aside from actual ways to solve this issue is that lots of folks have the same feelings, ambivalences, as I do. That is very freeing. There just seems to be no right or wrong way and even with discussions and pro-con lists, I am finding it the most difficult decision in life, but so nice to be in this together. Many thanks Everyone.

I agree with this. I am 80 and single, in the Midwest, with a tiny family. My son lives 150 miles from me and my daughter lives 15 miles away, but with a busy work life and many other responsibilities and we visit once a month or six weeks. I am planning to move to a retirement rental community in a few months.

I'm in much better health than most of the residents there, I'm active and I still drive, but I see myself slowing down and since I plan to see my 100th birthday, I'm thinking ahead, for the time when I don't drive and am less able to do things for myself. Handling this move on my own is difficult enough; I don't want to make another. So I'm moving to a place with all the helpful services I'm going to be making use of someday.

It's close to excellent healthcare, a vibrant and active senior fitness and social center, and all the shopping and entertainment I enjoy. I won't have to give up my friends and make new ones, and a few rules are a fair trade-off for all the benefits I'll be making more use of later on. I've looked at the areas I actually spend most of my time in, in my current home, and the square feet I actually move around and use routinely is even smaller than the one-bedroom apartment I'll be in, plus there are all the common areas.

I've set up a shared folder on the Cloud where my kids and I discuss this and other ageing-related issues, such as how to decide when I give up my car. I'm putting copies of my powers of attorney and health care directives on it, and other information they may need. I want to get all this done now while I still have most of my marbles and physical ability. Even paring my posessions down to the ones I truly love or really need and use is a kind of Swedish death cleaning, a favor to them and a meditation for me. I want to make it as easy as I can, for them and for me, so nobody has to make sudden decisions under pressure, then we can all relax and just enjoy the passage of time.

So......here is your answer. We chose MN. We had been going back and forth between the two homes for 6 years, living and enjoying friends and nature on the river and on the mountain.
1. A huge issue at the time was health care for Jay. It is now also the biggest issue for me.
2. We wanted a home large enough to have family get-to-gathers. We continue to enjoy having to step around toys, games, and dancing grandchildren.
3. In the MN home we have options. The "overflow room" (2nd pantry) upstairs has high counters with room for a washer and dryer when we can no longer go downstairs.
4. We have plenty of room in the main guest suite downstairs to provide space for a caregiver and plan to outfit a kitchenette when needed.
5. We absolutely love living with nature. All year we have migratory birds and lots of ground critters, including our favorite Chippees who we have been training for 4years. There is nothing like watching spring open up with the most beautiful greens. With wrap-around views, a meditation walk, and 7 acres of manicured park-like landscaping, it fulfills the name Adams Landing. We also sold the CA mountain property for more than the MN property would have brought adding to our options by enabling us to hire gardening/landscaping help when needed.
6. We have pursued new activities and met new friends of choice, a surprisingly good outcome.

So, we have been living with this decision for almost 4 years and wouldn't change a thing. And remember, it took us a couple of years to face the decision, outline the risk/benefits and implement the plan.

Good luck to all of you as you face similar life decisions.

May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Chris

We too had a big house, with lots of kids. Now, just the two of us, we find that the heavy furniture we used to choose ("it'll last longer with the kids jumping on things")... we bought light furniture, a lot of IKEA things. Neither of us is that strong anymore to be lifting things.. I am 81 and he is 76 and diabetic. One of those new vacuum cleaners such as Dyson or Eureka is a big help, the ones that are just one wand and actually quite powerful. Much easier. Now my son suggests that we have a housekeeper just once a month to do the heavy cleaning.

You are fortunate to have found a place like this.

Hi retirement75,
I am in the same situation....no family in the area and my friendships are "waning" I have been trying to set up a support group for those of us in a similar situation to share experiences and resources. Any ideas? Are you interested in this type of group?

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